Groaners

These are clever but you’ll be sick of ’em if you read ’em all and of course you will. OB

Those who jump off Paris bridges
are in Seine.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
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Shotgun wedding –
A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break
the monogamy.

A hangover is:
The wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov
ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an ‘I’ for an ‘I’.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

What’s the definition of a will?
(It’s a dead give away.)

In democracy
Your vote counts.
In feudalism
Your count votes.

She was engaged to a boy with a wooden leg
but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist will you
get repossessed?

With her marriage,
she got a new name
and a dress..

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt, if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network
In Australia –
The LAN down under.

Every calendar’s days
are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted –
taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center,
you’ve seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.