Friendship
Friendship is a very wonderful experience,something we all strive to achieve .
But what is it really ,I wonder sometimes, as it effects the very person we are.
i came to chatters for something as I was missing my very best friend ,my husband.
This is not about that ,.but the people we meet on the internet,are they friends?
Well today I wonder if its really worth all the anguish we feel ,as lets face it, they are just text on our computers.People say things in here and I see the love that is felt between people,then next text i see the hurt that has been given by just a few remarks .
Lately in chat i have been feeling that there is a lot of ill feeling going around ,cannot put my finger on what it is, but i know the friendship we all cherish is fading.I have thought of leaving but know there are some good friends on here i love.Friendship is too important to our well being to
give up so I am going to fight to keep it .
I need the feeling of a friend who is there when I need them,who will take me as I am,listen to me when I hurt,but who believes in me.I had a message today from one member,i am sorry to say felt i was not there when she needed me,didn’t listen to her when she spoke ,was very hurt i was not the friend she needed .To this friend I say I am very sorry I have failed you and will try even more to be a better friend to people on here .
So this brings me back to WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP???
To me its being there to care for you ,laugh with you .cry with you have fun with you ,but most of all accept you as you are ,your faults your failings ,what you look like ,,.nothing is too much for your friend .
I want to say to you all on here, take a little time to think about what we say ,and how we act on here ,as people do really feel hurt as much on the internet as they do face to face . Be careful how we respond to others ,think how someone else may take our remark. I want to say sorry to anyone I have hurt and sorry for not being there for anyone who needed a friend . Most of all I want us to think about friends ,how we need them but most of all how they need us . Its a two way street that sometimes goes in one direction more then the other ,but that is when we show we are really friends .It is so easy to be a friend when things are going well,its when things aren’t that it shows true friendship. Friendship is worth it and i know i want to work to keep the ones I have made,and the others on here I am yet to make ,so please give a little thought to friendship.
Mac, you are a very caring person, you do not need to say sorry to anyone. You have been there for me when I needed it, along with two others whom were there for me as well. I have seen you in chat being so kind to everyone with your caring loving nature. Lots of people love to chat with you. I hope you get something out of chatting as well as you give to chat. Take care xoxoxox
Of course I do I love chat I wouldn’t be there if I didn’t get a lot out of it.
I see people hurting a lot today so was hoping that maybe this may get us thinking, how we talk on the internet thanks gran .xxxxxxxx
This is a very interesting and is a typical reaction for social networks generally and not just for “us oldies”. The problem with social networks is that, in most cases, you are chatting with someone you have never met, your perception of them is very much through their words and very little through their actions. It is also a known problem with the internet that what you mean when you chat is often not how people read it. I have several times had a problem with this where I have been joking and this has been taken serious by others.
Another problem is that people of our age (and experience in life) are usually very wary. We normally do not accept things that we may have accepted earlier on in our youth.
If there are certain people on here that are hurting others through their actions then, imho, they should be reported to admin about this otherwise this can be seen as bullying and should not be accepted.
I have made many friends on the internet, some very good friends, but like in the real world you cannot be friends with everyone and therefore you should choose carefully who you should be friends with.
To conclude, I have found this site to be very friendly and little of the problems I have mentioned above but it is good to get this form of post as it makes us aware of what could be if we are not careful.
Endo thanks for reading my blog and your very wonderful comments of internet life .Very interesting to a new internet user who only really uses a few sites .Hope people are not getting me wrong I was just trying to get us to think a little more of others ,by things said or sometimes not said as in my place they do get hurt!
Mac, from the reaction to your blog, I think you can see that you are definitely not getting it wrong. One more comment though is there is a big difference between someone saying things that can be taken maliciously and someone not saying something. In the former, it is the problem of the person making the statement and imho they are often saying it to be in control of the conversation (and indirectly the person(s) the conversation is with). In the latter, it is a problem with the person awaiting a response in not being able to understand that other activities (such as telephone calls, visitors to the door etc.) have priority. This is the big difference between the virtual world and the real world, in the real world you have that persons attention 100% as you are sitting opposite them and if a phone goes you know that it has happened, in the virtual world this is not always possible. I try, whenever I can, that if I am in a chat room or having a private chat with someone to quickly write brb to indicate that I am occupied with something else.
