Dating Profile from a Comedian

For any of you that have gone into a dating site to find true love or to date or whatever you are interested in. I dedicate this to you! For me…give me a man who has a sense of humor! At least you will have something to laugh about most of the time. Linda

Read this Profile from a true comedian:

UPDATE: Seeking only serious relationship. If you are just looking for sex, go on to the next profile. I am not some toy for you. I am tired of being used. Also, a lady wrote to me and her headline was “Must Love Animals”, if this is on your profile do not contact me! I like pets as much as anyone but I am not doing that!! It is sick, disgusting, and perverse! Other bizarre requests will be considered on a case by case basis.

My friends say (my friends say because I am so humble) that I am humble, modest, kind, considerate, brave, courageous, and bold, educated, reticulated, honest, sweet, kind,considerate, trustworthy, smart, intelligent, strong, macho (but still allow my femimine side to show through), hard-working, lazy, witty, charming, disarming, sauve, sophisticated, debonair, adorable (my Mom said that), hot, worldly, street-wise, tough, tender, pretty, witty, and wise, adventerous, a home-body, hip, cool straight-laced, conservative, liberal, libertarian, and I have fairly good hygiene, usually smell good, get along well with small children and animals.

Things I enjoy; helping negotiate arms treaties between nuclear superpowers, destroying evil empires, deposing evil dictators, arranging ceremonies for various diplomats, keeping the world safe for democracy (while promoting individual liberty), constraining Nazi war criminals, hugging puppies. and helping elderly people cross busy streets (but only if they really want to get across). Oh I almost forgot, being nice to my mother. Teaching special needs children in third world countries. shopping for spices in Istanbul or jewelry in Dubai. Moonlight drives across the desert. And the beach (since almost every other profile mentions it).

I am comfortable in almost all social situations. I can go from white tie and tails at a formal state dinner to rolling naked in mud and howling at the moon in the backwoods to sharing some crack and Mad Dog with the boyz behind the liquor store in 5 minutes flat. I’ve timed it.

I am looking for a woman that will keep me in my place. That can belittle me in front of friends. One who will remind me, when I want to try something new, that all my life decisions previously have been wrong and all my friends are losers also. Someone who will tell that I will never be half the man her Father was. A woman that will remind me I don’t make enough money and ask why I don’t spend more time with her. I guess just a woman like Mom. But I get ahead of myself, these things come later in the relationship. Maybe I can just find a woman who hates me and I buy her a house.

If any (and I mean any) of this interests you, please write me.

Mr. Right or Wrong
__________________________________________________

I thought this was pretty darn funny! What do you think? Linda