I Can’t Forget

It was November 1998. . . a large envelope was delivered. . . I knew what it was . . . I opened the envelope and I was holding my divorce papers; it was final.  I thought I would feel relief, but I felt lost and alone. I married him when I was only seventeen years old; that life was all I knew.  I had never been completely on my own, and now I had full custody of my thirteen year old daughter.  I was scared I wouldn’t be able to provide for her needs and give my EX-husband a reason to take her away from me.

The phone rang, “Hello,”  I said, the voice on the other end said, “Hi! I was just thinking about you and thought I would call.  How are you today?”  I told him I was holding my divorce papers in my hands and instead of feeling happy I was feeling lost.”  He told me he understood because he had also been divorced a few years back.  He asked me if I would like him to come over so I didn’t have to be alone.  I told him that would be nice.  We hung up the phones and a few minutes later I heard a knock at the door.  I opened the door and looked into his eyes.  He had the biggest, most soulful eyes I had ever seen.  He came in and kept me company.  The minute I met him he made me feel at peace.

That was the beginning of a new chapter in my life.  I found out his Father had died and he left Los Angles to come and take care of his mom and his mentally disabled sister.  He got caught driving his car without tags and they towed his car away.  He wasn’t able to pay the fine so his friend gave him a bike to ride to work.  He was an electronic technician and was finding it hard to get a job in the California Valley.  You really didn’t have much of choice; you either farmed or worked at the olive plant. He was working two jobs at Taco Bell  in the afternoon, and McDonald’s at night. His mother died a few months before he met me.  He had full custody of his sister who was two years older than him.  The state convinced him they could take care of his sister better than he could.  That became a huge regret for him and she ended up dying from an infection.  He quit the job at Taco Bell because since his mom and sister were gone there was no need to keep both jobs.

He didn’t live far from me so I offered to drive him to work and pick him up from work which was at 2:00 AM in the morning.  That was fine for me I was a night owl and a full time college student.  I took him to work and did my studies while he was at his job and pick him up when his work was over.  I would drive him to his home and he would take care of his dogs and ride his bike over to my place. 

My mother suddenly began to act like she cared and asked if I was seeing anyone. . . apparently my life story was being gossiped about.  I told her I had met someone.  She asked me what he did for a living.  I told her he worked at McDonald’s at night and rode a bicycle to work.  She was silent for a moment and then I heard, “Oh Joy!!!”  She sounded like I was a disappointment to her.  I let her believe I was seeing a teenager and hung up the phone.

I suppose our lives were interesting to a lot of people.  Norman was telling me that he saw his best friend’s mother in a store and she asked him, “Who’s the girl?”  Norman didn’t know why she asking that.  She said, “Your losing weight and you look good.”  He smiled. . . I wish I had seen his  expression.  He told her about me.

One night I drove him to work and I noticed how he walked slowly into the building with head looking down. He reminded of a wounded animal; the same night when I picked him up I was watching through the windows of McDonald’s as he was doing all the work and mopping the floor.  I saw three women sitting around talking and watching Norman like they were better than him.  It made me mad, when Norman got into the car I asked him about it and was told they weren’t pleasant to work with.  Eventually I trusted him and began to let drive my car.  I was scared to because I thought my first husband would get mad.  I began to ask myself why I was scared.  The car belonged to me now. 

That was how we met and we began to have wonderful nights together, he made me feel like no one had ever made me feel.  When the weekends came we spent the whole time in bed together and never took the time to even eat.  We were laying in bed and talking. . .just talking about anything. . . often crazy things that just came into my mind.   He would listen intently and would tell me what he thought and how he felt.  I had never had that ever in my life except for my Grandmother, she had died just days before I met Norman; I was having a hard time getting over her death.

Norman began talking to me and I was looking into his eyes and something happened. . . those eyes. . . I could see it in his eyes. . . he would do anything in the world for me.  I don’t know what I did to deserve meeting him.  I felt like I had fallen in love for the first time. . . no one ever made me feel the way he did.
We found a little house and moved in together with my youngest daughter, and it was just a few blocks away from her school. As much as I loved him I told him I would never get married again and be controlled by a man.  We were together for a year and I began feeling guilty about living with someone and not being married.  I began to tell him how I felt, the guilt grew and I began thinking that if my Dad were alive he would be disappointed at my behavior, and one day I just blurted out I can’t do this!

Norman looked confused.   I told him I had to make things right.  Norman’s eyes lit up and he slapped one hand against his forehead and told me he was so sorry and sometimes he needed to be hit with a hammer in the head to get his attention, then he got a serious look in his eyes and told me he wasn’t divorced from his wife.  I felt like I had been hit by a truck.  He told me he would file divorce papers.  That was an ordeal because he wanted no contact with her, she was a cocaine addict and she would get abusive when she ran out and she began spending all his money to pay for that habit.  I tried be patient but I silently I was mad that he didn’t tell me that earlier. . . his response was, “You told me you never wanted to get married so I didn’t think I would need to get the divorce.”  He was right that was indeed what I told him.

He had to put an add in the paper about divorcing his wife in papers that she would have access to; several months later he finally got his divorce papers.  I was having some issues with my health because my first husband kept harassing me about having to pay child support.  I told him didn’t want spousal support even though I was allowed to get it because I didn’t want to feel like I owed him anything.  I even agreed for the amount of child support to be cut in half and paid in two monthly payments.  Everyone at his job told him he was getting off easy.  

