Just Sharing
I am not a particularly conversive person and have always had issues with sharing thoughts and feelings. I am writing this not expecting anyone to actually reads it, but using it as a vessel to try and express how I am feeling.
I lost my wife 6 months ago and have been on a sort of auto-pilot ever since. All of the dreams and ideas that the two of us shared seem to have vanished. Doing the things we enjoyed together aren’t as enjoyable today. Life has become a cycle of waking up, making it through the day, then going to bed, only to repeat day to day. She had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer around 4 years ago, and through the treatments she received, we were given more time than expected. During this time, we put together a little woodworking shop and she absolutely loved creating holiday decor. I haven’t been able to get back into the shop since October, but know that I need to.
I sold the car that she wanted me to keep and bought a Jeep for new adventures. I haven’t taken any yet. It doesn’t seem right without her. Life doesn’t as meaningful without her to share it with. I think that’s the biggest issue I’m facing. How do you move on without your partner?
Replacing her is impossible. I know that. But is it possible to find someone new to go on adventures with, without feeling guilty and “traitorous”? I hope so, because I miss it. I miss having the emotional and physical contacts with someone. I miss feeling needed. I miss so much but not sure if I will ever have it again.
Well, I shared what I wanted. If you did read, I thank you. I know I am not the only one that feels the way I do.
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I’ve spent lots of much more regular quality one to one time with my Dad since Mum passed a while ago and I’m absolutely 100% sure he feels exactly the same way you have described.
@Griff I am so sorry for your loss. Take it one day at a time. Coming here was a good step forward. This is a very nice group. Take care.
Yes my Mum expressed many similar thoughts and feelings, when she lost my Dad. Losing the shared memories broke her heart. All the stuff big and small that only they lived through together. Its very early days for you, she tells me it does get easier. And she no longer feels guilty when she enjoys life. Reporting that she owes it to him to value the life he would have loved to live. I hope sharing on the site gives you some consolation. Also some distraction and a few laughs.
Hi Griff, I feel very sad for you, I don’t think you get over the loss of a partner, but you get used to it and start making a different life for yourself. There are lots of adventures available for singletons. Maybe start with a singles over 50s cruise. Be kind to yourself and don’t feel guilty. Maybe do some volunteering to help feel the need to be needed again. Try not to fall into another relationship to quickly, be sure its right first.
Take care xx
I read it Griff and of course it resonates with anyone who has ever lost someone they loved. It’s all so new and raw for you, for me 18yrs on 29th April when of course all the memories focus again. However I know tpyou don’t believe it now but you will go fwd, it will never be better as such but different. You will make new memories, new friends that doesnt mean you have forgotten your wife and your love but rather because you will realise that’s what she wants for you. I wish you every happiness for the future, believe me you will feel happy again. Good luck
Hi Griff, only just read your blog. I was moved.
I’m not an expert on the matter of grief but I’d hazard a guess that you are ‘half way there’ by being able to speak openly about what’s on your mind. That has to be a good thing.
I don’t know if this will help but I hope so.
You said you feel guilt for going on. I don’t think you should – that is only my opinion – but I’ll say why.
If you can imagine for a moment that the positions had been reversed, you had been the one to leave us and she had remained. What would YOU have wished for her?
I’d guess you would have wanted her to remember you and all the good and bad things you had shared in your life. Those are facts, memories that cannot be lost or undone. But I’d suspect you would have liked her to get on with her life, make the best of the sad situation. You are obviously a caring feeling person. I’m sure you would have wanted the best for her going forward – whatever that may be.
Isn’t it possible, in fact probably, she would have wanted the same for you?
I’m sorry if I have overstepped the mark. The intention was good. I hope things come right for you. Take care.