Dear London Borough of Barking and Dagenham Council
I can assure you I have not parked outside a school in your borough or indeed anywhere else despite what Councillor Siama Ashraf tells you. If he reports having seen me parked there than I suggest that he is Barking mad - forgive the pun!
There are a number of reasons why I have been wrongly accused let me outline them for you:
I am a scouser and was nowhere near your borough on that date
I haven't a clue how to get to Barking and Dagenham
I have absolutely no reason whatsoever to park outside a school and if I did get the sudden uncontrolable urge to do so, I certainly would not travel all the way to London just for that.
I was actually in work in Liverpool at the time stated
and if you are still not convinced of my innocence
I do not own a car because I cannot drive!
Please feel free to send me more penalty notices/fines but please make them hard copies as we are currently out of toilet paper.
PS. do you know my friend the taxman?