That is so true endo usually something going on in the real world too, brb works. thank you
Macathy a very good post.I find this is a friendly site, however I do not use the chat room as I know people who have taken things said the wrong way.I think we should just be kind to each other and try not to hurt anyone’s feelings. x x
tania so true its a great site and by my post i am hoping to keep it that way.Come into chat i would love to see you, but in the meantime thank you for all your posts that keep this site so interesting .Thanks for reading my blog,xxxxx
Well written post, Mac. xxx
Thanks my kate xxxxxxxx and all you contributions to chat you are great xxxx
I agree with all the above ~ and remember the block option is there for a reason….I have had a couple of instances but never realised I could use that option…….next time I would!!!
Lovely lady mac keep your head high!!!! don’t let them get to you
debz
xxx
Thanks debz…….you pretty good yourself……….theyt not getting to me as you say …..just wanting to try to get us all to help one another thanks xxxxxxx
Mac, I agree with what you are saying. I too have seen it of late in chat.
Sometimes, some think they know someone so well, and make unkind comments. perhaps in jest, but in fact if it hits a sore spot for the person being teased, it becomes a tactless jab and hurt feelings insue.
Some dont think before commenting or later on try to backtrack after the damage is already done.
I have made some wonderful lifelong friends on here, people that have made a difference in my life, had me see things differently then the perspective I was seeing it, and just caring about me even though its only in words, just to know that someone cares has a great impact on my life.
There are as endo said some you just will not connect with, no matter how long you have chatted with them. That is the way of any avenue of life, whether in real time or cyber time, its just the way it is. You just have to move past those that dont add to your life in someway or you add to thiers, and move on. Its painful to do, but sometimes one has no choice.
Most people in here are wonderful, and we come here for support, friendship, and laughs. I for one enjoy chat, but do have days I prefer to leave instead of staying in uncomfortable situations. It doesnt happen often but it does happen.
I will say for the last three nites I have had a lot of trouble with chat freezing, and hope it doesnt cause ill feelings if I leave abruptly. It happened to me three times last nite alone. I gave up!
Debz, I have chosen to block someone recently because I was attacked in front of my friends, and they came to my rescue, but to stop further attacks, I chose to block this person. I see no reason to allow that sort of behaviour in chat, but it does happen on occasion and when all else fails, that option as you said is there for a reason!
Anyway, off my soapbox now, just putting it out there. Hugs to you all ♥
Laura thanks for comments very good ones to.I wrote the blog for us all to just think of others as well as ourselves,sometimes the person who made the comment that hurt, is hurting more than us ,i hadn’t thought of that till yesterday when i got the message that I had hurt this one chatter It shocked me to think that this chatter was feeling so sad, and I helped to make them that way,not by something I had said but by not being there for her.Thanks for all you comments and friendship laura xxxxxxxxx .mac
Hi Mac,
Wow, you really said this well.
It is true that a person cannot be very best of friends with every single person in chat, just as one cannot be best of friends with every single neighbor that one has.
When I enter the lobby, I see it as my individual responsibility to be pleasant to everyone and open-minded to others’ feelings.
When I participate in chat, I have respect for others, enjoy each during the good times and try very much to show support for each other during the rough times.
I cherish the very fine friends that I have met in here at Senior Chatters, some with whom I have come to communicate by emails or other means.
At the same time, I ALSO cherish my casual friends that I meet up with in the lobby. They make me laugh when they are happy or silly, and I feel their pain when they are hurt or sad. I also know that after a while, those casual friends will more than likely become near and dear to me.
Because I would never intentionally say anything to hurt someone, I choose to believe that everyone feels the same way.
Mac, thanks for reminding me that I am not the only person here looking for friends and acceptance.
Hugs, Pam
Blue you are a truly great person in chat ,you I wouldn’t dream to say think of others ,you do .thanks for kind words about my blog and hope we can continue to help each others help those that need help in chat.Then lets just have fun as i love the fun we get up too. XXXXXXXxx
…….Very well written contribution, Pam. I agree with everything you said, and feel the same way about the chat room, and this site.
