How to Manage Loneliness .
How to manage loneliness
BY
Cynthia Hickman
Don’t fear loneliness – it’s a chance to discover your real identity.
There’s an upside to being lonely. Find out how you can learn more about yourself when you’re alone in seven easy steps.
1)-Who am I?
Loneliness isn’t bad; it is just an intense experience of the self, so don’t run away from it. It takes courage but facing loneliness can be the beginning of an inquiry into life. You stop living on automatic and ask: who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Loneliness becomes solitude.
2)-Be your own best company.
It is not as shameful to be alone as our extroverted culture might suggest. And we can be lonely even when surrounded by others. It’s not whether we have other people in our lives; it’s whether we are with ourselves in life. We have to learn how to be our own best company.
3) – Triggers .
Work out what triggers your loneliness. Perhaps you have social anxiety that inhibits your connection with others. Perhaps you are going through some life transition such as a divorce, or dealing with grief. Loneliness is just a symptom – to deal with it you have to know what causes it.
4). Show interest.
Be genuinely interested in others. Too often we grasp onto people to avoid feelings we don’t like, such as emptiness, and this neediness pushes people away. Don’t use people – they are not there to meet your needs. Meet your own needs and then people are just the icing on the cake.
5). Intimacy .
Are you lonely because you fear intimacy? Perhaps you fear being vulnerable because you are afraid of being judged or rejected. You want love but fear what it demands of you. So you stay lonely. You have to be prepared to share yourself. You have to take the risk. Don’t let fear hold you back.
6). Be yourself
Some people don’t feel they exist when they are alone; there is an emptiness at the centre of their being. This loneliness is actually anxiety. Develop a better sense of self based on who you really are, not who you are to others. Be the source of your own identity.
7). Find the love
There is a deep connection among all of humanity – love. Some of us have just forgotten this. The part of us that already knows this is called the soul. If you are lonely, you have unplugged from this source. Access this through your own heart and it will end the pain of loneliness.
I came across this article and thought it may be of interest to some of us here …
Life is a dance that you begin alone and hope to find a partner to dance with you. However events in life change the tempo and often the type of partner that fits best….the secret is to know how to dance with life itself.
I like that ,” the secret to KNOW how to dance with life itself” … Well I’m ready to learn the steps and waltz myself to eternity ! Great comment thank you MHB .
But if you make friends on here because you need someone you can be different with then the people that are in your life right now, is that using people?
Maggless relationships in all basic forms are “using” you get your needs met and when two people match the meeting of their own needs its great but sometimes you only get parts of your needs met and may need input from elsewhere. I share different things with different friends as some i know will not have life experience to know where i am coming from.
I believe that everything we do , we do for a reason ,whether consciously or subconsciously the reason is usually for our own benefit .
So unless you are willfully intending to hurt others , No ,you are Not using other people .
Thanks Nmod for sharing this article that has so much wisdom and can help any and all. We are all lonely sometimes. I do believe. It is impossible to always have the ideal companion at all times.Lonliness is like food, overfilled, hungry, and then craving something that you may or may not know what would satisfy.Maybe, I am wrong and the article does help, for sure. Thank you again.
Well said Rose ,I’m pleased you find the article helpful .
Dearest Nmod , sounds like you have found the ME, how wonderful and what sage advice. thank you .xxxxx.
Thank you Lani 🙂
Dear Nmod, sounds like you have found your Me, sage advice. well done and thank you .xxxxx.
I think all of this is really good but #6 is key. We often need others to define us and when they’re not around we really don’t know who we are. This is a great opportunity for u to find out and instead of fighting the loneliness maybe seeing it as a gift.. for a time anyway. Good blog, nmod 🙂
Wise words Millie ,good input on your part …thank you 🙂
To me , the #1 speaks the loudest … We are the product of the many experiences lived and the influence of those who we encountered in our journey through life ,specially as we were growing up …family, friends , school teachers , community , specially our parents and siblings .
If we were constantly fed with negatives through out our childhood we grow up disliking ourselves , therefore many of us live on automatic gear , we can’t bear to stop or be alone with ourselves in the fear that we may not like what we see , so we keep on running from ourselves .
We could spend our whole life doing it , shopaholics..Workaholics .. Over socializing ..alcoholism
Promiscuity , drug abuse …etc … In my opinion are all ways of avoiding ourselves …there are of course many more . I’ve learnt this a long time ago . Mine was wondering around the shops , on the days I didn’t work I would go out all day from morning till evening when the family came back home .
Once I’ve decided to face myself I found out I wasn’t that bad after all ! I can now spend time in my own company , I did a lot of solo traveling which also helped with my confidence .
After saying all that ,however I believe that we are social beings ,we need to be among others .
So a bit of both will give us some balance , I guess .
Now ,that I’m comfortable with being me doesn’t mean I don’t feel lonely sometimes , specially I would love to have someone in my life with whom I could snuggle into and feel right at home 🙂
This is my opinion anyway ,and as many of know … I always have one !
Great blog nmod – ty for sharing. It took me a long time to find “Me” and, like you, I am a pretty good person, and I like who I am. I would also like someone to snuggle up to and to give me a hug when I am feeling down – that would be wonderful – let’s hope there is someone for both of us just around the corner (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) 🙂
wonderful blog nmod my friend xxx
Thank you skip xx