Dark Side of Life
Her life started out relatively normal. It just didn’t stay that way. Before any child should know such things she learned to hate and fear. With those emotions she lost the ability to trust and closed her heart with a bang. She became an outsider and loner while still in elementary school. She wasn’t bullied, just,left alone. Which was fine with her.
Her early teens were more of the same. Gradually her hate and anger merged into uncompromising rage. She turned further and further away from any redeeming qualities that struggled to stay alive within her. At sixteen something snapped. She looked into a mirror and was horrified by the monster staring back at her. Thus began her long journey to attempt to turn things around. A journey that is not yet over.
When eighteen she met and fell in love with a young man of another race. They never married but were together for twenty years. She bore him three beautiful children. Their eldest passed away when she was only four. And he went over the edge. He suffered from schizophrenia-manic depression. It wasn’t until his beloved daughter’s death that it became full-blown. They stayed together for fifteen more years until neither could go any further. They were reunited when the tme came to bury their twenty year old son. He went back home, broken in spirit, heart, and mind.
As for our “heroine,” life continued its roller coaster run. More downs than ups. She finally reached a point where all she wanted was peace. She was convinced that her punishment was to be a long life in this hell on earth. Recently something occurred that offered her what she’d never had. At the end of a tunnel which had always been pitch black a small light could now be seen.
That light emanated from a place of friendship. Now she stands before you, baring her heart and soul. Yes, I am she. Some of you may condemn me…you won’t be the first or last. Some of you may choose to ignore me. That’s alright too. I am strong enough to bear either. If I can touch one heart, open one mind, or give purpose to one life I will have found redemption and atonement.
Love, Jackie
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((((((((((jackie)))))))))) I am so glad you joined us, your story moved me to tears xxx
Thank you, Skippy. I referred to some of this in my earlier blog, “where i’ve been.” But I wanted to explain myself a bit better. Hopefully others will read this and accept me as I am. Warts and all. XXXXX
Oh! Jackie of course people will except you ((HUGS)) and Thank you for sharing this xxxx
Ann, as you may have noticed my blogs tend to be much darker than your. They say, “write what you know” and I must admit I am more knowledgeable of the dark side of life. Thank you for your acceptance. XXXX
You are welcome Jackie you so deserve it xxx
Dark or not. Your life or not. It matters not a jot to most in here. We are what we are and we expose as much of ourselves as we feel able to.
Good on you I say
Oh Jackie what an emotionally laden blog …how heartbreaking must have been to lose two of your beautiful children ! And the agony of seeing a loved one taken over by mental illness !
It’s o good to know that you have found a light at the end of the tunnel …
Writing helps to unload the mind and brings a bit of peace to your heart ,I think , I hope you continue with healing process …
Love to you xx
I acept anyone its nothing to do with me what they have or havent done, its how they treat me today! You are a wonderful person Jackie and dont think any different xxxx
*accept
Can’t keep up with your connents. Let me interject one last thought. I chose to tell my story simply to let anyone who is lost in his or own private hell, “You are not alone! I understand better than you realize. I love you not for where you’ve been but in spite of.”
To you who have commented, thank you. Walk with God. XXXX
I too took the road less traveled
Thank you for your comments Jackie: having experienced more dark times than sunshine myself from childhood to date often feeling very alone in it.
Not that I would want someone else to be suffering, but, it does help me realise it is the human condition. Sometimes it seems everyone else has had such a happy good life and we wonder “Why me”.
there were times so sad that suicde seemed the only option. Now, those thoughts do not come, It seems I survive no matter what the challenge. While it would be lovely to have had blue skys I am at peace with my life and I hope you are too………Thank you for sharing
dearest jackie you have heard the saying no doubt ( their butt for the grace of god go I,) well my dear girl you have many friends who will read this story and our loving arms will surround you ,(((((((hugs))))) no time for any condemnation of anyone , circumstances bring about many things in our lives and you my pet have had more than your share… be assured that at any time you need a friend just jump online and they will be there. writing this down is not only therapeutic it will give you piece of mind and love in your heart that others do understand and are willinglly wanting to be a friend to you.so pleased that you are getting to the end of your trials and tribulations keep on going ahead hun you will succed in finding true happinesss xxxxxxx
It takes a brave heart to tell one’s life story in public. My life has been full of heartache and sadness, but at this time in my life I am proud of myself for who I am. I didn’t know who I was or what I was capable of doing until I was 57 and found myself living on my own for the first time in my life. We have forged on Jackie – hold your head up high mate you are doing great!!!!!!! I am so glad you came into SC and I hope the rest of your life is wonderful. You are not alone in here. Take care xoxox
Well said forever,((((((((((((hugs)))))))))),xxxx