Deep Feelings are Rarely Deep

I asked AI to create an image of deep feelings that float at the service.  This is the image it created.  Not what I had in mind, but it works well. The red, hot lava-looking image is quite appropriate.   

I was told recently by a good friend that I tend to go quite deep in some conversations.   She was absolutely correct.   Like most things with me, statements from those I respect cause me to reflect and consider the possible reasons for my responses.

In this case, I was immediately struck by the distinction between deep feelings and deep-seated feelings.  Deep-seated feelings can “sit” in our subconscious for decades without being discovered, if they are ever discovered.  

Deep feelings seem to be at the starting line of a race, waiting for the signal gun to fire, and then they sprint to the surface.  As you probably imagined, the signal gun is a phrase, a word, or the trust you feel that launches the feeling from the starting blocks.

If you will, try to picture a feeling sprinting to the surface.  You, at a dead stop, try to catch it before it launches out of your mouth or through your fingertips onto the keyboard.  

These are feelings that have been burning in your soul, under pressure, and are more than ready to be heard.  Again, only when the right combination of events is realized.  Most often, these emotions find the track ends before they can reach the finish line.  

Those around you who triggered the event have no clue what happened.  They were just being kind and thoughtful.  They make an innocent comment, and that “deep” emotion charges up and out, at times running head-on into the other person, making everyone either uncomfortable or, at a minimum, surprised.  

For me, the real issue is what does the finish line look like?  What do I expect to happen?  Is it enough that the feeling is released?  Do we need validation?  

There’s a perfect storm today that creates a massive contradiction.   We live in a world that seems intent on dividing us rather than uniting us.   The sheer amount of information causes most of us to process quickly, which also means with less depth.  Listening skills have somewhat diminished while cynicism has grown.   We have access to unlimited social interaction, but we can’t seem to find a meaningful connection.  All this at a time when we have so much on our minds.  

If you’re like me (a huge stretch), you keep searching out ways to say what’s on your mind, hoping to be heard.   Longing for dialogue, and at times, overwhelming those I have the good luck to speak with (I’m working on that).  Searching for connectedness.

My advice is first, to never give up trying to connect.  But try different things, like using social media and attending community events.  Make a pack with anyone you connect with. Instead of being judgmental or critical, I encourage you to be open in your discussions and be ready to accept and appreciate what they have to say.  If you’re seeking a romantic connection, be patient and don’t make it your priority.  Overriding a connection’s quality to leverage romance usually ends poorly.   

Our brains look for threats and absorb negative information much faster than positive information.  It’s what has kept us alive because negative information has historically represented a threat.   Many people say they don’t trust someone until they have earned it.  As a result, when given the option to see something in a positive or negative light, we chose negative.   Stop that!!! 

There’s a song by Jewel called Satisfied.   While the song is about love, it applies here as well.  “Don’t hold it back while you’re trying to figure it out….start by giving it first”.  In this case, I’m talking about trust.   Choose to look at things with a positive perspective.  You can guard your trust, but you don’t have to keep it locked in the basement.   

If you’re on the receiving end of a conversation and hear something that concerns you, please stop and reflect on what’s really happening.   Someone is trusting and, to some extent, leaning on you.  Discuss what you find uncomfortable and clarify any misunderstandings.  Remember, deflection may seem like a safe approach, but it rarely goes unnoticed.  I’m still learning that.

Something else to consider is that, given the opportunity, most will try to rise to the occasion.  If you give them trust, they will likely try to provide good reasons to keep trusting.  

Having been in the military, I found this site called Til Valhalla that resonated with me.  One of their sweatshirts reads “Choose to keep writing your story”.  Mental health matters.   I’m not sponsored by them, so this isn’t a sales pitch.  But the message is a good one.  I would offer a corollary: “Choose to keep writing your ever-changing story.”  

Be adaptive and not deeply rooted.  Despair can seep into our thoughts, which then influences our actions.  Our mental health is, now more than ever, being challenged nearly every day.   Mental health is no different than physical health.  Seek out a mental health professional to help you.  Here’s a tip: if you ever ponder seeing a mental health professional, you should see one; if a friend asks if you have spoken to anyone about your feelings, it’s most likely they are talking about a mental health professional – you should see one. Consider it a spa day for the mind.

Reverend John Watson (Ian Maclaren) in 1897, is quoted for saying, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”

Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters