CHAT and Misunderstood Totally

Has it ever happened to you in this cyber chat room that you were totally misunderstood? It happened to me recently. Then I realized that it may have happened unknown number of times before and the other parties just did not make a big issue of it and some may have sought revenge in other ways and at other times, or they just ignored it and me or just suffered with an undeserved bad opinion. Has it happened to you?

I was in the chat a few days ago and I asked if the other two people wanted to see a couple of photos. One or both said they did. Well I proceeded to post the pics and it took a little longer than usual. I saw a response by one person and responded back and then maybe there was another response from the same person. I was wondering why the other person had nothing to say. Then wham, I was being lambasted and called names for ignoring the lambaster.

I was totally innocent. The offended person may have made posts that I missed while looking for files. or she may not have. She was certainly angry and I don't know if she was actually injured or just wanted to attack me for some other reason. By this time the chatroom had other members. Sadly, I actually went into chatroom to talk with the person who took offense and the other person is a congenial person. Now, I think I have another person to avoid in the chatroom. I have not seen an apology. I don't think I want to risk being lambasted again.

I implore all reasonable people to allow for the possibility that you can make mistakes in perceiving the words of another. Sometimes your messages are not received by the other party or the response might fail to be seen for many reasons. We are talking across oceans and continents at times. At another point, I decided it was time for morning coffee, so I tool the laptop to the kithen and then made coffe in between posts, the thought, "oops, how many people could get offended?". I wondered if I should have done that. I don't run from the chat and all around but I do run away for various reasons, but not very often and I usually say something.

I like to chat and I like people. I usually have fun, but this misunderstanding has triggered a negative response and I don't feel very happy about chatting. I will try to stay positive and just hope for the best.

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Published in Senior Chatters


    1. roseinbloom Post author

      CSweet, I read your message and I found no need for you to apologize as I missed anything that you did that offended me in any way. Evidently, I missed your and the other person’s conversation. I think I got a phone call about that time. I also made my morning coffee while still being in the room technically.

    2. gwynedd

      Chatting is an ongoing education. In the early years it can be pretty brutal as one tends to take things personally and form a negative self image based on erroneous conclusions. Most of what happens in a chatroom including inexplicable silences and lack of responses to ones posts is not to be taken personally because it happens to everyone. It’s just something to get used to. I found it a good lesson in objectivity and becoming a little less sensitive around others.

  1. 2doghouse

    Oh yes, it’s happened to me too. Yes, the continents thing makes a big difference. What we think is normal on this side of the pond isn’t always to others.

  2. goldengirl1224

    What comes to my mind reading your post, Rose is the old saying — ‘you can please some of the people some of the time – and please all of the people some of the time – but its impossible to please all of the people all of the time’ ! There will always be some people who will take umbrage for little or no reason. Best to ignore them and enjoy the positive people around you. Surely, the objective in dropping in for a chat is to share news, or commiserate if needed and/or have a laugh – laughter is supposed to be the best medicine after all.

  3. annemarie

    I agree with Golden Girl Rose. I think since I joined I have been in the chat room so more than 20 times and have been a member since 2009. 🙂

  4. roseinbloom Post author

    The chatroom is a fun place and usually filled with good people. In the winter, I have more free time. When I was living alone, there was always someone to chat with while I had my coffee or if I needed to share or discuss. I think people miss a lot by not chatting. It has been a wonderful experience for me for the most part and I have enjoyed it and learned a lot about culture and people.

  5. vonMichael

    Hello Rose,

    as I’ve already told you before, I like your writings. So I like your mistakes too. So please don’t give up making mistakes cos I do the same, Michael

  6. macathy

    Rose don’t let someone’s else’s bad manners stop you enjoying chat.There are times we all miss some comments or something in the room ,it’s natural.We should be all ore tolerant to each other I think.see you in chat I hope Rose .

  7. jenna

    Rose, I can never understand anyone coming in to a chat room to argue or be nasty, it’s beyond me.
    A simple thing like you missing a post is no reason for anyone to respond in such an aggressive way, they must have a very short fuse.
    I’m very sorry to hear you were put in that situation.

    1. roseinbloom Post author

      Thank you jenna and I appreciate your understanding. The person does have a short fuse. If I were more saintly, I could understand her pain and be sorry for her, but I am not saintly and I object to being abused that way.

  8. keeper of dreams

    Through my experiences on Sites I find that, if for instance you are in the forefront of any subject, sooner or later there ae misunderstandings.I would hazard a guess the same in the Chat room.
    Point being when conversing face to face with anyone, your discussions include facial expressions,whilst the tone of voice changes with whatever the subject matter maybe………… which can make a great difference to the chat.
    Whilst in the chat room…………or simply computing………… both facial expressions and tone of voice are missing…………hence very often mistakes can occur………..people read things into it that was never intended, or they simply cannot grasp the true meaning.
    I think the best thing is to offer any apolgies for any misunderstandings you might have inadvertantly added to the scenario……………hoping the others in that conversation have the grace to follow suit ………….and all move on…….. regardless of any further ill feeling.
    Life is far too short to harbour ill feelings………rightly or wrongly.

  9. roseinbloom Post author

    Keeper of dreams. The advice is wise, but I did absolutely nothing wrong and cannot apologize for anything. The person berated me without any provocation except what she imagined. I am angry and not ready to encounter this person again.
    If I do something wrong, I am happy to apologize but when I did nothing wrong I would be dishonest to apologize.

  10. vonMichael

    Yes Rose K.o.D. has explained the disadvantages of a chat that can appear very clearly. Has she missed out anything? No I think.
    One point needs to be mentioned; one should never get to close to the other chatters. It is always good to keep the handshake manner ( the aloof manner ) in mind.

    Re to the mistakes you mentioned. None of them appears to my mind spontaneously. Next time I see one I’ll let you know.

  11. keeper of dreams

    Thank you Michael for seeing through my logic………..I believe that gracefully apologising…… even though knowing one is not to blame is a way forward without aggro and upset,usually the other person then follows your lead and all is well.I have found that by being “the bigger person” it wins out every time.
    Whilst I totally agree Michael with your sentiment about keeping a certain distance on these chat shows………..any friendship has to have the time and space to grow.
    I hope that this little misunderstanding is amicably resolved …….for your inner peace of mind Rose.

    1. roseinbloom Post author

      K.O.D. I do agree with you. Just take the high road and apologize, but I was not able to get a word in at all. An update which is sad, the person who acted so aggressively is no longer a member and had many warning before she was banned.
      I am sad that she was banned, but if other chatters spoke up instead of remaining silent, the offensive members would learn more about common courtesy.

  12. Scorpio

    Scorpio here I have read all these comments with great interest and I was saddened to hear of the upsetting incident that happened to you rose in bloom I am with you in not wishing to apologise for an imagined slight but also please don’t let it worry you unduly there are always some rotten apples in a barrell keep on chatting.