DECEIT

Don't really know what to say, how to word it except to say I am gutted. just discovered by sheer accident that someone I converse with daily has not been being truthful with me, keeping information back, not being as open and honest as I thought, best way I can put it, .not feeling too happy at the moment but I will live.  I left a message saying they must never ever contact me again - my way of dealing with it, no more communication, nothing more to be said...

Have you ever had to deal with deceit?

 

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Comments

  1. Suzan1957

    Maybe you misjudged them. You stated that they kept information back from you. Maybe if was something they didn’t want or see the need to share with you. I’m not sure of all the circumstances but one can be open and honest and not share everything with someone. Just saying, if it was an enjoyable friendship, chatship or whatever, maybe you should talk it out.

    1. starlette Post author

      TY Susan maybe I should…… but I don’t think I will……….I see it as a trust issue…..they don’t…but its what’s in my head that counts….

  2. roseinbloom

    Starlette, I have been a victim of deceit of several varieties. I understand what you are feeling at least somewhat. I lost faith in my ability to recognize the toxic dangerous people and I lost faith in humanity in general. I recovered and have less trust in humanity in general and know I am much more vulnerable than I thought.
    You may be too honest and straight forward to recognize deceit in others. We judge others by our own selves and honest people are easily fooled.
    I could say that maybe you got it wrong, but I doubt that. I can say that you need to be more tolerant, but without trust there can be little left except arms length association. I am sorry that you have to be gutted and hurt, but you now have a cleaner slate and are wiser than before. Good luck and I hope you can recover soon, but some hurts leave wounds and scars. I am very sorry for what you are suffering.

    1. starlette Post author

      Thank you Rose……you are correct in all you say……..people who are open and honest expect the same back……..sadly occasionally we don’t get it…….

    2. Rockflower

      To a large extent I agree with Rosinbloom. I think that we tend to think people will behave as we do, if you are a calculating secretive type then you suspect that everyone else is too. If you are honest and open likewise, this is why nice people get conned by the unscrupulous all the time. Some times we have high expectations of a relationship and expect To ‘get’ as much from the relationship as we give but not everyone is capable of giving of themselves to the same degree. It could well be that the person holding back , does not understand what they did wrong but we don’t know the details. May be they hid information out of embarrassment or fearing you would think bad of them. Some people are just not generous in giving of themselves and it never occurs to them to open up. Go to the other extreme…we all know someone who is totally needy in a relationship, they keep telling you much more than you want to know. and that becomes a burden. People are just different we all know that, as we get older it is said to be more difficult to make new friends, I think it is just that life has made us more wary. We do not have the same energy to invest in building a friendship, so we need to be sure before investing LOL! If you feel you can never regain the trust in this person……well just put it behind you and move on, chalk it up to experience. I understand you feel betrayed in way but don’t let this eat at you, it is past, gone.

      1. starlette Post author

        Hello Rockflower, you are absolutely right……..I think we do become more cynical and less trusting as we age………buttttt its all life’s little treats for us……..lol…cannot wait for the future ones……ERM…….

      1. LoneRogue

        You ended your original post here by saying “nothing more to be said” and yet you said much, but no details. Isn’t this a message you are sending to someone? Are you not appealing for sympathy but not telling enough to understand?

        1. starlette Post author

          No I didn’t wright that last sentence…my last one was have you ever had to deal with deceit….see the smaller print…sometimes in blogs things are added or deleted as seen fit……..I am neither looking or want sympathy, I deal with things in my own way as we all do……its not the end of my world by any stretch of the imagination………chatters like to get involved and pass on their thoughts and feelings on blogs…….and to go into personal details isn’t necessary……I am not asking for advice or what to do….there are many routes we could take to deal with situations…..but we know in our own minds what we will do………we wouldn’t all go down the same routes…interesting to know what way others dealt with it and the outcome……

