NURSING HOME BLUES……
I hear many elderly say, “No nursing home for me.” Why? I pondered; time takes its toll on the body, mind in many cases and renders you with fewer capabilities to do for yourself. Why not be in a home with others who are having similar problems and fighting the same battle. It’s better to be with others in a nice faculity than alone at home.
When you can’t do for yourself, and nature calls, an accident is sure to take place, then what. A mess you have with no one to help clean up. Not to mention other responsibilities of going to the grocery, preparing food, dishes and bathing.
Oh, we believe in our minds we can do the things we use to do, but not true. Soon enough we discover we’ve stumbled and fell flat on the floor, scrambling and trying to get up. As we lay unable to pull ourselves up, you think of what to do and hope you can crawl to a phone and call someone to rescue you.
Some have family which could help, but most won’t. They don’t want to see the ugliness of old age and burdened with responsibility of care. It’s a reminder of what is to come for them. They chose to live care free and hope they won’t fall in the cracks of old age and helplessness. But it will come to them also. Old age and death escapes no one.
Aging is a real burden and difficult to deal with for the aging person and family. The care and responsibility is 24 x 7 and leaves a heavy burden upon a family or family member trying to carry out the duties and care for the elderly.
Many of the elderly outlive family, friends and have no choice, but to reside in a nursing home. Which is better than living in isolation and neglect.
Life’s lived with the bitter and the sweet. Pray to God for His mercy. You’ll open one door and enter another of great joy.
🙂 🙂 🙂
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I hear you, and agree with this blog Pols. ..:).
shads i hope it never comes to that for you, me or anyone i know. But, and it is a very ‘big but’…i do not want our rebecca to have to go through what i’ve had to go through with my Mum, so she knows what to do if i become too hard to cope with!!! 🙂
Pollie, There are all kinds of nursing homes, some not so nice. Hopefully when the time comes, our children pick a place that is decent. So, although we have to accept what comes in our lives, it’s not always a thrill.
yes there are sunflower, but sometimes our elderly relations don’t want the kind of place ‘we’ pick for them, even though we are trying our best to help. My Mum picked her own and as been there 3 years now. it is a very difficult decision to make for families, or it was for me. 🙂
NO NO NO POLLIE I MUST DISAGREE WITH U,SORRY,IM 82 YEARS OLD BEEN DISABLED MANY YEARS WITH CARERS IM ABLE TO BE IN MY OWN HOME,I CAN DO AS I WANT TO DO,NOT BEING TOLD WHAT/WHEN TO DO IT,HAVE MY MEALS AS I WANT NOT AS I AM GIVEN.
I have my telly and computer radio,i do not feel on my own,i an well aware that this is not for everyone,but keep in your own as long as posable,.
Pollie there are all kinds of nursing homes, dickyboy I agree with you, keep in your own home as long as possible, there is all kinds of help availible to help you do this. My dear old Dad went into a nursing home at 91, he sobbed to me on the phone all his dignity had been taken away, they took his wallet, gave him “sundowners” so he wouldn’t wake up until 11.00am etc. Mum went and stayed one night with him and took him home the next day. He had a further two happy years at home. Now its Mums turn for care and she is getting lots of government and family help to stay in her home, independent for as long as possible.
skippy that is so awful that they did that to your Dad. i tried and tried to get more help for my Mum but they couldn’t be there 24/7 which she then needed, as we had all kinds of problems with medication which did become quite scary for me. i wish my Mum could have still had her independence right up to now, but it wasn’t for the sake of not trying to make that happen. She became very depressed and eventually the doctor said it would be for the best. Like i have said …it broke my heart and still does. Thank you so much for your comment. 🙂
dickyboy I agree totally with what you say and i admire you very much for still managing at home. i had to let my mum go into one 3 years ago and it broke my heart even though she wanted to go!! I cried everyday for a long time and i felt like i had failed her in some way. I had been looking after her for 4 years and i just couldn’t physically do it anymore. I still feel so guilty each time i see her but she is ok and goes out on trips etc and has the company she so much wanted, so is reasonably happy. I would so much have preferred for her to stay in her own home though had it been possible. 🙂
I very much agree with dickyboy, independant to the last. Well done dickyboy
so do i mart so do i. see above 🙂
I did work in a nursing home Pollie and I do not think I would like to be in one, I understand the concept but not for me…………Ann
no tania i agree with you,. i would hate it, but sometimes as in my mums case there is no other way. very sad. 🙂
I have 2 daughters and a daughter in law who all work in the dementia wing of the same nursing home I worked in as a 17 yr old. These people (some not so old) would be so very difficult for family or friends to care for. They have a total turnaround of personality most of them which can make them quite dangerous to themselves and to others. All 3 of the girls have had injuries at some time inflicted by their patients but they are trained to deal with these people in the best way they possibly can. This nursing home and the secure wing they are in keeps them safe and gives them the ability to live the remainder of their lives with dignity and honour despite their disability. As we get older so do our family and, while the elderly are winding down their lives to more sedate activities, our children and younger friends who would be capable of looking after the older ones, are more concerned with their own busy lives and preparing for their own old age. The dont have time any more to tend to the needs of an elderly or ill parent. So a nursing home is the very best alternative. Just as there are bad ones there are also good ones so one must look around and ask questions of friends who have had parents or relations in these places. All being well that time will not come and I will be able to spend my “old years” independent and out in the world but if that doesnt happen I would hope to graciously go to a good place where my family and friends can visit me without having to pick me up off the floor, tend to my toileting and whiping my butt or feeding me my meals.
