I came Back to HAUNT!

Yep! It’s true, all true! I came back here just to haunt ya! See what thriving Ol’ Rascals is up and about! Just as I suspected, the same ol’ HOOTS! Good for ya! Givin’ them the DICKENS!
Last time I spent so much doggone time on here was because I hurt me leg and back and I was laid up for about seven months or so! And then…..I got better! Sure did! Got off the crutches finally and spent the entire year building anything I could get my gnarly hands on! I even build another 12 X 12 workshop, one that can be completely disassembled, unbolted/unscrewed and hauled off in about a days time. Whole dad gum under structure, floor walls, rafters and roof! Walls are made of 4X7′ sections bolted together and lag bolted to the floor! Some of my ancestors must have been Tent Makers! Or Gypsies, or Nomads! Same bunch who invented t.v. dinners!
Well guess what! 🙁 Yep, you guessed it, I did it again! Goshalmighty! My next door neighbor, 75, Dale had open heart surgery a few years ago. So one day not long ago the chap decides that he’s going to “dig up” a garden, 88 deg. F. in the hot sun, leaning over the fence he tells me this! So being the kind and generous, thoughtful neighbor…..(wow that sounds good!)…..I toted my tiller over to his back yard and in fifteen minutes finished what it would have taken all day long to churn up that ground! Only one problem…..the darned tiller hit a four inch root, jumped up and out of the ground and headed towards his, already planted, tomato plants! So Jim Dandy to the Rescue here over compensates by pulling the opposite direction, and…..Oh dear Lord, my Aching Back/Leg! Mother of Mercy! I’m back to waddling like a DUCK!
But OH, it doesn’t end THERE! Oh no! Limping around the back yard, walking backwards, I tripped over my Lawnmower! Was going down backwards and once again, overcompensated and twisted my body to catch myself before the final crash! My head barely missed a hunk of steel that would’ve knocked what dad blasted little sense left me that God gave Grapefruit!!!
Now I look like the Energizer Bunny with a Peg Leg! I layed around in bed for Two Weeks trying to give it a rest! I think my wife tried to POISON ME!
So I’m going to the Cairo Cracker first and then getting a deep massage by some good looking female therapist with arms on her like POPEYE! I think she’s got a tattoo of a battle ship on her chest! When she flexes her chest muscles the front twin turret turns and fires! Amazing! She doesn’t believe me when I tell her “that’s what I’m looking at, really!” Then she gets ATTITUDE! Now she’s got a REASON! So she flings me down on the table like a lump of Bread Dough, and kneads me, Oh Lord, does she Knead me! The only thing my poor body CAN’T DO when she is finished is RISE!!! They have to remove me from the cot with a Spatchelor! Drag my sore carcass to the door, turn me upside down and shake every cent I own out of my POCKET! Then as I look like some cookie batter poured out on the floor the front desk receptionist looks down at me and says, “Are we feeling better today Mr. P?”