  3. rose1943

    Dear Star, I find you to be one of the most level headed people on here. I’ve read many of your posts and i think you seem to be very honest and I always trust you. Many of your comments are jovial and I like that too.
    I say “Good for you” for following your heart and your instincts. I’d probably do the same thing, not that it means that much, but I would. Usually people that keep claiming to be honest are not. I find that to be a defense mechanism they can’t help using. Right above this post you’ll see one from LoneRogue. He can act like a rude and sometimes nasty pest at time…we’ve all seen that..but the one attribute I find in him is……he’s honest!
    It’s sad to lose someone you’ve trusted but you’ll probably end up feeling better about it. If they’re true to you, they’ll come back to you and say “I’m sorry” and you can discuss both sides of your stories. Thanks for sharing, Star.

  4. starlette Post author

    Thank you Rose……the lessons in life never cease ……..good of you to try to defend your friend Lone………but your sentence hit the nail on the head……the honesty bit does not counteract the rude nasty pest bit…….you are a good judge of character…… most of us tolerate this kind of person because we know they have underlying issues and are desperately unhappy………

  5. rose1943

    I feel like Lone is like our little brother who likes to be in our chatter family by misbehaving……also wanting to have the last word. Lone, your personality is so much like my son’s. But please be more sympathetic when someone is spilling out their guts to us! Let’s help Starlette by giving her our thoughts as she asked us. Good luck Star.

  6. Slimjim

    Star i have read your blog and take it from me it happens quite often on chat sites because we can be what ever we want to be ? So yes deceit is quite common

    1. starlette Post author

      Hi Jim…..I was very much a novice when I first joined a chat site, simply out of curiosity, I didn’t even know they existed until I read a article from a women in a magazine, i cannot remember what her problem was, but I can remember feeling bemused at what she was saying…….well needless to say I took a look…….I would need to write a book about my encounters and experiences……lol…..yes I have no doubt there are many genuine nice chatters, I know lots……..but by the same token many nasty, jealous, disturbed individuals…lots of smoke and mirrors goes on in chat sites……

      1. Sky

        I chatted to someone online
        It seemed they were kind and honest
        So we met up
        at first it seemed fine
        But OMG they had a serious mental problem
        I was bullied and I couldn’t do anything right
        was told what to eat and how to dress
        It was terrible
        I had to beg others for help to get awat from him
        I was in fear of my life
        I never dreamed he was a control freak and so spiteful
        I have a small scar on my top lip to remind me to not to trust certain people
        Only telling you this to avoid someone else being hurt
        deceat comes into this as I understand no one knoes how

  7. sunshine

    Deceit is a tough subject. Especially because it is so subject to interpretation. Your friend may be withholding information because they are trying themselves to deal with it. Sometimes I find myself at that crossroad. Where I have other things I could add but feel maybe they would be offensive or possibly hurt too much to discuss. Maybe I feel I may be breaching a different trust. Before you decide to completely shut down – maybe you should hear them out. I’m sorry you got hurt. I get hurt a lot also. I think it’s my expectation that I’m being open and honest why can’t other people. Also because I’m not in the habit of judging people.

    1. Sky

      I chatted to someone online
      It seemed they were kind and honest
      So we met up
      at first it seemed fine
      But OMG they had a serious mental problem
      I was bullied and I couldn’t do anything right
      was told what to eat and how to dress
      It was terrible
      I had to beg others for help to get awat from him
      I was in fear of my life
      I never dreamed he was a control freak and so spiteful
      I have a small scar on my top lip to remind me to not to trust certain people
      Only telling you this to avoid someone else being hurt
      deceat comes into this as I understand no one knoes how

  8. starlette Post author

    Hello Sunshine, I suppose what one would see as deceit another one wouldn’t, the open and honest bit is maybe where we trip up……..it really isn’t our right to be told everything that another person is doing…..its just that in the past I had done the same thing but discussed it, no big deal, nothing terrible and nothing to hide……but in my eyes a bit sneaky and secretive………the answer was they just thought it wasn’t important, forgot to mention it…maybe deceit was to strong a word, but that’s how it felt to me, maybe I am to sensitive, I try not to judge….but don’t always manage it…..

