HAPPENINGS OF LIFE

Wondering through the beautiful green meadows looking up at the sky ,the white clouds floating along as if they were little ships .My mind drifts along aimlessly taking me to one place after the other. never staying long in one place ,before it flits to another.Nothing stays there, its just a thought ,an imaginary thing but its there to entertain me as I wonder along, lost in my thoughts .

Things are just floating in and out ,nothing has been the same since I came here ..I know its a lovely place, but things just seem so different.I feel so lost and I just don,t seem to be able to get myself out of it ,I know its not good for me and everyone says
“Give yourself time”
But since I seen Ronny die, I just seem to roam around the fields now,looking for some kind of a light to bring me back to life.OHHH I just wish he was here .

Sitting on the grass enjoying the cool feeling on my legs ,as the grasses softness filters through to my mind ,I am lost in the wonder of the day and my feelings of Diaspora.
Thinking how things once were ,when Ronny and I would sit on the grass,how he would snuggle up close to me, then in his most sensuous voice ,say wonderful things like
“I love the feel of your hair as I run my fingers through it”
The wonderful feeling I would get when I heard this, was so exciting, made me just want him more.Now,, I sit in the feeling of loneliness as I wonder if life still goes on, in some form for him.

Does he think of these days ,when we sat together on the grass,ran our fingers through each others hair ,long for each other, to be there for each other at all times …is he lonely now, does he long for the feel of me, for me to touch him gently, to feel the longing
we had for each other?

Thinking of that terrible day as we walked out over that lovely green medow,the little ones frolicking in the long grass,playing hide and seek with each other.The sun was shinning and the sky a beautiful blue, just few white clouds drifting along,very much like today really,our thoughts the same enjoying the warmth of the sun and the quitness of the day.It was Ronnys voice saying
“Stay in the field”
that brought my mind back,it was a little worried I thought ,and looking up I seen the little ones running out onto the road ,Ronny running after then saying,
“Dont go there come back.”
Then it was the terrible screeching of the brakes, that made me stand still, my heart in my mouth,and then the thud of the impact .

Silence for a amoment as I couldn’t move, then that feeling one gets when you know its happened, something you dread all your life , that terrible thing you have to face up to,but dont want to, you know you must go see what it is that has happened.
Standing on the road looking down at the love of my life ,laying so quite ,his face turned to the ashfelt.I know its not good the little ones all standing on the side of the road ,in shock and disbelief at what has just happened,just looking up to where the car has disappeared around the corner.Silence then the crying starts I feel it way down inside of me creeping up
wanting out. I relise I must be strong in front of the little ones, gradually I pull myself together and start to take controll, I notice the littles all huddled around me now looking down at the lifeless figure before us .I turn and say
“Well come now we cant stay here looking at dead rabbits all day now can we”
Then we hop off to the fields to enjoy the lovely green grass of home .