Looking for a new normal
I moved my mom into my home four years ago because she needed to be cared for with worsening dementia.
Ten months ago my husband Allan started having a series of medical issues and before that was very active and healthy. He was in the hospital 14 times (admitted) and no idea how many ER visits. Long story short is we figured out one issue and then another would happen. My husband of 20 years died last month with infection in two valves of his heart and no surgeon that would perform surgery.
I came home to my work being closed down, and then going on lock down for this virus. I am not a solitary person and not being able to surround myself with loved ones is making this more difficult.
To add to that my Mom “mama joy” is seriously most of the time MEAN AS A SNAKE. I know she is confused and lost in her dementia so I do not take it personally but it does wear on a person hearing over an over so many times a day “You are terrible, awful, nuts! I don’t like you! Get out of here! I don’t want to see you! Stop touching me! ” She does have moments of clarity and moments of being nice, and I so treasure them!
My 24 year old daughter Morgan also lives in my home, and I am so thankful that she is here as we are so close and she helps with Grandma Joy occasionally so I can have a break! When we are not on lock down I have other children that also help out while I work. I am blessed.
When I am working I am very fortunate to be doing what I am passionate about! I work for a local University as one of the Catering Managers, and I get to set up meetings, weddings, anniversary parties, fund raisers, …etc and I love making each event perfect!!! I have worked in food & beverage for nearly 40 years, and working in every job involved at some point makes me a well rounded person to navigate, lead, and cheer the team on!!! I love doing all of those jobs so I continue to jump in to help cook, bartend, serve, do dishes, set up, tear down, cashier, ordering, schedules… and so much more!
Prior to my husband becoming ill, being a caregiver for two adults, forced to go down to part time at work, and losing my husband… My personality was always optimistic, upbeat, silly, spontaneous, always up for shenanigans, and laughter was always a plenty!!! My situation now is that I really miss that person, and hope to find her again.
When the weather is warm and I can get outside to work in our garden I start to feel a bit more like myself. It is a surreal feeling because nature & all living things was my common ground with My husband as we really were polar opposites. Our differences is what made us perfect for one another. We challenged each other, celebrated each other, infuriated one another, were brutally honest with the other, and treated love as an action word and showed more than said it. Allan was MY PERSON.
Thank you if you made it through all of this. 🙂
Recommended2 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
Tamra ?, you obviously won’t know me, but i’ve taken to writing a blog about days gone by every morning of late, but today, will be different. I’ve just read your blog, and can’t begin to understand what you’re going through, but my heart goes out to you love. I’ll not write a blog tody, as i personally think, yours takes preference, and should be read by as many as possible. You write a good story Tamra, thankyou, and i wish you all the luck in the world, x
Bless your kindness Harry!
xx
Harry, I don’t think that’s a story or tale, That’s @Tamra life, feelings emotions all served up with humility.
Indeed. This is my life.
Sending you prayers, @tamra My mother had Dementia as well, 14 years of so much heartbreak. She is finally resting in peace.
Thank you for you sweet comfort!
Stay strong Tamra. Welcome to the site
Thank you for the welcome and encouragement!
Tanra I am so sorry for your loss in your best friend also your mother..Life often doesn’t turn out the way we wanted things to go .Be kind to yourself at the moment your going through a rough time and it takes awhile for one to get over the death of a husband,.your best friend.These are really hard times for us all to navigate so stay safe and chat to us all on here .
Your caring words help so much!
Sending you love healing and blessings, .you probably are sick of hearing “it will get better” so spend a quiet 5 minutes every morning before you get out of bed, and talk to your forever mate, carry him into your day, he will always be in you heart.
Yes, you are blessed , so many good memories to cherish, keep allowing yourself that vulnerability, it will turn into your biggest strength. Xxx
Thank you for the advice. I honestly feel so lost I am not sure what to do but I keep trying.
Very moving Tamra Xx
Bless you!
Tamra, You have been challenged in your life situation, and yet you remain so optimistic! You are a very strong and it sounds like a very loving caregiver. Thank you for sharing your struggles.
Thank you for seeing the positive in all of my musings. I desperately need to believe I will continue to evolve and be a better version of me through all of this. Such amazing support can only help me navigate. So very appreciated!
You are in good company here. Your writing will help you I truly believe in writings.
I must agree it did help to get it out there and share!
Thank you for your honesty and share. Praying for you and your next chapter. I hear you…, I feel you…, I see you 🙂
Bless you ozarkwillow!