Dearest Mac, thank you for this caring blog. Like you, I have noticed a difference in chat and the lovely friendly feeling sometimes slipping away. I find that very sad. I also find you are one of the kindest, caring people under the sun as I also find the other dear friends on here and I value you all. It is so nice to come home after work and log into chat for a couple of hours of laughs, caring for others and sharing friendship, yes its cyberspace, however the more we chat we get a little peek into each others heart and I so value that.
Like Pam I would never intentionally hurt another person and say hullo to each person in chat individually, no one likes to be ignored, however if someone attacks a friend I have been known to have a hissy fit lol. Run folks run !!!!
The first year or so of chat was so wonderful for me, coming here after dad died and the terrible circumstances surrounding his death, to find a whole new group of beautiful caring people. I so enjoyed being part of chat, making friends and starting groups which I love. It seems it has only been in the last four or five months that things have gone topsy turvy and I have thought of leaving on a number of occasions. Like mac I will stay and fight to keep the dear friends already made and new ones to come.
Friendship to me is respect, loyalty, love, caring, accepting each individual friend just as they are in good times or bad, and knowing they are there for you and I am there for them, two way street for me.
I also feel we should be mindful that this is Rob’s site he has created for us and it is up to us to respect that and keep improving chat, groups, blogs etc to keep this the best seniors site for others to come.
Nearly off my soap box lol. The last thing I want to say is that admin and monitors give their time to keep us safe. If one makes a decision someone needs to banned I feel we should not question, just support the decision made. That also is respecting friendship and the decisions friends make.
Love to you all xxxx skips
Perfectly stated, Skip…I completely agree!!! xxx
Mac, I’m very upset for you. As in ‘real’ life, on line friendships are sometimes hurtful and can turn nasty. I have never deliberately hurt anyone in my life, but some people don’t think about what they say, and don’t understand how hurtful their comments can be.
You have to work hard at friendships, and always consider the feelings of people-which obviusly you do. pLease stick on in here, Mac-you’ll learn who the genuine peope are!
Love to Mac! Maize x
maize don’t be upset for me ok. i wrote that to show how easy it is to confuse what is said ,and what is going on in anothers life Im sure you haven’t hurt anyone deliberately .thanks for reading my bl;go .
I agree with everything that has been said. On the note skip you said we need to support the decision the monitors make to ban someone etc I also believe we should support or rather not comment if anyone decides to block another chatter for whatever reasons they have. If a chatter decides to block another chatter it is thier business only and not for others to comment or judge as why the chatter has decided to block another. It is thier decision no one elses. Others may not see what has been said in whispers to another so cannot judge as to the reasoning behind the blocking of another. I hope that all makes sense.
I want to thank you all for your replys ,no I am not upset at present personally ,I wrote this as I felt we all need to think about the way things can be said on line .The message I got yesterday made me relies that I had hurt this friend badly by not being there for her .Its very hard for one to know what is going in in the others life .I log into chat and then often get involved with the kids or private chat and miss what goes on in the chat room.
So true gran, I agree. xxx
Mac you express yourself with such clarity and honest feeling; that such is the case maly be measured by the quantity and quality of the replies you draw out of Chatters in your quite inspirational post (Ever thought of the priesthood? (LOL). You’ve challenged us all to reflect on the value and responsibilities of not just online chatting but of human relationships in general. Thanks for being such a thoughtful and good friend.
old bull thanks for your thoughts on my blog.if I have given you a reason to question your responsibilities to others in your life ,then maybe that priesthood could be my calling( LOL.)Enjoy being your friend too .
Ok I was not going to say anything about this, now i will for the sake of everyone who is suffering and comes into chat for a bit of relief. For someone to say that talking about illness in chat is attention seeking I found very offensive as no doubt others did too. I found it hard to open my mouth and say anything much in chat recently as it seemed i always said the wrong thing.However I am coming into chat every day as usual and I am going to be me warts and all.