    1. sunshine

      Hi starlette, It’s hard not to judge people. I was just saying that in general and in no way intimating that you do judge people. I looked at how I typed it and thought – oh no – so I’m sorry if it sounded that way it was totally unintentional. I understand how you feel though I have always hated being the afterthought. The person in front of the one saying “oh yeah, didn’t I tell you” I like to think I matter to people. More times then not I end up grieving for a relationship I thought I had. I wish for you a bouquet of daisies to help you heal. Just know in this area you are not alone.

      1. starlette Post author

        The Daises are gratefully received Sunshine………I try not to judge…..but alas I am only human……..I will have to toughen up and stop being so sensitive….. lol……..but I don’t think that is going to happen anytime soon….

  9. Slimjim

    Having read this blog again i now think i see things quite clearly. This is my version of events. Star may have been chatting with a very nice man on this site. After a few weeks chatting they agreed to a meeting. On the evening before the meeting Star received a message from her friend saying something like Oh by the way i am married? Jim

      1. Sky

        I chatted to someone online
        It seemed they were kind and honest
        So we met up
        at first it seemed fine
        But OMG they had a serious mental problem
        I was bullied and I couldn’t do anything right
        was told what to eat and how to dress
        It was terrible
        I had to beg others for help to get awat from him
        I was in fear of my life
        I never dreamed he was a control freak and so spiteful
        I have a small scar on my top lip to remind me to not to trust certain people
        Only telling you this to avoid someone else being hurt
        deceat comes into this as I understand no one knoes how

    1. starlette Post author

      Sorry Jim……. but you are way off the mark, nothing to do with meeting up with anyone……I have been in a happy relationship for 16 years…..and I never mentioned it was a man, or indeed anyone off the site……..I thinks its time the Blog was put to bed now……I think I have received all the sensible replies I am likely to…….and the rather unhealthy interest from a certain individual……..so Rob if you see this would you now please remove it……..its getting kinda of spooky…. i.feel like I am being stalked…..

        1. starlette Post author

          Wasn’t referring to you in my reply……it was meant for Lone…he is a screw ball…loves arguments..i am not biting….bye for now..x

      1. LoneRogue

        This started with you feeling you were deceived (now not sure) and now you feel you are being stalked? Do you also hear voices?

        If I posted stuff like this I would ask it to be removed too.

  10. roseinbloom

    lonerogue, when someone tells THEIR story, It is THEIR story. I know starlette and I respect her to be sensible with powers of discernment. Star’s last sentence was have we ever had to deal with deseit. I have and I know what it feels like. It feels horrible, so Star’s story sounds real and honest and we can all share our stories if we choose.
    I have been deceived by men and women so this ISS not directed at men . People can drip sugar to your face and stab you in the back. sometimes it is an individual and sometimes it is a group think. Deceit is bad business.We need to just not take it as a fault in us but as a serious character flaw in the dishonest and mean ones.

    1. starlette Post author

      Hi Rose….I am not going to make this a two way conversation with Lone…its gets very boooring……. not going to give him what he is looking for….I have more sense…….its not what the blog page is about…ty for your reply…

  11. Scorpio

    You say in your profile that you are a recluse. I have to say that does not surprise me in the slightest. You are probably best living this way as you seem hell bent on upsetting as many people as possible.

    1. starlette Post author

      He can only upset those who give who give a jot……and I don’t know any member on S. Chatters who does……..so let him do his best……..signed poor baby Lone……haaaaa…..xxx

      1. tessa

        “They” upset you? What you meant to say is , you ALLOW yourself to feel upset because you enjoy it. We do nothing which has no payoff. For some, negative attention beats none at all.

  12. Scorpio

    Your absolutely right starlette but I’ve never been able to walk away from anyone I consider a bully. I shall however , try to restrain myself in future. 😊

    1. LoneRogue

      Scorpio’s and Aquarius are always at odds. I know. I was married t a strong willed one for 56 years. We tamed each other.

