How To Write a Profile That Will Attract Only the Best Friends

1. I enjoy meeting new people as long as they keep quiet and let me talk about myself.
2. Laughter is an awful thing. We should be serious at all times and solemn is even better. Mona Lisa never fully smiled and look how famous she became?
3. Hate learning new things. Let's rehash old stuff until our eye sockets get all recessed and stuff.
4. I enjoy meeting people who own their own egg timers. Never know when you might spot a wild egg that isn't yet hard boiled.
5. Don't say inspiring stuff to me. I dig sloths.
6. I love to travel... out to the mailbox to fetch the mail and back. Sometimes even daily.
7. Meeting people with similar interests has frequently given me inexplicable rashes on my elbows.
8. Most people think I'm usually right, but they're wrong. I'm always right.
9. If you ever feel the urge to message me about something exciting in your life, add the phrase "with a monkey who has distemper" to the end of each sentence.
10. My only hobby is collecting giraffe wings. Most people think giraffes don't have wings, but that's only because I collected them all.

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Published in Senior Friends


    1. Linda

      merryjay…you forgot to add “with a monkey who has distemper” with a monkey who has distemper (that second one was my with a monkey who has distemper addition).

    2. chalkoutline Post author

      I’m so sorry to hear you had a bad week, Merryjay. If my silly blog post helped in any way then I’m thrilled to hear it, and so is the monkey.

  1. PollyPie

    Hey Chalky, I really liked your blog, with a monkey who has distemper. But I wont bore you with what I like, with a monkey who has distemper. Dont know if you know this, but Mona never smiled cos she didnt have an egg timer, and all the hard hard boiled eggs she ate, made her constipated, with a monkey who has distemper. Anyhooo, enough about my thoughts, youve probably turned to another page by now, so all there is left to say is, with a monkey who has distemper.

    1. chalkoutline Post author

      Great job PollyPie… I’m certain your quest for the perfect egg timer will result in some very envious hard-boiled egg makers from whence you hail… lol

  2. macathy

    With a monkey who has distemper,…..with a Monkey who has distemper ,….with a monkey who has distemper ,….with a monkey who has distemper,…….. from a sloth

    1. chalkoutline Post author

      What is there left to say? I suggest memorizing this post exactly as it appears and repeating it to the waiter the next time you’re in a restaurant. 🙂

    1. chalkoutline Post author

      If my post made you think KayBee, then I’ve failed miserably. Unthinking is better than thinking 🙂 Just ask any ungenius and they’ll deny it. That should be proof enough.

  3. oldbull

    Chalk, What godsend your blog has been, wamwhd. i’ve sat here for months waiting in vain for the PMs that never come wamwhd, the invites to be friends, wamwhd, the scintillating repartee of PC, wamwhd. Oh it has nothing to do with your recommendations changing my life, wamwhd. Incidental to reading your blog I noticed I have everybody blocked and have had Chat(Offline) turned on for the past seven months; like duh wamwhd. Now I am afraid to unblock or become available for chat for fear nobody will give a s**t, wamwhd. I’m posting my solution to this personal dilemma in Jokes, Wamwhd to ya pal…. Your Unfriend OB (wamwhd)

    1. chalkoutline Post author

      OB, you’ve outdone yourself my good man! A tip of the hat to ye, and best wishes in your future endeavors to set the bar just a tad bit higher with regard to the types of friends with which you acquaint yourself. 🙂

      1. oldbull

        I’m thinking of limiting my types to only those who look really good at last call; makes for a broad field, don’t you think? (God I hope my SC friends have a forgiving sense of humor.)