All over the place left, right, backwards and straight ahead!!!!

debz August 30, 2012
19 Comments

Since getting back from Ireland I have been non-stop…..

As you know my Step-Father passed away on Sunday……
I never knew there was so much arranging a Funeral so much paperwork and lots of contacting so many people to inform, social services, council tax, work and pensions etc…. of course I have no problem doing this as my Mother is literally in pieces and the caring she did for him has finally caught up with her, today she broke down as it’s so daunting for her and I am exhausted myself, I am leaving work straight round her home to help her, he had so much medical equipment it all has to be collected and a lot from Papworth and Addenbrooks, he had no estate, no money, just a few personal trinkets, I have not spent a night with my son in my home he has been over my Fathers, as arrangements I am making are not the happiest of arrangements at anytime…

Now I am going to have a HUGE moan…well a real arghhhhh moment…….
I am somewhat a normally calm person… but ewwww sometimes I really have to count to 100!!!!!
On the day of his passing, it was back to my Mothers, within an hour after they left, they had taken his IPod , his watch, his slippers and his dressing gown….without asking…
Now whilst I have been helping my Mother with so many arrangements, and the children of my Stepfather wanted nothing to do with the arranging, I have of course been helping her, doing my best as I have never done this before, and there is nothing more infuriating when the ‘daughter’ who doesn’t work, and is collecting unemployment benefits is calling me to enquire about her Fathers ‘tools’ in his shed, and what is happening to them as ‘I need them’,
Complaining because we haven’t booked the place after the funeral at a place where ‘I wanted to go’ let’s see about 150 people will be attending, and at £8.50 a head adding up to approx £1,250 is a lot of money so I have opted for someplace where it will be done a lot cheaper, and a son who lives in London who went back down on the day his Father passed away within the hour, who is a Reverend and then phones me because ‘can we arrange the funeral on a Monday’, as he is busy at work, visiting the sick….and now he wants a double booking at the crematorium, so change of plans once again, and then gets finicky as they both have no car and now they want a limo, when questioned who is paying for all this I’m told well who is???

So far the very basic is already costing £3,000.00
Nooooo way some people need to understand that if you only have a penny to spend a penny is what you should be spending NOT a £1.00..
I am once again learning how people who profess to care really do only care about me, my and mine….
My poor Mother has no idea what is going on behind the scene, and I so needed someplace to vent.. Well I’ve had my grumble and now I feel a lot better….

Thanks all my SC friends!!!!
Debz
xxx

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Responses

  1. Unknown Member August 30, 2012

    Debz I say do it your way. They want to take it over let them….but if they want to do it the costly way then they also pay for it.
    Making preparations for a funeral always seems to bring out the worst in the people who are doing nothing….then they have the cheek to take the credit for it when all goes well.
    Debz dont let all this drive you nuts. You are doing as much as you can in difficult circumstances and you are to be commended for this….xx

  2. waylander August 30, 2012

    I’ve had to do the arrangements twice in the last few years, Debz. I know how stressful it is when people start to make unreasonable demands.

    Hang in there. It does end.

    If you need to have a rant, you go right ahead

  3. Unknown Member August 30, 2012

    Debz Hang in there, and just do what you think is best, some will complain, but stick to your guns and do it, when hubby died, I made arrangements with the help of a dear friend and then let everyone else know what they were, I really didn’t care if they got mad, It was done, and I also did not allow anyone except his sons in his garage or room, that was just me putting my foot down, Please accept my condolonces and I will pray for things to be good for you. ((hugs))

    1. debz August 30, 2012

      Well apparently an axel grinder is urgently needed along with some nails and screws????….I know I have bought a lock and said not today thank you… we’re a little ‘busy’…sigh

      x

  4. Unknown Member August 30, 2012

    Oh debz, rant away my friend, you have done so much over many months doing everything you could. Do it your way debz then let the others know what your arrangements are.
    Gordie has seen relatives carting out the deceased possessions while he was still filling in the death certificate, death does seem to bring out the worst in some people.
    Hang in there debz, you have and are doing a wonderful job and caring for your mother as well, This too will end ((((hugs)))) xxx

  5. Unknown Member August 30, 2012

    Debz…. As it has been said…… death seems to bring out the worst in people. Please do nothing in haste…… breathing is a good thing right now. Supporting your mother and attending to your own needs are at upmost importance. These other siblings can wait, for you my dear… not the other way around. They will fade away quickly, beleive me. Take care and know that you are thought of!!!!!
    ((((((((Hugs)))))))) !!!!!!!

  6. debz August 30, 2012

    Thank you all once again I am truly humbled by the kindness the SC site shows…..

    I thought buying a house was stressfull but this is a stress where I will give anyone the support they need, – I have heard from my Mother the ‘outfit’ by the daughter is a nice Barbie Doll pink!!!!!….how lovely for her ….I have just this evening unpacked my suitcase from Ireland……
    Not normally a drinker I think a glass of wine is in order!!!

    🙂
    x

  8. macathy August 30, 2012

    Well Debz (((((((HUGS))))))) do it your way …and then hand them all part of the bill after its all finished and say ” your dad” give a nice smile and thanks and walk off
    just go get that hug from that wonderful son of yours that will help mac xxxxx

  9. krazykatlady August 31, 2012

    ohh debz..i know what you’re going thru..it’s awful to have all the burden of arranging a funeral ..nobody wants to help,in money or time but sure will put you down for your choices or insist doing it their way…when my mom died i called my brother to let him know..now this is my only sibling..he’s 2 years older..lives a couple hours away and is a pastor..his first word was “what?”..i was having a hard time believing it,too…second thing he says..”can you hold off the funeral till friday?.(my mom died on a monday)..i have things to do till then”…really?..things to do?..well i have things to do too..like finding her funeral clothes and all..my mom was a pack rat..the stuff i had to go thru to find the necessary items..there’s more to this story but i won’t go into it all..but the final thing he did was to steal my mom’s car from me by lying about taking it home and checking it all out (he’s a mechanic,too)..i trusted him..and i never saw the car again..and this wasn’t some big fancy car..just a nice car…yes,funerals sure bring out the nasties in some people..i won’t go to his and i’ve told my hubby not to tell him i’m gone till after the funeral…

    so,dear debz…we are here for you..(((((((HUGS))))))) to you and your son…

    tc xx kat

  12. Unknown Member

    I can only go along with what everybody else says Debz…The most important thing at the moment is your mum and your support of her. To be able to give that support, YOU have to be in good shape. Be firm with the others, You are going to give your stepdad the best send off possible within the limits of finance and everything else. Make the arrangements according to how your mum feels fit or how you think she would. The others,blood relatives or not, can crawl back in along with their demands. Sorry if this seems so blunt Debz, but you are a lovely softie who will aim to please everyone and the very last thing you do not want is to run yourself into the ground which will not help your mum or the rest of your time with your son. Come here anytime you want a rant, but look after yourself, mum and Dean…love Marj Proops x

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