  13. Slimjim

    As a certain female member always ignores me no matter what i say i will put an update on here. Rose in bloom. I found your comments regarding Stars latest blog to be most constructive Jim

      1. Tommy H

        Well I thought it was just me, Seems lots of people have suffered from unpleasant liars . I am new to chatting but when I find out someone being base I at least could approach them to see if they had the guts to say whatever it was to my face. Cant do that on here. If they are crook they will stay crook.
        Thanks Tom.

        1. starlette Post author

          Hi Tommy and welcome…….not many people are lucky enough to never encounter a liar or two through life………but we wise up…..lol…..

          1. Tommy H

            Hi Ladies xx,
            Well I hope the people who do cause unnecessary upset, Fool & Trick people into believing their stories at some point in life have a change of hart, feel some sort of guilt and change their outlook.
            One particular person I grew up with should go straight to hell and burn there in agony until the end of time. I can ignore the rest but just not that one. every time I think of what my brother did to my parents reduces me to tears. Wont ever get over him.

  14. starlette Post author

    I can relate to your there Tommy…….and Karma came around………one of my Dads sayings was…………”God Doesn’t Pay His Debts With Money”…………bide your time Tommy…..xx

  15. roseinbloom

    TommyH, I am sorry that you live with such bitterness. I have come to terms somewhat and just let go of what I could yet some damage lingers, I don’t think I am bitter, but I wouldn’t be sad if karma, or Justice caught up with some of these people.

  16. LoneRogue

    This blog entry started like this:

    “”Don’t really know what to say, how to word it except to say I am gutted. just discovered by sheer accident that someone I converse with daily has not been being truthful with me, keeping information back, not being as open and honest as I thought, best way I can put it, .not feeling too happy at the moment but I will live. I left a message saying they must never ever contact me again – my way of dealing with it, no more communication, nothing more to be said…””

    So sad. You feel “gutted” That sounds really bad. It is hard to understand exactly what was done to you. You don’t actually say you were lied to. Were you? Keeping back information is not lying. This person was not under oath so not compelled to tell the whole truth.

    You say “no more communication, nothing more to say…” You have communicated a lot more and have had a lot more to say. This is very strange because I don’t see how this solves anything other than get you a lot of attention.
    Are you satisfied now?

    1. starlette Post author

      The end of communication was with the said person Lone……. not to the comments on my blog………would be very rude not to acknowledge them………why are you so intent on scrutinising, dissecting , mocking and ripping my blogs to pieces ??……..well you have won on this one…its what you wanted, so big applause to you……..hell will freeze over before I ever write another blog……I really have more in my life going on than to continue to fight my corner with you…….have a good day….. live long and prosper…..

  17. foreveryoung2

    Hi starlette, I too have been subjected to deceit from family members and “so called” friends. Like you Tommy, I have not gotten over the family members’ deceit. We deal with these things in our own way, and starlette don’t let anyone upset you about how you area dealing with your deceit.
    All the best. Take care. A big hug for you xoxo

    1. starlette Post author

      The hug much appreciated Forever………always worse when its from family members………whoever said…….. “Blood is Thicker then Water “……I say Pftttttt…

        1. starlette Post author

          Ty Scorps………they do not draw me in………my skin is like a Rhinoceros……. I really must change my moisturiser…hee hee….

  18. chopper

    I have found folk have many different reasons for joining chat sites. To me its like an escape from real world stresses.
    Liberties can be taken without any intention of hurting.

  19. Abhilaaj

    Hi Star
    Sad to know about what happened to you.
    But you need to tell us exact details of what actually transpired?

    In absence of the FULL story, your blog reminds me of a blind
    who said some one hit him with a rock, but he was unaware who he was
    or how he looked.

    You need not be discreet here as he was at fault, not you.
    If it was ”he” as we guess.
    Thanks, regards.