Meaning of a Relationship
Definition of relationship from the Oxford DIctionary and other sources
noun – the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected:
The effects of relationships be they in the real world or the new cyber world have been the subject of previous blogs and it set me to thinking about our relationship with people and I share my thoughts.
Relationships are when each are finding within the other person something that meets the presenting needs or matches something lacking or positive within themselves. They then feel fulfilled and whole. Like two halves of the same coin make a whole coin. Our special friend makes the connection so you enjoy doing the same things and sharing the same outings or interests and so we again satisfy something within both parties. I have observed what seemed like perfect couples who then flounder and often its when something that made the whole goes missing – like a cake divided into three but when one section is missing it creates a vacuum that has to be filled and if the new section doesn’t work for all the whole thing collapses. Like if a partner is made redundant and the “family dynamic” is changed along with the status quo of the relationship. My friends happy marriage ended when her Dad died as he provided the strength her husband lacked so without him she saw the weakness in her husband she had never noticed before.
We meet someone and are attracted to them perhaps physically at first and then when we get to know them we either remain “in love” as we find more connecting parts or we “fall out of love” as we no longer find them the same way as we did at the start of the relationship. The special one we often marry or make our life time partner and often such relationships last when sometimes they continue platonically as there are enough connecting points remaining that still make enough of a “whole” thing to be worth while and another will end as without it their is no satisfaction within the relationship for them. Others may demand 100% and throw away 75% only to find that they are left with nothing,
We often do not work through issues as we always think the “grass is greener” on the other side or waste time in envy someone else’s relationship whilst not working at the one you still have. Things are NOT greener on the other side ….they are just different as its a different place and person with no guarantee of that relationship working out long term than the one you toss aside.
We often go into the “blame culture” and say it is such and such’s fault as they did this or they did that. We are in the pond of emotion and so we do not see what those outside can see and with the anger and blame we have to wait for the dust to settle and the emotional tide to recede before we can revisit and if we are lucky….see our own mistakes and accept our own blame for what happened. Often it is then too late to go back and try to fix what had become broken. We blame others for our own unhappiness when in fact it is really our own fault. My nephew is realising this now the relationship has ended with the girl he left his wife and child for. On reflection he sees he did not talk enough about why he was so unhappy with his wife or really try hard enough to work it out, even though he did try. but its now 6 years to late to go back. SO he now sees his son half the week, sees the effect it has had on him, and now feeling “loss” himself of his new relationship and realises now for the first time how his wife must have felt at the time he left her.
No decision is a wrong decision when we make it…..we make a choice and we have to live with the consequences of the choice we made…….each step has a pay cheque attached and sometimes the payment is wonderful and other times it is hard to cope with it. We are responsible for our own decisions, and our own happiness as how we feel and live tomorrow is how we are thinking today and sometimes owning that is harder than it seems. Theory is always easier than practice. Perhaps this is the point and lesson of life and so it is best to own our own mistakes and learn from them if we can.
What thoughts do you have?
Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
Well written, well said, completely agree. Good blog. HS
THIS is an excellent blog. Very well expressed. I so agree and found what you have said to be true in my own relationships, especially my marriage. My husband and I came very near separating about 4 yrs ago. We’ve been rebuilding since, and things are better than ever. We have been married 28 years. I came from a twice divorced home myself, and so I have that perspective too. I would never judge anyone else’s relationship though, everyone has a unique story and circumstances.
So glad to hear you managed to hang in there and fix it and love the choice of words….rebuilding. WIth fostering for 30 years and watching the distruction that can follow a breakup with the kids used as weapons it saddens me that we behave as we do. I understand the emotions etc but wish we could find some way of making it an easier path. Marriage is like building a business partnership with children as the product and often we forget in the heated emotions to protect the product we created together. But how we handle it is unique to us all.
I can’t think of any other thoughts to add except…you’re words say it all!! Excellent blog!!
Thank you
what a wonderful insight , could,nt agree more xxx.
I agree and thanks for sharing. I had an epiphany a few days ago. In a divorce or dissolution of any relationship we throw out the good to rid ourselves of the bad. So when something very bad comes in a relationship, it has to resolved or dissolved. A relationship can last forever with some good, even very little, but in comes some bad thing and the relationship death knell will ring.
