Number 1

Just as an observation of some of the members here. They seem to be living in large towns or cities. I have lived on the side of a mountain in Wicklow for the last 30 years. I was married and I do have kids. For many years my life revolves around running a fairly successful business in Dublin and in my spare time working with young horses. I was living the dream this all ended about 3to4 years ago. For the most part of the first year i was under a fair bit of pressure. I won’t go into the details of it at this stage. Maybe later. It ended up that more or less over night I lost everything. I entered a very dark place. Depression being one of the things that effected me a lot. I ended up at one stage where I couldn’t afford food.  I mean totally broke. I had to move into an old camper van I had bought when I had money. The idea was to restore this van which never happened. But I had no choice. The second year was some highs and some vey lows. I spent a lot of time trying to keep what I had. Fighting legal battles and not getting anywhere. That point where I was afraid to open post as every letter seemed to be a bill or a solicitors letter. Around the end of last year I began to see a little bit of light. Then my ex decided she would stop the lads calling down to me. So I did not see them over the Christmas this effected me a lot. I was going back to that dark place. So I took a leap of faith. I decided the the boys were old enough to make their own minds up and I would not contact them. It was up to them. Funny thing happened very soon after I decided this.  We had a dog as a family and he still lived in the house. Well the dog was the first to visit. Then the lads started to get in touch. First by text. Then resentful visiting. But before that. When I “Let go”. Things in my head improved. For the last 2 months I can say I have never been happier. I still have nothing. Still living in a Leakey camper van but so much happier in my self not chasing the uncatchable. I accept where I am. There have been other things that have happened and again if I write another one of these things I’ll go into it then if I can get up the courage. But the long and the short of it is I will more than likely in the near future to get my camper life sorted  and the strange thing is I’m not sure I want to. I do not want to upset this inner peace I have discovered. So there yu are folks the first blog maybe we’ll do another in the future.