Lady Jessieca, Sir Alan, Sir Incensed and Jim.
Tis with quivering quill I write Sir Alan, you did surmise correctly, Sir Incensed was not placated in the least by your explanation of our trysts, Indeed it only served to bring him one step closer to an attack of Apoplexy, the balming fluid was the last straw, he informed me that Fiery Jack would have been more than adequate ( ouch ) to reduce the swelling, this I find hard to believe as you have always assured me that my own fair hand is the only remedy for the said swelling. The new boy Jim is discretion itself, even so, your squire John was a likeable rogue, but not to be trusted, always was a sucker for a buxom wench.
Sir Incensed has had the new bed delivered safely to me, but alas Sir tis not the same,i kinda got used to the sound that the clanking of the armour made when the bed shook In the throes of our passion, and one must concede Sir, it did somewhat drown out the explicative’s that escaped from my own sweet mouth at the point of no return. The three hundred notches on the bed post had been no mean feat to carve either, all within the space of two weeks. The Chantily lace undergarments that were crafted by my seamstress were a welcome relief from the rough hopsack ones that had been provided for me, these have now been passed onto Esmeralda, they will soon kill any passion that the lusty wench has, but it is with great discomfort that I have to inform you that the chastity belt you so deftly removed with a tin opener has now been replaced with the latest model, a new slimline shiney chrome one, but Sir it does chaff. The key to this belt is hidden in a box in which lies a poisonous asp, this box is behind a secret panel in Sir Incensed bed chamber, entry can be gained by the pressing of a knob which is located within the confines of the bed linen, once entry has been gained you will whereupon a Labyrinth of tunnels, Sir, I do not know which of these tunnels holds the box, Sir Alan I must beseech thee to approach with great care and caution, as each tunnel is guarded with a fire spewing dragon, Lady Jessica asks a lot of you , this seems one hell of a effort to go to just so that she may apply the healing balm. Your Chaffing Lady Jessica.
LOL,….what are you like?,xxxx
My Lady tis no more than I anticipated or expected from your father. Trust me faint heart never won fair maiden and your rewards are rightly to be set at such a high and demanding rate. I will need to procure some vital equipment to ensure your release and now go on a journey via Essex and the West country to find these and bring you to release. My Lady I will return and I will free you into my arms and safety at last! My Lady Jessica no dragon, asp or buxom wench called Esmeralda shall deter me. My dander is up and will not rest till you are freed!
Your adoring knight Sir Alan xx
Oh heck he is coming to Essex!! My Castle is in Essex!!! ……… ‘pokes tongue out at flower’ hehehehe… Now to devise a cunning trap for Sir Alan….. lol xxxx
lol yes shall be passing through the county of Essex this week ..shall be on the lookout for traps and pitfalls from Essex maidens in distress! Have no fear Lady Jessica will be wearing extra protection when travelling through that county! lol xx
oh so the Knight thinks he can survive Essex traps…. now where did I put my white stilettos!! I have lookouts posted around the Castle precincts…. Beware Sir Knight you don’t want to mess with a Maiden who lives here lol xxx
lol by my recall Essex is a big county and so though you may seek me you may not find me! Also with you in white slingbacks thing I might hear your tell-tale approach by the clacking of your heels on the bridlepath! lol xx
You crease me you do…….lol lol Essex is it this week.xx
“Are you sure that is all he does”!!!,LOL,xxxx
No flowersun,, my Sir Alan is capable of sooooooo much more than decreasing me……..but only I will ever know the full force and power of his weapon……..eat you heart out Sun….lol xx
Why thank you Lady Jessica..your delights are beyond compare and none hold a candle to thee! xxx
Fear not LadyJ Essex is creasefree and ready to assist the Knight in anyway is needed lol lol xxxx
My Lady Jessica it is only to ensure I am well prepared to undertake my release of you that I travel to Essex and beyond into the west country lol Will be sure to iron out any creases/wrinkles that may occur upon my return to free you lol xx
Roseanne!!!!!,Sir Gilbert is missing!!!!,and Lady Jessica is trying to be serious here,…..Where the H.n.y are you????????????????????????.can’t you see Sir Alan ,needs a helping hand?????LOL,xxx
flower give me a break! I went out for lunch got home to find Sir Alan is in Rosie Kingdom of Essex!!!! A helping hand he will have …… 😉 😉 😉 Oh I promise thee a helping hand or 2 awaits this Knight!!… Sir Gilbert was last heard snoring his way through a late luncheon at Ye Olde Forresters Inn…. he told the barkeep that he was suffering from an overdose of (flower)sun…. lol xxxx
LOL,Roseanne,hope you enjoyed your lucheon.xxxx
Don’t be too helping with the hand Rosie….lol x
I am always helpful star 😉 tis my duty to help any gallant Knights who enter my realm …… its a tough job but *sighs* someone has to do it! xxx
Romps and high jinxing mid the flowers of Essex yet! Wonder what the lovely Lady J makes of all this??? Her chastity belt would not only be uncomfortable but damned awkward for all sorts of reasons…lol…. Do the knightly (or it it nightly??) thing Sir Alan and keep on keeping on…as you say, the rewards are great!!
Oh heck Lina…….I hope he makes haste……..damn chaffing this belt..lol
Starman one does not clatter on paths! One rides ones horse through the pathways, my Kingdom covers the whole of Essex 🙂 So behind every tree, every pub and every service station keep looking lol xxx
Flower has been quiet these past few days,waiting for news of Lady Jessica’s rescue,…..where art though Sir Alan,have thou got lost in Essex,or has thou love for Lady J,faded?…..i have also heard through the grapevine,that ROSEANNE!,YES ROSEANNE!,secretly has taken fancy to Sir Alan,…….now wether this is true or just gossip,i have no idea,….but i can also reveal that ROSEANNE,was last seen running upstairs,with 2 glasses or rum in one hand,and a glove on the other??.
