Do dreams die harder as we get older?

The other day a friend of mine asked if I thought that dreams died a harder death as we got older. After I thought about it, I believe they do. He didn’t mean our “casual” dreams; he meant the dreams at the top of our bucket lists. Recently, a couple of my dreams have died – one went screaming and kicking, biting and scratching, roaring like a lion, the other went quiet and graceful like, just like me, if you know me then you know which dream I meant! There was something so final about it all. I quickly realized that these were things that will never be in my life. Bam! Felt like I hit a cement wall. Had I changed my way of looking at life? Had their deaths impacted my life in such a way that I am forever changed? Wow! Am I changed for the better or the worse? Will new dreams take their place? What will happen if all my dreams either fade away quietly or go out like a raging thunderstorm? Will I be empty? Will I have no purpose? When did I formulate these dreams? Who put them on the top of my bucket list?

One of my dreams was paramount to me. It’s been a lifelong dream. Obviously, I had never attained it. And now it is not only gone, but gone forever. Have I surrendered this dream myself? I am not sure, perhaps a little bit. I feel un-nerved. Is this a good thing? Is this bad? The impact of this dream never coming true is altering almost every aspect of my life. Several years ago, I would never have even thought twice about this. I would have dismissed any feelings of concern easily, simply by reminding myself that I had the rest of my life to realize this. Ouch, I have lived more of my life than what remains to be lived. Scary! These damn dreams of mine have attachments too! You know like an email has – pictures, music, word document, videos. All the cherished and treasured sides that went this very sweet dream of mine gone, never to be. I feel the frown lines on my face as I write this. Now I am going to get a wrinkle and line too? Well that’s fair all right! Isn’t it enough that dream is gone?

Why does this feel devastating? Why does is feel monumental? Why has it been etched in stone like the Ten Commandments? When did it switch to such permanency? No more second chances, well third, or fifth or eighth? Has my hour glass been turned? Is it my age? Is my energy level is waning; therefore I have unconsciously prioritized only what I can really achieve? Now that I have become wise because of my age, have I re-ordered and tossed aside the less important? Have I simply surrendered, have I no longer the patience to pursue my dream? Am I just broken, having given up, the endeavor too great.

Alas, I am not lost. I am not empty. Sad, no doubt about it, regrets, never! I guess for me it is more important that my dreams go out kicking and fighting, screaming and ranting, spitting fire than to have them fade almost silently away. I know I have lived, even if I have lost my most precious dream, even if it is never to be attained.

What do you think?