Life is made of unwanted turns

I was speaking with a friend recently, who had sadly lost their spouse due to a most cruel disease, this happening at a relatively young age. My friend decided then that the rest of life would be one of solitude, as no one could replace the spouse.
With this i do agree, but must disagree that solitude is the answer; I do not believe that anyone who has suffered great loss should ever expect to replace that loss, it would be quite unfair to all involved, my meaning that Love does have a strange way of happening at the oddest moments, and to love, perhaps marry again does not mean a lessor love of the one lost, and to compare, even, seems most unfair to both of the couple now involvedeven perhaps to the memory one the one lost.
It does not serve a former spouse taken away so cruely to commit oneself to solitude, and in that they loved you as much as you did they, surely their wish would be your happiness. Falling in love again is just that, it does not at all involve the replacement of the first love, in fact is almost demeaning, as it does imply that the first can be replaced.
So i say to my friend please live, both in joy of the present, and gratitude for the past.
Just the silly ramblings of a romantic man.

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Published in Senior Chatters


  1. jojo

    I entirely agree with you Rick.

    The same principle applies to close friendships. I lost both my best friends who died at a very young age, and while I know I will miss them for the rest of my life, I have made new, wonderful friendships. No one can replace the love and long history I had with Rosie and Elia, I know I will miss them for the rest of my life, but neither of them would’ve wanted me to close myself off from new friends and deny myself the joy of friendships.

    I hope your friend finds love soon. I’m sure this is what his late wife would’ve wished – to see him happy and loved.

  2. morvenna

    Rick…… well put….nothing wrong with romance….I am a great…solitude is not the way….so sad….life has taken bad turns for me too…and no doubt for countless others…but hey I am not the centre of the universe..I know people who have re- married or formed new relationships…the one that did not work was the one where comparisons were made….wrong turn. How can we compare people to each other…we are all unique…many faceted…facinating…one offs. So sad about your friend….


  3. foreveryoung2

    If you have had a great love you have been very fortunate – don’t lock yourself away, rejoice in this fact. Not all of us have been so fortunate. Don’t demean that love by becoming a recluse – live for that love, rejoice in it, and be open to new different relationships.

    1. ancientmariner

      Recently lost a spouse of 40 years and subsequently a new and wonderfully talented friend with whom I was (am) still very much in love.Am finding it very difficult to let go and move on, though that is what she apparently would want me to do. Our capacity as humans to remember, only serves to prolong the process. Any suggestions?

  4. cag

    Very sad for your friend rick. No one can possibly know just how dreadfull it actually is when a loved spouse dies. Not until you are in that position yourself, do you realize the enormity of it, or the dreadfull grief that goes on day after day , month after month. You just want to be where they are, with them. Yep, that crosses your mind too, but it will get better. You can,t believe it when people assure you of that, but it will. It won,t totally go away , and it can kick the feet out from under you again, when you least expect it. It,s amazing too the different circles of people ,starting with your family, and going out in wider rings, who are supporting you with big hugs ,comfort quiet friendship and strength. Just be there for him