BI-RAD 4b and What Matters

I am dealing with a BI-RAD 4b test result. I am amazed that I have come to grips with this ugly scary thing and realized something very important.

When you realize that your life may be much shorter than expected, the enjoyment of moments gets multiplied proportionately. So, I still hope that I get a better result with further testing, but I am not as sad and miserable as I was when I first got this result. I find myself wanting to make someone smile TODAY. I want to make a difference TODAY, right now, as soon as possible. I want to make something bloom, or I want to cook something special or just make the moments matter for myself and others. I just find I take more joy in the things that matter and all things matter a whole lot more except petty negative stuff.

I find myself turning away from the petty gossipers and the mean-spirited or unfair people and situations. I only have time for the good and happy things. I know that many people have faced a life threatening diagnosis and I wonder how they coped or changed. I had a phase of anger and sadness before an acceptance and some joy kicked in .

It almost feels like I am a special guest here, just visiting and therefore no need to be terribly vested in everything except happiness and joy, but I also need to be pleasant and thoughtful and kind. I still do a lot of what I did but the feelings about it is so much deeper. I have the feeling that whatever time I have will just have to be enough. I am not a believer in an after-life, so I just have acceptance and making this life matter. Some people may react differently than I do.

Why should I have to have a diagnosis to realize what really matters. Honestly, I did not, but the depth and intensity of the realization has mutiplied and magnified. We all know we are mortal, but we forget it and waste a whole lot of time as though we have time to waste. Whatever my diagnosis and prognosis, I hope I can remember to live focused on the people that I can make happier and just forget the thorny difficult people who want to hurt you when you just want to coexist in peace and harmony.

If you are curious, BI-RAD 4b is a cancer test result that may or may not be conclusive, but the test or threat is not as important as the fact that you can have a positive feeling while living with a life threatening situation. It may take a real scare to get a better focus on what really matters.

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Published in Senior Chatters

Comments

  1. PamfromTX

    Rose, all that I can offer you are my prayers and hope that if and when you do have a biopsy… it will be benign. I’m praying for you.

  2. annemarie

    Rose , I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that when you have the boipsy that it will be benign. Keeping postive thoughts is the way to think about your health. Sending you a big hug. ♥

  3. starlette

    Thoughts with you Rose, stay positive……..its such a shame it takes a wake up call like this to make some people appreciate what really matters in life……..I know you have always made the most of your life, and will continue to do so……

  4. Drummer

    Hello Rose, I am so sorry you are having to go through the dark time of not knowing why, or what do following the dreaded report and apart from expressing my sadness for you, I am taking the liberty of passing on to you the experience I had with my first wife – We had been married 25 years when she became epileptic – this we fought really hard and with reasonable success, but then after 2 years
    she received the dreaded Cancer pronouncement with the advice that she probably had 6 months to live. When we discussed things she said that she would like to make a return trip to Britain to say farewell to all her old friends.
    (We had lived in New Zealand about 15 years then) we spoke first with our Doctor who could see no reason she couldn’t travel – and with the minimum of time spent, we booked our fares to London to enjoy the best holiday ever
    and spending as much time as possible with all her old friends and family – the trip lasted about 6 weeks before she said she felt like coming back home again to New Zealand. She fared well for another month and then she
    started to fade. -That trip had brought great pleasure to
    her last months on earth, and I thank God we were able to do it.
    I don’t know if these thoughts will help you, but they may give you something to think about. All I can do is to wish you well and assure you of all the love and support we Chatters can share with you.
    Kind regards and many hugs Drummer

  5. roseinbloom Post author

    Drummer your kind thoughts help a lot. I see that you understand this sort of thing. I am sure the trip back to Brittain meant a lot to your wife and to you who loved her. It means a lot to me that you understand and I appreciate the love and support of you and all the other Senior Chatter people. I share some things here that may help others but I find that sharing them helps me more. You really gladdened my heart and lifted my spirits. Thank you.

  6. Drummer

    Hello again Rose – I am so glad that you appreciate that my comments were sent to you found favour for as you clearly realize they were sent with love- much love and hugs.
    Chin Up – drummer

  7. macathy

    Sorry Rose your going through a hard time while you wait for results,they do take some time .I just want to say that life still goes on and often not in the way you think it might,I got told I had grade three cancer. And we were all very worried especially my husband .he was there through the operation and radiation taking me to each visit.three months after my operation he got sick,I took him to the doctors. He was dead in six weeks .This was not what I thought would be the outcome .Just telling you this Rose so that you can believe there is live after cancer. For lots. Hope your one as well.

    1. roseinbloom Post author

      Starlette, Thank you for your comment and you said a lot in a nutshell. Being positive and it is a shame that we have to get a wake-up, and I have tried to make the most of my life, but I have my befuddled or down, or unfocused episodes, I do have to confess. Some of the time I have a laser-like clarity and now is one of those times.

    2. roseinbloom Post author

      Macathy, thank you for you comments and you always have something wise to add.
      Life is predictable sometimes but other times, the totally unpredictable and horrible or amazing happens. I have a small area of suspicious specks, so hopefully that is all that there is and they will be scooped out and all will be fine. Better yet they are benign. If you had radiation, I just learned that cancer can be caused by radiation therapy and this is what I think has happened to me. No one in my family has ever died from cancer. I had one cousin that got throat cancer, when he was about 70 but he was a smoker and he seems to be cured.

    3. roseinbloom Post author

      Macathy, I am sure you are right. Mac, I hope you are cured now. I had can 25 years ago and missed 3 days work. I will be living now as I did and a disease won’t take over my life. If treatments make me sick, I may not do them. I think my calcification is from the previous radiation therapy. Thank Mac.

    1. roseinbloom Post author

      sylvester, I appreciate that becuase all of us are different, but they want to do a one size fits all diagnosis and treatment plan and I am just not one to rock along unless I am clued in and agree with things. Thank you.

  8. roseinbloom Post author

    Thank you for all the wonderful comments. It is amazing how helpful and uplifting all the messages were. I believe in sharing information, but getting so much kindness and wisdom is much more than I expected. Thanks to each and every one.

  9. keeper of dreams

    I can but add from one that has actually met the dreaded full blown cancer diagnoses more times than I like to mention,living alongside it since 1984………… but still very much alive here telling the tale ………….that alone should give you the platform to firmly stand upon, making good of all your positive thoughts.
    Continuing to uplift you in prayer and sending you every blessing, whilst do remember to count each and every day as a gift,a bonus………..

  10. Peggyebritton

    My dear Rose , I am sure that we were friends a while ago , I am so sorry to hear your news , I will keep you in my thoughts And pray that you will have some better news very soon , you have some lovely friends on chatters ,I am sure will do their best to keep your spirits Up hugs to you my dear Xxx

    1. roseinbloom Post author

      Peggy Britton, we are friends the minute kind thought are sent and received. The technicality is just that. Thank you for your cheering words.

  11. yoopercaregiver

    Hi Rose I am new here on the site. I am a caregiver to my husband who was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease 2 years ago. Its so true what you say about wasting time on silly things. I see other couples our age go for walks and wish that was my husband and I. We take full advantage of his good days and try to get out of the house. I try to keep positive and smile as much as I can. Looks like you have a lot of great friends here. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  12. LouiseAnne

    Hello Rose,
    Even though I don’t know you, I am wishing for good news and good results. I have some major illnesses and I too have found every moment becomes more important, more poignant. Kind regards and all the best, Louise