MY VIEW OF OTTAWA

MY VIEW OF OTTAWA
C 2009 JoJo

It has recently occurred to me that, while I’ve written numerous blogs about my life in Brazil, my life in England, and my life in Quebec, I’ve never written one about my present whereabouts.

I live in Ottawa, Ontario, which is not only the nation’s capital but THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE! At least the Ottawans seem to behave as if it were – damn civil servants, driving like they own the road and get the hell out of their way!

Actually, the way Ottawa became the nation’s capital is quite interesting. After confederation in 1867, (when Canada became an independent country) a huge fight ensued between Toronto and Montreal, as each was vying to become the nation’s capital. It was decided to allow Queen Victoria to make the ultimate decision. A map was spread out before her, and she pointed a royal digit at a spot on the map, roughly in between Toronto and Montreal, and said “I do declare that the Capital of Canadah, shall be heah!” The spot in question was Ottawa which, up until that moment in time, had been a small and totally unimportant logging town. So that’s how Ottawa became Canada’s capital. Isn’t that just totally fascinating?

Back in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s, a very clever engineer by the name of Colonel By, designed a series of canals, fed by the Rideau River, that meander all over the Ottawa Valley. It’s called the Rideau Canal. In winter it freezes (well just about everything freezes, including our butts) and it’s delightful to see hoards of people skating on it. It’s called the longest skating rink in the world, and I don’t doubt it is. I’ve often wished I knew how to skate and although I tried hard to learn while on holiday in England back when I was young, I just never mastered it. I’d love to go out and skate on the Rideau Canal for miles and miles and miles, then hurry back to my parked car for a lovely hot rum toddy, to warm up! Mmmmm!

Our Parliamentary system is based on England’s, and our Houses of Parliament look a great deal like theirs too.

Our House of Commons has a Peace Tower with a gurt great clock on it (resembling England’s Big Ben, but not quite as big) and it has an elevator (lift) that takes tourist up the shaft located inside the tower, right alongside the huge bells that ring out the hours and half hours. One side of the elevator is all glass, so one can see these massive bells as one goes up (or down as the case would be), and it would be a good idea not to go up (or down) in said elevator/lift when it’s on the hour or the half hour because they would blast your ears drums out. At the very top, there is a glassed in enclosure, through which you get the spectacular views of Ottawa and Hull, Quebec, which is located on the other side of the Ottawa River.

Well to be precise, half way across any of the bridges linking the two Provinces, you will see the sign BIENVENUE A QUEBEC (Welcome to Quebec) – if you’re going into Quebec – and on the other side on your return trip, smack dab in the middle of the Bridge another sign reading WELCOME TO ONTARIO. This means that any fish swimming on the Quebec half of the river speak French, the guys on our side speak English and the ones in between are bi-lingual! Hahaha.

Although we’d lived here for 19 years at the time, I only set foot inside the Houses of Parliament when my sister and brother in law came over on a visit. The security screening at the entrance was very thorough! So thorough in fact, that I actually got patted down for concealed weapons. It might not have been too bad had it been a male security officer doing the patting, but it was a large, fearsome and very ugly woman who resembled what I’d imagine a wardress from Belsen Concentration Camp would’ve looked like. She didn’t talk – she barked. No kidding!

Anyhow, once inside, we got to see the main chamber where our Government sat in “the House” (as it’s called). The Government sat on a rows of seats, facing the Opposition, who sat on the opposite side in other rows of seats. The Speaker of the House sat at the far end of the Hall facing us, and was trying to maintain order by banging his gavel, while a lively debate was going on. It looked like fun and I would’ve loved to have joined in!

“Any questions?” asked our tall, dark, handsome and fluently bi-lingual English/French guide.

I raised my hand. “Are the seats of the Government better padded and comfier than those of the Opposition?” I asked.

Everyone laughed. “No, they’re the same,” the guide replied, “But I can assure you the Opposition would prefer to be sitting in the seats on the other side of the aisle!”

Following this question, for some indefinable reason, a group of Japanese tourists decided to attach themselves to me, and started asking me questions, which I in turn asked the guide. Maybe they felt more comfortable having me ask the questions than being bold and asking the questions themselves? That’s the only reason I can come up with for having been appointed intermediary between Canada and Japan!!