Someone said to me once that marriage or that level of relationship is a bit like gluing to pieces of paper together…….the problem is you can then not successfully separate them and make them pristine ever again, without one ripping or pulling against the other so that when separated they are then damaged with bits of each other hanging around for ever. Thanks
Wow, that’s a great analogy, Hurting.
Oh, Hurting, what a great way of saying something that is so true. Really hit home with me.
MHB. I agree with that glue and paper analogy. it took a while for me to remember all the positive aspects that my former husbands had and the growth of myself resulting from my time with them.
good blog.
I noticed ALL the replies were from women??
is that a problem that all woman answered? maybe because the men seem to be the ones who look for greener grass quicker then woman!!!!!
Or it could be that men just chose not to read it or read it and decided not to post a comment. I have observed quite a few women who see greener grass…….or want the green grass of home as well as having a graze elsewhere. I think the more modern woman of today is equal to the manipulation of the males of the world.
Thanks I hadn’t noticed that as my focus was in the comment but interesting so now my mind is left wondering at significance of that. Do men see relationships differently, or not read or not comment on blogs? Am genuinely interested so how about expanding your own views provoked by reading the blog. Agree or dis agree from the male prospective?
i agree with a lot of what you wrote but we must all make our own decisions in life sometimes their right sometimes not but thars what lifes about xx
Thanks Jack and totally agree we make our own decisions and its because we can’t see ahead before we make them that is what often makes us reflect when time has passed and we can have some regrets.
great blog & very truthful. Your so right theres never ever greener grass. My ex husband left me for his ex girlfriend he had 2 kids with & was cheating with for at least a yr. I was very hurt & took 3 yrs to get over with. That was 8 yrs ago & karma & revenge can be sweet. But he was with her about 5 1/2 yrs & left her for another woman he met & ended up marrying last year. So obviously the girlfriend got back what comes around. Todays problem is no one wants to take the time & effort to work at relationships. They want everything to be happy & perfect like in the movies.
Impressive my friend. For a very long time I felt lesser-then because of men forcing their beliefs of superiority on me. Although my late boyfriend treated me like a Queen I still find I’m totally comfortable living alone. Especially now that I have complete control over the TV remote.
Thanks leaf. Sorry you have experienced men tho made you feel ‘less’ than who you were but did they force their believe of superiority on you or were you in a place that it felt “normal” to choose to accept it? We all have past believes that we learn through life that shape how we see ourselves and that determines how we react and choose other people. You obviously grew to appreciate yourself as you found someone who treated you like a queen. Being a queen with sole control of the remote sounds good to me. x
Thank you and for me your word perfect stands out. Particularly with the younger folk today…they want instant and perfect. I started out with second hand stuff but today its all new and no waiting. The drive for physical perfection and perfect homes and relationships like in the magazines and movies….no building together and no learning together. Throw away society.
wow brilliant post this hun…enjoyed readin it 🙂
A good blog MHB, but I might be the fly in the ointment here ,yes they say the grass is greener because it has been fed on bulls,.t, but do we stay in a relationship when all you have become is friends, is this what we settle for because it is easier, a lot of people do, as I have found out from this site, but they are not happy. It is a big risk leaving a settled comfortable life, but who can say the new life you have chosen will fail, or even if it does, surely a few years of passion, laughs and happiness are better than years spent with someone to whom you have become indifferent, ok if there is something left between you that is worth working on by all means do so ,but if the spark has gone it’s gone, there is no need to justify your feelings to others, no need to blame your partner for how you feel, not always anyone’s fault, people grow and change, life is to short to spend in a unfulfilling relationship.
Thanks Star for your comments – fly in the ointment you are not. Staying in a platonic relationship or leaving it is the decision for the people concerned….depending on what presenting needs they have to meet. My point I think is that we have to own the needs and that the decision is the one we chose at that pivical time and so we should not then “blame” someone/something else if it goes wrong. Some folks stay and are not happy but maybe they would not have been any happier someplace else. Maybe they were to scared so stayed but but it was still their choice. It’s a leap of faith when we make any decision but it is our own individual decision – no one can make us happy but ourself. Sometimes you can be happier with someone but they are still not responsible for your happiness – you are. We can blame them for telling lies, but we need to take some responsibility for choosing to believing them without question even if its just to learn we were a gullible idiot and endeavour to be more aware next time. If a particular relationship has run it’s course and there is nothing left that is a meaningful connection then yes….move on and be happy elsewhere. We each have our own individual list of what makes a meaningful relationship and those lists will all differ as its our own needs we need to fulfill.