My story is I have a fractured foot and shoulder, my husband is being investigated for leukemia. I still go to work and look after others and do all that is required of me during the day. Then so I am strong for my husband I come into chat to be among friends and forget about things for a couple of hours.
Please be kind to others, you do not know what they are copping with and what a relief it is to be around kind cyber friends for a little, even if they say nothing.
Thank you
skip
xxxx
Skip so sorry for everything you are going through at present ,you are in my prayers.Chat is the p[lace to talk about anything,and we will be there for you or anyone else ,that is what it is all about .Please let me see your warts skip love you as you ok .please God everything will turn out right for gordie HUGS XXXXXXXX
mac
My warts mac, ummmm will try and find a photo lol Thank you xxxx
Oh skip just keep smiling and know we are here for you ok ,biggest one you got hahaha.
Gosh what a response to your blog mac. I don’t go into chat much, especially when there are a lot in there because quite frankly I can’t keep up with the conversations (durrr!) but when I do go in I love the chat, and obviously I don’t know anything about the hurt that has happened there. I sincerely hope I haven’t hurt anyone when I have gone in there. I have always thought of you as a kind caring person mac. I really can’t understand how people can be so hurtful at our ages. For God sake we are “seniors” and have had a lifetime of experiences and know how hurtful life can be at times, and to inflict hurt on each other at this age is outrageous. Okay we are cyber friends and some can hide behind that, but I know I can feel the love, care and understanding from my “cyber” friends and that is important to me. If the caring is not genuine, will we ever know?? But I do know that I get a great deal from the friends I have found on here, and whether genuine or not, I don’t want to lose them and I will cherish their friendship as long as I am on this planet and on this site. I feel sorry for those who are hurtful in chat because I feel they must lack something in their lives. We all have our histories, and nothing can change that, but please, as mac says, be kind and considerate in what you say. If you are hurting tell us about it, and we will do all we can to help you, but don’t lash out and be hurtful, because really you are the ones who will suffer more. We, as seniors, are here for each other, that is how I feel, and I have been helped by the wonderful friends I have on here, and I truly believe they are genuine and the most wonderful people you will meet.
Dear skip my thoughts are prayers are with you at this time – I pray that Gordie will be okay, and that you heal soon. Take care my dear friend – love fy2 xoxoxoxox
Foreveryoung you couldn’t offend people you are kind,thanks for all the kind words you have said ,and everything you said is true thanks .xxxxxxx
Ma, a good post!
I know I think I’m a bit of a joker in chat, but I hope I’ve never offended you at all., or anyone else, come to that. It is very easy to take things the wrong way, particularly if it’s a subject that is a tender spot for you. We don’t all know each others history, so take chances with some of the things we say – but in reality, that isn’t much different to real life – apart from not having visible signs and body language to guide us,
The chatroom is a great place, and I consider most of the people who come in there to be my friends. I’ve been there for nearly a year now, and wouldn’t be without it.
Don’t even consider leaving Ma!
Twigg
Xx
Gee twiggs how could you ever think that you offend anyone a finer gentleman we couldn’t have in chat .No not very often have i been offended in chat ,I wrote this as it was me who offended the other chatter,by not being there and not talking to her,not taking the time to see she was hurting .I wanted us to just think a little more about the ones in chat thats all.thanks for comments .no not leaving I love chat and I just want to make it better.xxxxxxxxx
i thank God everyday for directing me to this site..i have made so many kind and loving friendships and have been hurt badly by some i’ve lost…i truly hope i haven’t offended anybody…if so it was never my intention to do so ..i offer my sincere apology to any i may have hurt,upset or offended…my life would be very boring and lonely without s/chatters and i’m sure there are a lot of others who feel the same way…thank you for such a well thought out and well written blog,maccie…and here’s to making it even better here for the next 50 years or so..lol..xxxxxxx
From all the posts ,veI read your all regulars in chat and not once have I seen anyone offend anyone else……….
