A Question For You
Ladies and Gentlemen….I have another question for you. As you know, I deal with people all the time. Some of you may also know that I have had more than one husband. I call myself a ‘serial monogamist’. I have been thinking about one of those husbands (way in the past, mind you) and here is what I have been thinking about. He was a philanderer. He had relations with other women when he travelled. He didn’t have relations with women that I knew, only ones I didn’t know. The people who worked (and some traveled with him) knew all about his ways. They thought it was funny. I never knew until the end of the relationship. Here is the question…….if your spouse was ‘fooling around’ on you…either in life or online – would you want to know about it? Would you want someone to tell you? Or would you rather stay in the dark?
Please let me know what you think.
Thank you so much.
(Oh, BTW……Bob is doing GREAT!!!!)
So pleased to see that hubby is doing so well Anurri, I have missed you..as for your question I would want to know, in my view ignorance never leads to bliss.
i would want to know…one way or another…
I dont know the answer,but heres one for you. Would you be the one to tell the other person, that there husband is fooling around?
happened to me people tried to tell me but i said they was wrong/people also said i must have known but i never/ so i would not tell a person/ they believe what they want to like i did 🙁
I would want to know, especially in view of health risks. I do not believe in the double standard either. Fidelity or no way…plain and simple.
I would want to know so I could set them free to do it without them being attached to me. It would be hard to tell someone, either the man or woman if their spouse was cheating. You never know how they would react. Some spouses would rather remain married than face what is going on. For me…..Let me know and then let me go.
I agree Linda. Well said.
So very pleased your husband is doing well.xxxx I would want to know, then I could at least make an informed decision…. xxxxx
You can look at this 2x ways,…..funny way,…..i would like to know,….so the 3 of us could sit round the table,and maybe she could give me a few pointers,…on what she “has”!,…..that i dont have,………………..2ndly,serious,……i would like to know,so i could go check myself out at the V.D. clinic……glad to hear about your husband.
LOL. flowersun. Puts things in another perspective.
Ok Sun, you ousted me……..now when are we going to sit round this table of yours……… and get a wriggle on………I have three more tables to sit around. hehe.x
LOL,star,rosein bloom.
It happened to me. My partner had an affair for two years and I had no idea. The other woman eventually contacted me when he finished with her. She took great delight in telling me I’d been ‘too thick’ to know what had been going on…I’d say I’d been too trusting,as I usually was, at that time. They had both thought this was really funny.
A friend of the ‘other woman’ happened to be a close friend of mine, she’d tried to tell me what was happening, but I couldn’t believe it and I lost a good friend. .. What was this ‘other woman’ like? The opposite of me. Did it hurt? Yes, like hell. I still have issues about trusting people.
A decision to involve yourself in someone’s life is a very serious one. First have your facts straight. Second, consider the end result. Third, do you want to take responsibility for the end result.
Yes, I would want to know so I could kick him out…don’t tolerate mistrust at all.
Hey i’m no mushroom, wouldn’t want to be kept in the dark and fed b……t……..I would most certainly want to know……..think that the biggest humiliation would be others knowing before you…….as for telling someone they were being cheated on………would depend on how close they were to me, and how well they knew me to believe I was telling the truth…….but having said that, some people would rather stay blinkered……….if they choose to not acknowledge there is a problem, then they do not have to act upon it……..short term solution……..long term worry.
Great question Anurri. I too , would want to know. Whether it be a relationship that is online or in person, cheating is cheating!! I wonder what the men on the site think?
My advice to a strong women
A terrible situation you are in I can imagine. But in fact you could solve the problem your way. Get him jealous on you, just turn the table. Use the soft side of a man for your advantage.
On his side of the headboard of your beds you marke in strokes say the number 7 on the wallpaper.
On your side you mark the number 11for example.
The answer to his question what that means tell him like this: Darling I am afraid to say but I do assess important things in the last time. So on your side you see your dates and on my side
I see mine. Don’t worry about his reaction.
Is he fooling around why shouldn’t you do also? With whom well that’s up to you that’s up to
your taste.
Anurri, of course I’d want to know.. I only want real in my life, no pretense, and that goes for cyber as well. As devastating as it would be to hear, living in a fantasy would do me no good at all. As far as telling someone, I would be sure it was true before doing so but yes, I think we are responsible for telling the truth for many reasons, not the least of them being health. We are not responsible for what people do with the truth.. just our part in it. And realize that you very likely will lose that friend.. not always tho.. they just may see you as the only one they truly can trust when all is said and done.