As always Faye, you have hit the ‘nail on the head’!!! your comment is brilliant and I agree with you on every aspect. as you know…making that decision for me as regards my Mum wasn’t an easy one to make, and every day i still feel the guilt over it, and question myself as to whether i did the right thing or not. Thank you so much for your comment. 🙂
my mom had been in a nursing home for three years when she passed away last year…she had alzheimers…she lived with my aunt (her sister) until it got impossible to care for her 24/7 and the doctor insisted she be placed in a home….i believe she received excellent care and compassion…the night before she died all the girls that worked on her wing came in to say goodbye when they left their shifts at 11pm,even though she was unresponsive and we have no idea if she could hear anyone…and the ones that came on at 11pm and 7 am also came by to greet her and tell her goodbye….when she passed away at 9a.m. the ladies that had taken care of her cried even more than i did….i firmly believed they loved her like she was their own mom ….and they insisted on cleaning and preparing her body even though i told them they didnt have too…..this was the last thing they could do for her and when they came out of her room they were all in tears….i will never forget the love and the respect they showed for my 82 year old mother even though she had no idea who they were and could not respond to their kindness….these ladies will always have my respect and appreciation
thank you so much for your comment msscooter, as you will see from my replies above, my Mum is also in a care home. I have a great respect for all the staff there and admire their dedication to all the residents. Like you say…i’m sure the staff loved your Mum as one of theirs. 🙂
I have worked in this setting for many, many years. I love both our patients and our staff. The staff have been trained to deal with their ‘work’ and would not work their if not for their ‘heart.’ Each time I lose a patient, I mourn because a piece of my heart has been taken away. I mourn for the patient and the people who loved them as well. No one would choose to live in any home but their own if they had a choice. Many, many people do not have that option. Many are much better off living in our home than they were living in their own, whether alone or with family, for various reasons. I am proud to be part of their lives and I love them with all of my heart.
karenlisa i know exactly how you feel on that and couldn’t agree with you more. I think you have to be that ‘special’ kind of person to do that work and can quite understand how you become attached to each and everyone of the residents as if they were your own. thank you so much for your comment. 🙂
I have no doubt that there are some very good care/ nursing homes and also some really bad ones about .. I was very lucky when i was looking after my mum about 3 years ago ( she was in her high 90’s ) 97 when she left us ) that A …she did not want to go into a home and B that i was in a position to be able to look after her 24/7 with some help for washing ect Yes i can apprieciate that most people have busier lives than me working and family ect
eddy your Mum was the lucky one having you to care for her. It is very difficult in a lot of cases and i admire you for doing what you did for both your mum and dad. 🙂 🙂
Thanks Ma’am , though to me it just seemed the most natural thing to do x
My sister put our Mum into a nursing home – they both lived 3,500 miles away from me and I had no say in the matter. Mum had Parkinsons and Alzheimers. She’d always been a robust woman who enjoyed her nosh – when I flew over to British Columbia on a visit, she weighed 89 lbs. I was appalled, and told my sister something must’ve been wrong – either the food in the home was awful, or that for whatever reason, Mum couldn’t feed herself. My sister, as usual, shouted me down. Accused me of “interfering” and that I “didn’t have any idea what I was talking about.” She claimed old people don’t need as much food, which was why Mum wasn’t eating and looked like a concentration camp victim. My sister is bossy and overbearing – to my eternal shame, I allowed her to browbeat me into silence.
Nine months later Mum collapsed due to starvation. My sister then told me (without a qualm or batting an eye) that apparently the reason for Mum’s starvation stemmed from the fact that she’d had a couple of mini strokes, and couldn’t feed herself. To this day, I can hardly bear to think of it – my beloved Mum starving to death right under the eyes of my sister and all the staff in the Home.
oh Jo jo how awful for you to have to go through that with your mum, and how bad is that of the nursing home to allow such a thing to happen. I really feel for you on that one hun. I have always thought how much easier it would be if i too had a sister to help at times, now i’m not too sure. I appreciate your comment as always.
Thanks Polly – but I blame my sister far more than I do the home Mum was in. I told her there had to be a reason why Mum wasn’t eating – I suggested that maybe Mum couldn’t for some reason or other, feed herself – and I was shouted down and brow beaten for saying these things. I can see your point of view that it might’ve been nice to have a sister to help at times, but you wouldn’t want one like mine!