HOW I LEARNED THE FACTS OF LIFE – PART I

HOW I LEARNED THE FACTS OF LIFE – PART I

It isn’t often that I post things backwards, but this is one of those occasions. I had posted a blog describing how I’d become lost in the woods, ending up at a crude forester’s hut when a young girl was giving birth to her first child.

One of our members (Barbara) asked what I was doing in the woods and how come I got lost? Damn good question, and the reason I hadn’t included this information in the original blog was because it would’ve made it too long.

British communities abroad always have the same built in features into their day-to-day existence: 1) a British School; 2) British Anglican Church and 3) British Cricket Club. In Rio de Janeiro, the British School and Anglican Church share the same property and are next to each other.

There was a wealthy Brazilian family back when I was 15 years of age, who sent their three children to the British School. Even back then, they realized how important it was for their children to have English as a second language.

Now in Brazil, schools close down for Summer holidays from mid December until March 1st, because it’s just too hot for children to sit in a classroom. This particular Brazilian family were anxious that their children wouldn’t forget English for those three months holidays, so they hired me to be a companion to them, and naturally, speak English to them at all times.

They owned a ranch, up in the hills behind Rio de Janeiro, and in retrospect, I think the only reason I took on this job was because up there, the weather was considerably cooler than in Rio, and I bitterly hated the hot, oppressive and humid summer months.

This ranch was located in the boondoggles – I mean completely cut off from civilization, in the middle of a densely forested area miles and miles from any town or village. I don’t believe I was given any days off because there would’ve been nothing to do and nowhere to go, even if they had been allocated to me.

I do recall having a few hours off in the afternoons, and on one particular day, I decided to take a stroll in the forest!

Now in Brazil, we don’t get gradual sunsets as people do who live in the Northern Hemisphere. No, in Brazil, the sun sets at 6.00 pm. sharp – one minute you have daylight, and boom, the next it’s pitch dark.

I guess I lost track of time, and suddenly I found myself, in the forest, in the dark, with no idea how to get back to the ranch! Fortunately, there was a full moon that night, so I had a limited field of vision here and there through the trees.

As I said in my previous blog, getting lost in a forest in Brazil is nothing like getting lost in Sherwood Forest! There are no snakes, centipedes, poisonous spiders in Sherwood Forest, nor do they have mountain lions, jaguars, and sundry other carnivores, all on the prowl looking for a tasty meal.

And believe me, I was aware that all of the above applied to my situation. I picked up a stick and smacked the path ahead I’d be treading on, so that if there was some sort of undesirable reptile or insect lurking around, it would get the hell out of my way and I wouldn’t (God forbid) step on it. And I made loud sounds which I hoped were threatening to creatures who might be considering me that night’s yum yum dinner!

I was frankly terrified, but was also aware that if I lost my head and panicked, I’d be done for. On and on I walked for hours, getting progressively more desperate at each step. I had no idea in which direction I was walking, where I was going, or where I’d end up. Being summertime, it wasn’t cold, but I was shivering violently from sheer terror.

Every sound I heard (and there were many) represented danger to me – I recall an owl hooted, there were scurrying sounds sending prickles of fear up and down my spine. An animal of some sort (I think it was a wolf but could’ve been a coyote) howled – oh dear God, I broke out in a cold sweat.

Then I saw a dim light, on top of a mountain up ahead. At first I thought it was my imagination playing cruel tricks on me, a hallucination from a fevered brain that yearned for sanctuary and safety for the terrors of the forest that surrounded me.

Slowly and with determination, beating my stick feverishly on the ground ahead, I made my way towards this beacon of hope. As I walked up the mountain side, the light grew bigger and bigger, and then I saw up ahead, a crude forester’s hut built on the hillside, and never in my life, have I felt such an overwhelming sense of relief.

I didn’t know what dangers could be lurking in that hut, but I knew they couldn’t be as bad as the ones I’d faced for the previous hours in the dense forest.

Cautiously, I approached this hut and very slowly, I opened the door.

So Barbara, that’s how I happened to get lost in the woods and ended up in a forester’s hut, having to attend to that young woman in childbirth.

I wish to add a note to the end of this story: As I’d mentioned in my first blog about this event, I was taken home on a mule by the young father of the newly born baby girl. He got up on the mule first, then hoisted me up behind him. He had a big oil lantern which he somehow attached to the saddle, and wended his way back down the mountain side and through the forest to the ranch where I was living.

When he dropped me off and rode away, I walked into the ranch and my employer flew at me. She got in my face, screaming her head off. She was totally out of control and hysterical. For hours, she’d imagined the worst – that I’d been killed in the woods, either by a human or animal predator, and she’d have to tell my parents about my tragic demise the following day!

In retrospect, I can understand her feelings, but her tirade, coming as it did, right after the trial by fire I’d just endured, was just too much for me – I crumpled in a heap on the floor sobbing violently. My tears didn’t appease her at all or elicit any sympathy – this woman was blind with rage, and I’m sure a veil of red blood clouded her eyes! She declared me totally irresponsible, not fit to be a companion to her children, and fired me on the spot!

I didn’t argue, nor did I tell her what had happened. I simply went to my bedroom and packed my stuff.

Next morning, she’d cooled off and said she’d changed her mind, and I could stay after all. I thanked her but said no, I wanted to go home, and I did!

And that, my friends, is how I learned the facts of life, along with how not to piss off your employer and get fired!