No communication, No relationship
I just read a poster and it prompted me to do this blog:
Without COMMUNICATION there is no RELATIONSHIP.
Without RESPECT there is no LOVE.
Without TRUST there is no reason to CONTINUE.
This poster sums up a lot that we may know but lose sight of when we are in the MUDDLE of our daily lives with many people. I do mean MUDDLE and not middle even though we are in the middle of many conversations and many relationships. The first line is saying that our ability to communicate with another person determines our relationship with that person. People that we feel a deep connection with, are those that we feel comfortable sharing our thoughts in an honest way about important joys and concerns. We may have a mailman and after many years, the mailman may become a trusted friend. We may have a lover and we share our deepest and best and our darkest secrets. If we find ourself editing what we say, we are not building a relationship.
Without RESPECT their is no LOVE. I am not as sure about this.I think it has to with wanting to ADMIRE and to be ADMIRED. When we see a person as a jerk, we cannot love them. We admire strength, honesty, hard work, etc. and we either have similar qualities or hope to have them and we love a person who does have our admiration. It is said that love hides a multitude of faults, but love is seeing something that makes the person worthy of love. As I said I am not as sure about this and would appreciate your thoughts.
The last one. Without TRUST, there is no reason to STAY. I think this means that you do not know the person at all. What you thought you knew, is no longer believed. One party has an affair, and invalidates the basis of the relationship. The “you and I” against the world, “the you and me” and “only me”, gets ERASED, and there is no “TIE THAT BINDS”. Maybe, there is no big event but over time the original relationship just ERODED away and is GONE. People just LOSE a connection. They no longer COMMUNICATE, which is where this started.
Without COMMUNICATION there is no relationship. The quality of the communication determines the quality of the relationship. Think about your LOVERS or LOVED ONES, FRIENDS and ACQUAINTANCES, and what you CAN SAY and DO SAY to that person. BUILDING FRIENDS takes time, so beware of people who seem to “love” you immediately, or seem to “hate” you for no reason.
I learn a lot from writing my own blogs and I am going to really think about this communication and building relationships. I think I need to listen more and really be more interested in what another has to say. Maybe, I will spread my words like flowers, but my words will always have to be true, otherwise I will not be trusted. Round and round it goes, from communication, respect, or NO reason to CONTINUE.
I began writing blogs on this website, because I met and trusted a lot of people and I have faith in people to see and respect my motives which are honest and wholesome and I feel that we all need to communicate and we all benefit when we do.
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Hi Rose,I agree communication is so important but sometimes very hard to do for a variety of reasons……….be it of a sexual or personal nature you would have to tread very carefully in some cases,and this could be embarrassing for both parties,sometimes things that we are unable to approach in a calm manner come out during an argument,your post says if you’re really close you should be able to discuss anything,maybe but I wonder how many find that to be the case,I for one do not,……..as for trust…….no trust no relationship, call it a day move on……..some will say a partners cheating saved their relationship, made them relook it and discuss the problems that led to the infidelity, good for them……..others will turn a blind eye,if they choose to dismiss it they do not have to act upon it,this maybe the easier option but the underlying problems still remain. Respect has to be there to some degree,we all expect that,respect each others opinions even though we may not always agree with them,but we are all human and by no stretch of the imagination perfect,bad idea to idolise anyone and totally follow their ideas and plans,have your own mind and say too……….what I would say one of the biggest attributes you need is tolerance……… tolerance for others shortfalls and hopefully they for ours also……you may have a partner but that does not mean you have contentment, that in my opinion is what we seek……..oh well that’s the world put to rights for today…..NOT…….hehe……..just to add a little more that could proove helpful,write a letter to your other half explaining how you feel, what is bothering you and causing you concern,maybe easier to open up a conversation between you and get the ball rolling…
Thank you for a comprehensive and thoughtful reply. I was able to think more clearly about several relationships. It works for all of them. I do have one relationship that stays on the same and rather superficial plane. Some people are not trusted and that is not good but the relationship is difficult since they are family.
like your blogs rose. keep at it.
Thank you so much, walkinupright.
Hi Rose, Love your blog. It makes us think more about how very important communication is to relationships. I feel it is the very heart of relationships. With no communication we really do not know each other at all. Thank you for inviting all of us to communicate with everyone who is important in our lives. Please keep writing the great blogs.
Do you mind if I call you Canada gal, and you got my intention exactly. If we don’t stay in touch our relationships cannot stay really close.
This seems a simplistic view to me since every relationship is unique and there are no hard and fast rules governing what makes any particular relationship successful.
Laurie, Many relationships are different, and formed for different reasons, but a close intimate relationship requires some basics. I do believe.
That’s fine but I just see it differently.
Laurie, I do appreciate your comment. You did make a good point. People are different and not ALL people want a close relationship. Those people do need to look at their relationships from that perspective.
Thanks Rose.
Hi Rose,
many books about that theme have been written in the past and even more will be written in the future.
A simple think with large momentousness in various aspects.
To me the main aspect is respect followed by the tolerance of the Imperfection of other person. Are those core values the substatial part of a relation all other necessities will follow by its own.
Michael, I agree there are many book written on the subject of communication, but not as many on respect and trust.
I don’t think I understand that with respect and tolerance, the rest will follow.
Thanks Rose but I must say it sounds so incredibly complicated when the components of shoulds and shouldn`ts are laid out.I`ve always gone by gut feelings and intuition and listening and feeling for those invisible things in any contact with another person to prompt which of the shoulds and shouldn`ts be applied.Things like Trust,Love,Admiration,Respect,Communication etc have different meanings or interpretation for different people and they must all be relevant between any 2 people but it has to go through a filtering process so that it can be presented in a way acceptable and understandable to another.Its all complicated to me,dont see the sense in being a chatter box if nobody is listening.Great blog Rose.
Michael, “the rest will follow” is the part that was confusing. I do agree respect and tolerance are essential for living together. I live with my grandson and he hates to do dishes especially silverware. I wash up and if I need him to wash dishes, I will let him leave the silverware. Most of the time, I do most all washing dishes. He does not mind pots and pans and I don’t like those. A small example, but the “bones of contention can be small”. My grandson broke up two live-together relationships because both girls had mothers who totally waited on them and he was not inclined to do housework, and had very little time. Things are not traditional anymore and there is a need for a lot more communication.
Sylvester, first, it is complicated. Another person thought it too simplistic. You make a necessary point. “listening and feeling for those invisible things in any contact” is important. Now that is complicated, but it is also necessary. “gone with gut feelings”, maybe could use some talking. Maybe, but there are times to turn the lights down and “shut up”. Maybe, some people are chatter boxes because the other one is not chatting. Kind of like in our chat box. It is hard to get it right there. Again, the non verbal communication IS communication and NOT to be ignored and in our chat box, we only have the written words. We can use emoticons and caps.
Its easy to explain Rose. Respect which comes first is just the matterof acceptance other people of being an human being.
Second the tolerance as a fact of acceceptance other people of being imperfect.
Example, no one in this ( in my world ) can ever expect me doing things 100% right. If im good than I will only reach 85-max 90% not more. Only God does constitutes 100% and that is good.
I must be lucky. I have never worried about the nuts and bolts of a friendship. If it feels warm and genuine, it usually has proven to be just that. I suppose I am fairly shrewd, so no one I have ever known as a friend has ever let me down. I suppose one ‘disappointed’ me,. But I suspected he would. Gave the benefit of my doubt, and he lost my trust, but much more with it. Interesting blogg Rose, as usual.
geeljay, you seem to be a sharing person who doesn’t hide your feeling, so it may ne natural for you, and I see that you mention trust, so you are also discerning.