I’m up a chuffin’ ladder, fixing chuffin’ fairy lights.

Me ‘ands are chuffin freezin’, and I’m scared of chuffin’ heights.

It’s the same each chuffin’ Christmas. It’s such a chuffin’ chore.

When the chuffin’ season’s done, then they’re chuffin’ down once more.

Then it’s fetch the chuffin’ turkey, and stuff the chuffin’ thing.

And chuffin’ carol singers, who can’t even chuffin’ sing.

Pull chuffin’ Christmas crackers, wear a chuffin’ paper crown.

Back up the chuffin’ ladder, ’cause the chuffin’ lights fell down.

Then there’s chuffin’ Uncle Fred, snorin’ in a chuffin’ chair,

Along with chuffin’ Auntie Lil. Same every chuffin’ year.

And here’s me chuffin’ present, from Aunt Lil and chuffin’ Fred.

A pair of chuffin’ fluffy socks to wear in chuffin’ bed.

Do I hear? “You chuffin’ killjoy! You chuffin’ Scrooge-like man!”

But I’ve a chuffin’ scheme afoot. A chuffin’ cunning plan.

I’m off to chuffin’ Spain next year, no chuffin’ turkey here.

So merry chuffin’ Christmas, and a good New chuffin’ Year.


Paddy Slevin

FootNote: Have a very merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year

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  1. It is funny and too true for many. I decided some years ago to downsize Christmas and stick to what really mattered and what I wanted to do. The stress and divorces and even homicides go up during the Christmas season, so the poem needs to put everything in perspective. I like lights and I like to bake and cook but cards and shopping is kept to a minimum. I have cards to give or send gift cards or cash. I have parents shop for their children and I paid for them. Everybody should not do what stresses them out or makes them spend money they cannot afford.

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