Attack the Issue, NOT the Person
I have written many blogs and only one person attacked me and they did it in a private message, and it was when I was new to the site. I did not know the person at all and they just took my words and used them in their own life drama. Since that day, I have not been attacked. My blogs are received most graciously and I am grateful. I do want to say though feel free to say anything about what I write, and I even hope that you will be a good critic, but I hope that people will refrain from attacking me or any other person instead of commenting on what is said.
But recently I have seen blogs that seem to be limiting the free expression of ideas and that concerns me. I am caused to wonder if I am considered a “know it all”, or that I “always have to have the last word”. I could be guilty or you could be guilty, but SOMEONE IS GUILTY. if not here, why say it HERE? Call me paranoid, but I may be guilty of that too, but that is my perception.
I hope that I have not ever been guilty of attacking a person and I hope that I never will be. I hope I don’t ATTACK their words but just express my own and we can look at various ideas. I think that is what blogs are all about; putting ideas out and allowing people to sort through them as they choose.
So, I hope we will continue to write any kind of blog and I am not criticizing the choice of others, but I am stating my opinion. I prefer that comments are objective and content focused but I am not thin skinned. I love discussing and may be a “know it all” or one who “gets the last word”. I don’t do it to win or defeat the person, I just like to get all that I think into the discussion. If something is really personal and I don’t want to hear opinions, I don’t get into the discussion at all.
So “hear me for my cause and listen that you may hear”. I am a person who never expects to get or give the last word and I am a person who keeps learning as I go. Honestly, I hope there are a lot more like me, else where would I be?
Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
Very well spoken Rose. Disagreeing agreeably seems to be lost. Then there’s the times when we’re encouraged to be involved more with the site. Then there’s the “get the last word in” issue. Some would rather have all of like mind but I’m sorry unless we’re zombies that’s not possible. I was reminded a while back “this is an international site” which includes all cultures and opinions from all walks of life. It’s impossible to cater to all. That’s what makes SC so unique. We learn from ALL. Thank you for the blog Rose.
Thank you for the blog, Bloom. The blogs you are referring to , of course are the ones I wrote. You see this is your opinion and perspective of what I wrote. Did it keep people from writing on my blog? Not at all . Did you notice how many responded? I honestly have not written anything to censor anyone’s reply. If you feel this way, then it is how you have perceived my words.
I look forward to seeing what others think, even the ones whose replies are sharply pointed at me.
As Seniors, it is good to stimulate the brain, don’t you think? Even if we agree to disagree. 🙂
passaggio, I agree there are people who are “know it alls” appearing to others and there are people who “have to have the last word” appearing to others, and I think the topic needs a discussion BUT your blog seemed to create a felling of judgement and censor. Name calling is never good.
Once again Bloom, this your perspective of my blog. You perception is different from the next person’s who posted on the blog. You have every right to feel the way you do about my Blog. Just as others have their rights as well. Interesting how you thought I was name calling. I respect your opinion, and you should respect mine.
Rose, you wrote it well .
I could not agree more with Jsmile when she reminded us that SC was truly an international site !
Yes, you ought to keep all the windows of your house on the West open, but if you wish that the Sun also enters your apartment, the window opening to the East must also be kept open !
I am reminders of two quotations of Mahatma Gandhi on the subject under discussion :
1] ” Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
and
2 ]“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”
May be the second quotation could have been a better caption for your blog !
Anyway, nice job !
Abhiljaab . I love your comments, but the “Love the sinner, hate the sin” is too generalized for my title. A title should let you know what the subject is and heaven knows, I could not cover all the sins in a blog, so I chose to cover one. Maybe I could have found a more elegant title and I may look for one.
PS: Spelling correction :
I am reminded* of ……With regards to all !
jsmile, thank you for your comment, and the question is how do we encourage people to express themselves without fear. We are different and we are here because we want to learn and share and you make a good point there.
Thank you adhilaaj,
Rose I’m not sure. One thing is that to communicate with passion for the human. I have mentioned many times before if we could separate the topic from the human would be a great start. Often times we tend to judge the person rather than the topic or issue. If I disagree with this or that that in no way means I hate the person. I can (not) like a person’s opinion but can still have a decent respect for them as a human. In my personal experience here the issue is not only the fear of being judged but censored. One in the same I suppose. I personally don’t have that fear but many do. They have to realize their contribution is just as important as anyone’s. I can only imagine the talent and contribution that’s silent here. Speak up and get involved. You never know who just may support your idea or values. I have seen one thing that really is sad and that’s good people leaving or simply don’t some on anymore because someone got their back up and intimidated them to silence. That is a shame among adults let alone seniors. Glad you blogged this Rose.
Jsmile what a laughable contradiction , you constantly have double stds when you attack others and yet come to this blog which apparently was about you n your attacking manner on another blog. What a confused person you are. Lash out at poster paaggio then come here with split personality, and try to sound so right n nice. You are anything but. I dont care what u reply i wont be reading this site bllogs anymore, get a life jsmile ,seems all you do is spend time here, not me.
To many people stick the issue to the person, so the person becomes the issue Rose.
Michael, I believe that you are right in too many cases. I am all my words, but my words don’t add up to a worthy or unworthy person or a person of more value than another. We need most kinds of people. Some are too sensitive, and some are too simple, and some are too complicated. and some talk too much and some talk too little, and on and on. We need to get over ourselves and not only tolerate others but to value the differences.
Rose, thank you for the articulate blog. It speaks to something that has bothered me for quite some time. We seem to have lost the art of intelligent debate. The issues cannot be discussed without character assassination, name calling and degeneration into shouting matches. People seem to feel as though THEY are being attacked when it is the issue. I understand how that happens to a point when it’s an issue that I am particularly passionate about, but I have to stop myself and think it through so that I can argue the subject from an intelligent, informed standpoint. That includes gathering all my references and then stating them. It does not involve any kind of derogatory statement toward the person with whom I am engaged in the debate. I have respect for others and treat them accordingly. That’s what adults are supposed to do — it’s children who don’t know the difference b/t the issue and the person and get into verbal and even physical confrontations b/c of it. And b/c this is why we aren’t “allowed” to discuss some of the most pressing issues of our day on this site… b/c we act like children. I honestly respect people who have a differing opinion when they know what they believe and why. I love when when they have a foundation and they are well informed on a subject. It is exciting to engage in debate with someone like that. I find it to be stimulating to the mind and I appreciate that when it happens… albeit all too rarely. Anyway, thanks for the blog and the forum to speak out on this issue. 🙂
Millie, I fell exactly the same. A good talk, or discussion is rare and a treasure, like discovering unmined gold. The object is to lead the discussion to new insight for both. There should be no winner or loser. If you are convinced you are right you should avoid a discussion and you don’t need one. If there is too much emotion, it is time to stop. Can I always do this? Don’t think so but I want to try harder.
Agreed on all points except this.. avoiding if you’re convinced you’re right. I believe that’s what fuels the passion for the discussion/debate. Naturally you can’t force your opinion on anyone else but it intensifies the discussion and makes it more exciting. Again, we can’t always be as mature as we’d like but the reminder to try harder is a good one 🙂
Mille. you sound like you really enjoy a spirited discussion and if you do, it is fine. I rarely walk away from any chance for a discussion.