Breakups And What We Learned
Who has not been “ITCHING LIKE A MAN IN A FUZZY TREE “, then at HEARTBREAK HOTEL”? Sounds funny, but they are not funny at all. The mating game may be as basic as “the birds and bees’ but we humans think we are supposed to be very rational anyway, or too many of us do. So don’t be too hard on yourself.
Breakups are different for everyone, and can be different every time. You can be dumped or you can be the one that dumps. Outward appearances can be very different from what happened and how each party feels. I do not form attachments quickly or get over them quickly. I have had short relationships that ended in a few days or relationships that ended in months. I have had three that ended after about 20 years, so I know something about breakups.
Even though I, technically ended three long term relationships, my world turned upside down with each of them. I won’t go into all the details, but in one my pain was almost unbearable and went on for years, even though to the outside world, did the breakup. I was doing great and no complaint was heard. I was not fronting, it was that no one could solve my problem and trying to forget was the best way to deal with it. In one, I lost my faith in a person and my ability to trust my own judgement. All three needed to end, but I finally learned that I needed to change myself some, make a better choice, get over my romantic notions, and deal with reality better.
We have all had relationships, and some end in death and those can be heart breaking or as one woman said, “I feel like I have been let out of prison”. In my case I was totally unprepared to make a choice and then the, “You made your bed, lie in it” was expected. Times change and I made changes because women had more options. I am glad for that.
I moved on and if my heart was broken, I still had a life and my integrity. Living with a cheater, may postpone some pain, but how do you ever feel good about yourself or have faith in your future?
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Good Afternoon Rose,
your depiction of breakups seem to be very complicated or more complecated
than they realy were.
Let me put it this way, decisions no matter what kind of will be taken rational or
emotional independent of the gender.
Each decision contains of two sides means you will find some positive in the
negative and vice versa. Regards Michael
Hello Rose, this a toughie and would need hours to analyse……….single people in my opinion are maybe the best ones to answer this blog……. long-time married couples haven’t experienced getting back into the dating scene after divorce or bereavement………..the testing of the waters, the baggage that comes with new relationships…ie…exes, children, maintenance, animosity…….the not wanting to let go of independence, having your own income and making your own decisions, a new sexual relationship….or lack of depending who is looking for what,or indeed who can do what…lol…….. I have a cousin who has been married many years, she tells me she could cope quite well on her own, she really doesn’t have a clue, her and her hubby have been together since teenagers…….. do we learn from broken relationships, we should……but do we…its hard to change, and damn hard to fit in with others who have also become set in their ways
vonMichael, You are a bit funny. I am speaking of my relationships as I lived them. Relationships are emotional for most people. You can tell of your own experience, and speak for yourself. We can surmise, but I don’t think gender is the determinant of rationality or lack of it. I have seen and heard plenty of men go pretty irrational when love goes sour. I am a feeling loving person, and I also am a very rational person for the most part.
Starlette, I agree entirely with you. I just wanted people to get some understanding about breakups and share the experience. We all get giddy and we all get traumatized when it ends. Many long term marriages have had breakups or affairs along the way, but many years late, they tell a different story. I have sisters who had long term marriages but it wasn’t 40 or 50 years of bliss from start to finish.
I think it matters why the breakup happens as to how you deal with it. I had the experience of long term relationship (3 years), which was over as soon as he moved on and I was no longer helpful to him in the work place. He quickly replaced me in his next work environment. I heard later there had been a lady before me and he left my replacement when he moved to USA . Took me a long time to get over him then even longer to accept how he operated a real user, hurt for a long time , but that was probably some degree of ego pain. For a long time I would have gone back to him even with the knowledge of his ways, not now through. I still would like to know he’s OK and doing well, He’s a piece of work but oh so so………….
I understand I have been in a similar breakup with similar feelings. We are supposed to attach and it is hard or impossible to let go. When he died it was an end of some kind.
Oh he’s long gone but he’ll be picking out the best, most useful nurse on his death bed, it’s his nature and he can’t help it.
Whitewaves. I think the best purpose for your sharing is to warn others of these types who are players and/or users but do not commit.