Why Flowersun.!!…..gossip on this site………what a shocking suggestion………….yet again you try to put doubts within my head of the intentions of my Sir Alan…………….ladies of the land far and wide have tried and failed to win Sir Alan from me…( it aint gonna happen )… is it Alan ? Flowersun, rest assured, the glove that the wench Roseanne has donned is for her own personal use ( damned piles again ) so flowersun ,I leave you to continue in your evil quest of causing mischief between myself and Sir Alan……..the mischief is already well underway………didn’t need your help ……….Sir Alan fights on to free his Lady Jessica……..all will be well.
Lady Jessica,….we must wait to hear from Sir Alan,and ROSEANNE!,to put these gossip mongers straight,……i would never put doudt into your head,….you and you alone,know the power of Sir Alans love for you,…(pardon me but he dont seem in a hurry to rescue thee)……but i will give you benefit of my doudt,and will shut thee mouth!!,.LOL.xx
hahahahha,you naughty girl!!!.
Don’t you know he’s in Essex……he has to work you know to buy this Chantilly lace for my undies…………tut tut.x
Flower as if! Moi the sweet innocent ever so helpful Roseanne!! I am shocked and distressed mightily over your assumptions… Mind you I will admit that the gallant knight is safe and well and secreted whilst he sharpens his weapon and his steed is grazing happily on the meadow that encompasses my white tower 🙂 Have no fear Flower the glove that was a source of such gossip was simply a mistake…. I was actually carrying a small white shawl as the Knight was suffering from a minor case of man flu and I wouldst warm him, just to keep him safe!! 😉 You little troublemaker you I have told Sir Gilbert and he is the cause of the gossip twas jealousy that I provided a shawl but you didnt offer him one lol xxxxx
star of course Sir Alan needs to earn the money to purchase the finest Chantilly Lace for you, and I am providing him with the work to attain such riches….. Sir Alan is most definately in Essex and working hard….. well he will be once his man flu has eased poor love he does suffer so, the physician, Dr Knowsitall, has prescribed care, attention, warmth, comfort and a helping hand when one is required, which I assure you is being provided 😉 lol xxxxx
Oh and the Rum was merely to warm said distressed knight :):):) lol xxxx
Roseanne!…twas not my assumption,i heard these rumours through the grapevine,i would never ever have thought that of you,…..i know you are a woman of high moral conduct,….i’m pleased to hear that Sir Alan is safe,and his “weapon”! is as sharp as it has ever been!,and that his stallion is out yonder,grazing in the meadow,where the buttercups grow,…….well i will say no more Roseanne,and bid you a good evening…..LOL,xx
Flower now we know what grapevines are like, they get all twisted and knotted. I thank you for your understanding of my high moral conduct, which in these stilettos is no easy feat trust me lol xxxx
ahhaahaahahahhaha,rofl.xxxx
Well i bid you all a good night,and look forward to more gossip tomorrow,…..i mean more news of Sir Alan’s journey in rescueing the Lady Jessica.ps can i ask iff he knows where your where about’s are Lady J?.
How’s your chaffing going Lady J???? Methinks your knight is tarrying far too long mid the flowers of Essex..perhaps it might be a good idea if you found the damn key yourself??? Just a suggestion….you’ll end up with a red, possibly rusted, “constitution”….xxxx
Methinks you could be right here lina……….Nah !!! not my Sir Alan…………now lets get something straight here ladies………..Sir Alan is on his way to rescue me as we speak……….Joe told me…………..Roseanne thinks she can lure him away from me……….but her mound is not as soft as mine…………her bosom does not rise and fall as mine does………she has no knowledge of the language of the tongues……………these are the goodies that keep Sir Alan with me……….so alas Roseanne……..you ain’t got a prayer.
The English Rose lady jessica will have to look to her laurels, this day, the fair maid from the antipodies has only recently ridden into Essex in her Cob and co. coach and four equines and her trusty coachman, with her chaperone lady Cheryl,……. lady Alexia is the beautious ladies name ,….. searching for a galant knight to sweep her off her feet, Antipodean boosoms are like such as no English rose has seen before…….and as for that, neither has been seen by any galant knight as yet…..Lady Alexia will arrive in the County of Essex at any time now ……
I have a rival for my Sir Alan’s affections !!!……….over this I will not lose any of my beauty sleep……..I rest safely in the knowledge that my Sirs heart belongs to me, and me only…………Lady Alexia would do well to retreat back from wence she came, the antipodies, with her chaperone, equines and coachmen in tow………her journey has been a wasted one……as she will discover when my Sir Alan returns….
My Lady Jessica, indeed I have made it back from the land of Towie with much to tell! I see that the grapevine has been jangling in my absence and as I fear’d much has been made of my enforced departure from your side. I have much to tell of the Lady Roseanne and what took part on this latest stage of my quest for the fair lady Jessica! Fear not my lady, what the others may say, I am true to thee and thee alone. You call it very right about your soft mound, heaving bosom and delights of the tongue…oh be still my beating heart! Your loyal and true knight Sir Alan xxx
Sir Allen – thee leave behind the sadly beating hearts of the maids (perhaps no more) of Essex!!! Twas a time of frolicks and romps perhaps – but the Lady J has been awaiting thee – her chastity belt is most uncomfortable and requires thy attention – make haste sir knight and good luck in explaining away those scratches on thy back, and those nips on thy neck!!!
Lol why Lina you know the scratches were caused by the bramble bushes ! As for your talk of nips…I thought I had already made it clear in another tale whose hold attraction for me! lol Sir Alan x
Hang on a minute here……scratches, bramble bushes ???