I have seen the odd ‘snip’ here and there on occasions…….sometimes done to myself I was really abused by someone in chat once and it got very very nasty even with some extremeley threating remarks and I was the one who was accused of being ‘trouble’..I was wrting in caps, even drawing attention to a mod, howver zilch….so I reported…….and I copied the conversation, I gather that person is no longer a ‘2 week member’……….had I known about the block option I would have used it…of that I have no doubt….
What i am curious about tho has anyone ever said to a person who has been offensieve or who isn’t being so nice fronted up to that person and asked them what their problem is?……or write in caps to draw attention to that person? …….people who are just plain mean and nasty need be reported, remember copy the conversation and block………we go into chat for whatever reason but to be abused should not be tolerated……….and i agree if anyone decides to use the block option it is for that person to do so and not for any of us to question the actions of that person…..
sheesh we are all over 50 I think we all understand the difference between a little harmless banter and a few laughs, and I also think we all understad nasty and mean………I also believe it is just a very very small minority of people doing this…and they know who they are…………………..but i doubt they take the time to read blogs or groups as they have no value of self woth, now see in chat they can try and become the top dog!!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrr it makes me so angry they are upsetting so many lovely people on here…..including many of my friends……
xxx
mac
Your blog is fantastic. I think it has made people think about how they can be less than sensitive when writing on this site. I know I have made many mistakes, the first few months I was here. I know, I was one of those, less sensitive people. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding my life story, I should not have been so cavalier, when talking with others on this site, or any site. I regret this, and I have learned from it.
I must admit, even months later, I sometimes say things that are not appropriate. I do not think it so, at the time, but in reflection, the things I have said were probably better left unsaid.
I always pride myself as being a thoughtful, caring person, but, truth be told, at times I have not been so. I think, the mere written word, allows us to be less than who we really are. It is kind of like driving a car. Once a person gets into a car, it is more likely he or she will do unkind acts of driving (cutting someone off, honking the horn, getting angry at the old (older person) in front of you for driving so slow).
Least I get everyone to hate me now, (yall, I am mostly a fun, caring, thoughtful person), I need to explain. I just recognize my part in all of this and realize I need to think more carefully before typing in the first thing that comes into my mind. When you talk with someone, face to face, you get immediate feedback, and can recognize your unintentional error. When online, not so easy.
What I do know, without equivocation is that you, Mac, have been a stable force in this room. Your kind comments, awareness of others’ troubles, and continual humor has made this a much more enjoyable room than it would be with your absence.
K, enough said, back to the room. Thank you, Mac, for letting me speak my peace.
Suzie thanks for your reply to my post,so glad you felt you could tell your side of chat. Just hope that chatt will be better for you and you feel more comfortable in there .You can always chat to me ,,, tell me to get my but over and listen to you ok . That is what it is about listening to others .Chill is available if you need it ok .God bless and enjoy .
Wow mac you got it all out there – take care xoxoxox
Your magic is working mac, thank you xxxxx
No magic skip its just we all know that chatters is special and we want to keep it that way please God .andI am sure we can do if we think of everyone on here .
Thank you all for your input to my blog,very humbling to me .
This is a good example of me not explaining my self so it comes across as I intended lol.
I believe every person has a kind of “magic” about them that shines like a light.
This blog of yours mac, is part of what I see as the “magic” in you. xxxxx skip
Thanks skip I hear what you say.
mac i may not be the best person to say this but you almost brought a tear to my old eyes for i believe you to be a very good friend and mentor i will try my best to be a better person thanks for your words of mac you are one of the best love ya
Oh whip what can I say thanks ,you are a good person ,we all love you and your music.
Oh Mac…..friendship…to me it is wanting the best for that person….even if it costs you…..being respectful….but knowing when you can joke with a person..I have friends who I have had for over 30 years….and my best friend is my hubby…I value my friends…i have met some brilliant friends on this site….sometimes it’s difficult because it is only text….to know if a person is joking or nor….I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt most times..to have friends you have to be a friend…I can only speak from my experience..Mac you are a good friend….among others….but its not good to come here expecting everyone to be your friend….I think its best to build on what I have….some very special people….take heart Mac….
Much Love Morvenna xxxxxxx
Thanks morv yes friends are special .hope we can remain friends ,xxxxxxx