I was beginning to get dizzy and would pass out usually at college because being a full time college student meant I was there all day.  I went to my doctor and learned I was extremely stressed and for some reason my potassium levels were extremely low.  My first husband was to not have any contact with me and everything calmed down for a few months.  One day I heard a knock on the door and Norman’s dog was going crazy.  It was my ex-husband and I told him I was not suppose to get agitated – doctors orders.
He was yelling about having to pay child support and wanted to know when I would get a job.  I told him it was none of his business and told him to leave; as he left he kicked Norman’s dog.  Norman was furious when I told him.

I was having a hard time getting my medicine because I was getting it through the state.  It was frustrating and when Saturday came he told me to pack what I needed we are going to Vegas and we are going to get married.  So off we went with his best friend and his latest girlfriend as witnesses.  I had an account at a jewelry store and bought his ring, but mine would take a while to get sized so I had no ring.  I did have a ring that I traded with my sister for my old wedding ring.  We used that.  It was a long drive to Vegas.  We got in line and filled out the paper work.  We had to sit and wait so Jessie, that’s Norman’s friend went off to play some slots and said he would be back.  We got called and Jessie wasn’t back. . . so it was just Norman and me and the judge.  We said our vows. . . as Norman said his I looked into those big brown eyes and saw tears.  He told me he liked that it was just us without Jesse.

The ride back home was a long one and I had to be back at school on Monday.  We dropped Jesse off and headed home.  We walked through the door and he grabbed me and said, “Come here wifey,” and he gave me the biggest hug and kissed me.  It was a wonderful night.  The next day I was at school and my History class was the last one of the day, another student that I had made friends with asked how my weekend was. . . I told her I got married.  She was so excited for me. . . then class started.  The teacher was giving a lecture and I began to nod off. . . my eyes closed. . . I was awakened because I notice it was quiet. . . I jumped back awake and looked at my teacher standing in front pointing his finger at me.  I was so embarrassed.

The other student told him to be easy on me; I had just gotten married.  He asked, “Why did you do that?”  I told him my boyfriend just grabbed me and took to Vegas and we got married, and he even cried when he said his vows.  The teacher replied, “I would cry too if I got married.”  I laughed. . . he was just having fun with me and congratulated me after class.  Later in the week in my English class I looked up and saw Norman coming into the class and he held a velvet box in his hand.  He opened it up and put it on my finger.  It was the happiest moment of my life and every one just smiled and congratulated us.  Norman apologize for interrupting the class.  He said he got a call that my ring was ready and he didn’t want to make me wait any longer to have it.  My teacher didn’t mind.

Everyone in my classes new about us and they treated us like long lost soulmates in a fairy tale.  Norman made my life complete and I felt like I could do anything when I was with him.  He had read up about my Bipolar Disorder and over the year when I would have an episode he knew just how to calm me down or lift me up depending on which part of the roller-coaster ride I was on.  My daughters began having children; Norman had none, he inherited grandchildren who he adored.  Our grandchildren love him and thought he was just the greatest grandpa ever.  They loved him even more than than they cared about my EX. . . their other grandpa.  We adopted a Neapolitan Mastiff and we began our new life together as a family legitimately married. My life was wonderful.

I could write a huge book about that man.  I never get tired of talking about him or remembering him; that ended the morning of September 3, 2017 on labor day.  I woke up and nudged him because Whiplash, our male Schnauzer was trying to get his attention to go outside. I turned over to nudge him and something didn’t feel right and jumped up and shook him and he wouldn’t wake up. . . I began screaming for someone to call 911.  I feel like my life ended that day; when he died I think he took my heart with him.

I am comforted by the fact that he didn’t suffer.  It hurts because I never got to tell him good-bye.  We never argued. . . we talked all the time.  He would always hug me and call me “Snookie Bear” which I hated but gave into that one because at first it was “Pookie Bear” like in Garfield.  I told him I didn’t want other people to hear that.  I would give anything to hear him call me either of those names now.  He knew how much I loved him and I tried to come to terms with that.  He left behind many grandchildren and one great grandson.  I wonder if he had any idea how much he was love by so many people.  That quiet little man changed and walked with his head held high. He earned the respect of so many people.  They all still talk about him.  He has two great grandsons named after him.

I will continue talking about his life and the man he was. . . and our granddaughter told me when her son grows up she is going to tell him how he got his name and everything she knows about her grandpa Normie so her son will know his grandfather.  I never thought I would be without him and so thankful we never fought.  I have so many memories. . . good memories. . . I often tell people to leave a conversation like it might be your last. . . because it very well could be. It has happened to me four times in my lifetime. I will continue to tell his story and he will not be allow to die and be forgotten.  

I wrote a poem about him  and shared it at college in my writers group.  One student told me he would pay money for that poem.  I loved hearing that:

Soulmates
Seduction begins beneath sultry breath
The scent of her skin. . . he can’t resist
Blue-grey eyes like a summer storm
Challenging the darker ones

The darkness of death and rebirth too
A passion they shared could not be killed
Unforgotten memories led them here
Entwined in passion they both once knew

If separated by fates merciless ways
My search for you will never end
Leading us here to touch again
Beneath the glow of the pale moonlight.

  © Joy Elaine in memory of Norman Franklin Higgs III ~ August 2000