Connectedness

Remarkably, billions of us are connected to an ever-increasing number of news outlets, blogs, social media platforms, online books, and other digital resources. We’re also connected through work, our personal lives, the gym, our church, the coffee shop, and the list goes on.

With all this ability to interact, our global society is experiencing an increase in loneliness, disappointment, anxiety, emotional overload, and subsequent disconnect.

We’re angry, exhausted, disappointed, afraid, apprehensive, and confused. As shown below, there are several compelling reasons.

There is much going on today that challenges us on numerous levels. We’re trying to make sense out of nonsense, rationalize the illogical, and adapt to a landscape that changes daily if not hourly.

To say we have information overload is as helpful as saying the ocean’s wet. The issue lies in the quality of the information, the quality of our connections, and the overall quality of the life we choose to live and accept each day. It lies with our balance between conformity and authenticity.

It would be too simple to say that to have quality connections, we have to place ourselves in quality situations or environments. We don’t always have control over the environments or situations we encounter, such as work, social media, politics, and more.

Consider this — The human sensory system sends the brain about eleven million (11,000,000) bits of information per second. Our conscious mind can only handle between ten (10) and fifty (50) bits per second, representing a notable bottleneck in conscious awareness and decision-making. As I’m sure you have already surmised, most of our mental processing happens outside of conscious thought, supporting the idea that our minds are constantly absorbing, storing, and processing much more than we are ever aware of — directly aware of.

We can declare that we will no longer listen to negative news, get caught up in political rhetoric (is there any other kind?), or gossip, but that’s at the conscious level, and we’re lying to ourselves. Our minds are still absorbing the information, and it continues to impact us.

If we do nothing, we tend to conform. Over time, we mere humans learn to adapt and conform to get along. Conformity can be both beneficial and detrimental. Conformity is valuable in that it helps maintain social structure, facilitates group cooperation, and promotes overall harmony. Excessive or misplaced conformity can stifle personal creativity, suppress authenticity and individuality, and lead to groupthink, which discourages critical thinking. It can also lead to unethical behavior and impair moral judgment.

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see…. John Lennon

Conversely, authenticity is the quality of being genuine, original, and true to one’s own character, values, and intentions. In personal terms, authenticity means acting in ways that reflect one’s real feelings and beliefs rather than trying to fit external expectations or imitate others.

I’ve heard so many people say it’s easier to go along than try to fight it. In fact, many believe that going along is a healthier way to connect, avoid social rejection, and produce feelings of comfort and security. The reality can be quite the opposite.

When we conform at the expense of authenticity, it leads to emotional exhaustion, reduced resilience to stress, and, well, diminished overall happiness.

When we over-conform, we tend to have superficial connections and relationships. The opposite of meaningful connections.

Today is the day you take control and get back to your authentic self. Find places to go, like concerts, parks, hikes, comedy shops, any of the fine museums in your area, the local concert hall, the bowling alley, and karaoke (yes, get up and embarrass yourself and laugh all the while). Find a new hobby, such as pottery, painting, LEGOs, or woodworking. The options for a positive environment are endless. The point is to soak up eleven million positive data bits.

Try being open to new ideas and less hard on yourself, and avoid taking things too personally. Don’t expect people to read your mind; instead, let them know what you are thinking and what you would like. Be slow to assign blame and to complain, and be quick to give compliments and to find the positive in what you are experiencing.

Every time you feel stressed, stop and examine why. What was the root cause? Emphasis on root. What can you do to effect change?

Every time you feel happy, stop and examine it. What was the root cause, and how do you expose yourself to more things like it?

The more you do these things, the more you will change your current routines into more positive routines or habits.

We go to gyms for our physical health, so we go to a mental health professional for our mental health. Everything we’ve been talking about is mental health-related. Like a fitness coach, the mental health professional will help us with a plan to be as close to peak performance as is practical.

To those in leadership positions or any position where your words and actions impact the environment of others — be kind. The difference between a manager and a leader is the people. A manager manages a process. A leader guides, develops, and deploys the team for maximum performance.

Any stress, frustration, or anxiety you allow to get in the way of your team is a speed bump to their progress. As a leader, your job is to keep the path clear. The team should expect nothing less.

To any business, educator, politician, club, or organization, we get that you can’t please everyone. What is expected is honesty, transparency, fairness, and dedication to doing the right thing for the right reasons.

To all of us, accept only the best or at least the efforts that aspire to the best. We all trip and fall. It’s not how many times we fall, it’s how many times we get back up. More importantly, it’s how many times there’s a hand there to help us up. How often do you extend that hand?

Make the connection — make it meaningful — be authentic.