Ottawa is a very prim and proper city – Hull is the opposite – all the strip joints (both male and female) are located there, so the common expression here is “If you want to have a good time, GO TO HULL!” and that’s what everyone does!! A few years ago, the good citizens there (or maybe it was their mayor, but who cares?) re-named “Hull” to “Gatineau” but everyone still calls it “Hull.” Old habits die hard.

I love Quebec and enjoyed living in Montreal for 20 years, before moving here. French Canadians are warm, friendly and very humorous people while Ontarians are anything but. I am a friendly outgoing lady, and just for the hell of it, I often start chatting to people if I’m standing in line at the grocery store or what have you. Nine times out of ten, I get an icy look which clearly says “What do you want from me, lady and who in the hell are you anyway?” However, for some strange reason, in doctor’s waiting rooms, little old men hit on me! I appear to have a special appeal to little old men! Oh well, I guess little old men need to be loved too – not that this love would emanate from me! But I chat to them, politely refuse their invitation to have a cup of coffee with them after we’ve been duly seen by our Quack, and bid them a fond farewell when it’s over!

There’s very little industry as such in Ottawa (ergo, no air pollution) – it’s 99% Government and Foreign Embassies. The Brazilian Embassy is here on Wilbrod Street, and every year I get an invitation to a cocktail party there on the 7th September, which is Brazilian Independence Day. I did attend one year, and enjoyed all the Brazilian goodies that were being served out on the lawn, along with a wicked fruit punch that packed a wallop. I do believe that there was some fruit juice in it, but I’m not sure – if so, there wasn’t much! I think that half of it consisted of cachaca, a Brazilian alcoholic drink that’s about 150 proof! I don’t know what the other half consisted of, but who cared? Certainly not I!!

At the onset of this cocktail party, I found the Brazilian Embassy staff particularly snobbish with a better-than-thou attitude that grated on my nerves, but after two or three fruit punches, I found them positively charming and delightful! I think that after two or three of those Brazilian fruit punches, I would’ve found the Incredible Hulk incredibly winsome and sexy as hell!

Ottawa also boasts an arboretum which is very beautiful and also an Experimental Farm where I gather they experiment on cattle and other farming stuff. The Farm used to be surrounded by magnificent gardens, and it was a favourite spot, throughout summer, for brides and grooms to go to in order to have their wedding photographs taken. Interestingly, I met a guy in the local senior center, (now retired) who used to be head gardener at the Experimental Farm, and he told me they’d cut back on staff so drastically that the gardens weren’t a patch on what they used to be. Such is life, alas!

Ottawa has more museums than you could swing a cat at. The place is riddled with museums (or would that be “musia?”). There’s a War Museum, The Museum of Man” (the women’s group here in Ottawa objected to that title and there was some talk of changing it to “The Museum of Humanity – bloody stupid if you ask me). There’s the Museum of Science & Technology, and the Museum of Civilization, the Museum of Arts & Sciences” and numerous others that I can’t think of off the top of my head. If you are a Museum buff, then Ottawa is the place for you to visit.

Now let’s talk about our weather here in Ottawa. Well, in a word, it sucks. Extremely cold, snowy and icy in the winter (all 5 months of it) and stinking hot in the summer, with Spring and Fall crammed in between the two, lasting just a few short weeks or so. Spring is quite amazing – one day the trees are bare and BANG the next day they’re in full leaf!

The time to visit Ottawa would definitely be in the spring, during the “Tulip Festival.” Few people realize that Canada gave sanctuary to the Dutch Royal Family during World War II. Ever since then, as a gesture of gratitude, the Dutch have provided Ottawa with tulip bulbs, millions of them, that are planted all around the city and are quite spectacular. Dows Lake is a particularly lovely spot to visit during the “Tulip Festival” because it’s surrounded by huge flowerbeds, bursting with (what else?) tulips.

Another feature of Ottawa which is quite lovely is the Parkway. This is a double lane roadway that meanders alongside the Ottawa River, and is surrounded by parkland. There is also a narrow paved path that runs the length of the Parkway, and is heavily used by pedestrians, cyclists and skateboarders.

If you’re crazy enough to come here in Winter (and you’d have to be nuts) the Rideau Canal is spectacular. It freezes over and is called “The Longest Skating Rink in the World” because it meanders for hundreds of miles, all around the Ottawa Valley. It’s a wonderful sight to see families skating along it in wintertime. Very picturesque – but you wouldn’t get me doing it! Hahaha

So that just about covers all aspects of life in Ottawa. Just let me know when you’re coming on a visit, and I will put a shrimp on the Barbie!!