lonelyless
drummer, good blog just wish someone would take in what I feel since I lost my dear wife its got so bad for me now I call my house an open prison & people just laugh caus I,ve made a joke ? and I feel traped inside four walls I have been told to go out meet new people etc but its not that simple. we were married 44 year courted 2 year before that it was said where you seen sue you seen me & same went for me so a 46 year gap is a long time maybe more to follow in time
Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
Kapla, my continued sympathies on the loss of your dear Sue. …Please know, that there are many people here on this site who will always be here for you when you need support. Many of us have lost loved ones, spouses or other family members, and the pain of their loss never fully goes away, but perhaps with the communication and care of those around us here on this site, there are some days that can be a bit brighter than other days. Many people feel the same as you do.. that is, as you put it, a bit trapped within the walls of your home…. lost in your grief. Everyone’s path through the grieving process is different of course, and please feel free to continue to reach out to us whenever you feel the need. There is always support, and truly caring individuals here, who do understand what you are expressing. ..We’re here for you, Kapla.
Hello Kapla, someone once said to me its harder to lose a partner/ spouse when you are older……..at the time I would have disputed it…. but now not so sure…. having lost my hubby when I was 35 I had a sixteen year old son a nine year old daughter, a full time job, had to get back to work and get on with it, plenty to occupy me and fill my hours, now though I would be inclined to agree it may well be worse when you are older and retired……..so many empty hours to fill….its easier for some to say you have to get out join clubs Blah Blah Blah……..dare say you will when you get fed up enough……..perhaps you don’t feel like going to the places you went together, pain still very raw…….cannot set a time limit on the grieving process……..just baby steps, hang around in here, even if you don’t feel like chatting there are people around……..know that you are not alone…..
Kapla, there is nothing more lonely than the place you are at. The only suggestion I can make is look near where you are, for a friendship group. They are there, and the members will feel as you do. My wife died Feb 2015, and only now am I coming to the place where I am coping. A day at a time, buddy. We each need someone to share, touch, feel hug, and share conversation.
Dear Kapla , there are many here that have and will walk your path, this lonliness and grief is such a single thing , many do understand , memories come in at night when one is alone , grieving is an isolating feeling, if you feel like talking we will always be here for you , if you want quiet times then take those times ,walk down memory lane , remember all the good times and cherish them as you no doubt do. Many people grieve in different ways ,there is no time limit , but just know , you are not alone …. ((((hugs))))) xx
kapla know how you feel been there too.all I can say is it will take time and only you know when you are ready to mix again.When I lost my husband it was like losing half myself and my best friend.One day you will notice things getting a little easer until then just be kind to yourself,cry a little and I found this site helped a lot.(((((((hugs))))))))
Hello Kapla – Your blog brought tears to my eyes, for I recall all too well how I felt when put in your current situation after 30 years.
Be assured that there are many of us on Chatters who would do anything to help – we share your grief- our thoughts and prayers are certainly with you.
God Bless. Drummer
Good morning Kapla,
to be honest with you, I’m not the right man to talk that situation you’re in with you. But you’re in the right place here on SC. Be patient for a little while and many more nice member will offer you hh / hugs and help.
To manage a serious situation, better to get over it only one way has helped me out of the brain prision; it did things I absolutely hated to do. I looked for new challenges in combination with new people so both distracted from my sorrows. Very soon I found out that kind words were not suitable for help cos my thoughts went round like being in a funfair carousel. I also made an important step of going to new places, places I haven’t been before.
Each of us is different, feels different, thinks different and therefore let me say this; what suits me must not suit you. If I was in your case I would say anything that blows the cobwebs away will help. Michael
thank you for your blog michael & to all who bloged me i have been off site all weekend and i have just come in to check if i have any messages but there was none all well no matter i suppose
You never ‘get over it’. But you do learn to cope, with what you have been dealt.
Hello Kapla, my heart goes out to you as I have been in your place and believe it or not have come out the other side. I lost a child 30 years ago and my very dear husband 11 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think fondly of them but the pain has dulled but will never go away completely. I have my special grieving days on birthdays and anniversarys. All I can say is time is a great healer. It just takes time. Senior chatters is good and I wonder is there a senior citizen organisation where you are, they are also very good to join. Lots of hugs to you Kapla.
Sorry you are having difficulty dealing with the changes in your life following the passing of your dear wife, Kapla – as stated by previous posts – it takes time – and its not easy. Have you looked for Bereavement Support Groups in your area? If not, perhaps your GP can provide some information. I think if you could find that kind of opportunity to share your grief and hear of other’s experience and how they cope it might be helpful to you. Also, there are many on here at SC who I feel sure can share their experience of losing partners which may help. There is light at the end of the tunnel – just take one step at a time towards it….but still hold onto the memories that are dear to you.
All the best.
kapla, I am in sympathy and I understand your pain. I don’t think I can say anything that will help. I remember the saying “time heals all wounds” but then I wondered how much time. Coping strategies are distraction. Is there anything that you love to do. I went to Europe and took a vacation from my pain. Support groups do help and this site has many groups. I think there is a group for bereavement. It is sad that life has an upside and a downside. You were blessed to have 46 great years and now it is pay back time. It does not dimish your pain, but maybe you can feel blessed to have 46 great years. I lost a love once then in about 10 years I realized I was almost over it, 35 years, I am over it. On the outside life went on and no one knew that I was having a problem. Maybe, I should have gotten into a support group and I would have done better. I think you need a therapist and medication to get over the roughest part. I could have used it on those nights when I could not sleep. I wish you a recovery and my sympathy is with you.