I don’t think two wrongs make a right. So would not be interested in trying to show them how it feels. I would want to be informed so I have time to find a nice black dress, get my hair done, maybe buy extra life insurance in his name and be ready for his unexpected funeral. Oops… this comment may cost me a few male friends. It is not always just women who are cheated on, men have the same concerns about infidelity.
Now i know, my opinion on this, will be taken with a pinch of salt, as most on here regard me as one of the biggest flirts online, but that, is where it stops, there IS a difference !. As long as you have boundarys, and don’t cross over them, a bit of light-hearted banter does certain people of both sexes the world of good. I, for one, love my wife dearly, and would never do anything to jeopardize that, but i do like and enjoy a laugh, as most of you will know, but that’s it, a laugh. If ever i caught the slightest hint of anything going on with my better half, i’d just up and go, no second chances, no ‘Let’s give things another go’. My friends and relatives have a nickname for me, ‘Sherlock’, so i’d like to think i would have come to some conclusions way before anyone had the chance to tittle-tattle some gossip anyway. Wish you well Anurri.
have to answer this posty cant help myself, for what it,s worth, flirting with another can cause great pain to a wife if she finds out , because that to her means he is looking at another in a way that he shouldn,t, if a man must flirt, then flirt with one,s partner or wife, make her see he still has the capacity to flirt with her and make her feel like the most important woman in the world instead of others he may be flirting with.outside the home.
For what it’s worth Lani, that’s what attracted my now wife to me in the first place, my flirting with her. She knew then that I was an insatiable flirt, and she knows now, (not that I need to explain this to anyone). She trusts me, because she knows it would never go any further, ever. I flirt just as much with her now as I’ve ever done, so maybe now you can see just why 90% of these replies are from women, and hardly any men, if this is the grilling they get !.
just saw the photo of your beautiful wife, you are a very lucky man, I do hope you take her flowers every week,not a grilling petal , just a womens point of view in answer to a blog , sorry if i pressed the wrong button ha ha ,she is absolutely georgeous look at those lovely brown eyes.x
Not quite sure just where your eyes are looking Lani, as a photograph of my wife has NEVER appeared on this site, or anywhere else come to that, and brown eyes ?, ohhh, i don’t think so. Do wish people would get their facts right !!
Well , how interesting it’s this response ! You are adamant here at saying that at the slightest hint of anything going on with your wife ,you would up and go, no second chance !
And yet you admit being one of the biggest flirts on line …I wonder what kind of boundaries you set yourself , and have you ever given a thought at how and /or if your your behavior is affecting your wife’s self esteem ? ( it seems to be doing great for your own ego ) .
If your wife was flirting either on line or in real life ,how would you know she didn’t cross the boundary ?
And also , does your wife flirt with other men either on line or real life ? If so how do you feel about it ? And if she doesn’t how would you feel if she did ?
Ohhhhh, I just give up. You try to be honest, and this is what you get back in return. I explained everything in my initial post, but I see one or two are just using it as a perfect opportunity to ‘have a go’. Knock yourselves out ladies.
you sensitive little soul, petal,if you dont want the ladies to give an opinion ,my suggestion dont write or answer blogs , not personal just our right of reply, ladies do have aright of reply these days, we are living in the 21st century , ha ha don,t give up i will have no one to beat up ha ha ha .xx
Not need to get upset , I’m quiet happy with the response you’ve given lani…I’m not having a go at you ,I was ,still am genuinely interested in seeing your point of you if you were on the other side…still didn’t answer my question though …but you don’t have to . You said that your wife knows of your flirting and that she trusts you …well that’s all you need really !… I’ve never spoken to you before ,so I don’t know you ,I was giving my opinion on what you’ve written …I hope you understand that !
Postie,you are a harmless flirt,….as am i,as you say we do not have to explain to any one!!!!,…if your wife knows that you flirt with me,then that is ok,……you are a good laugh,and i luv ya to bits,……….i have never engaged in any approriate behaviour with you,and you never have with me,….that is why you are my friend,you are a TRUE GENT,…….by the way i have ran out of grapes!,…tee hee,.((((hugs)))))…………….
meant to read…..disappropriate behaviour,….LOL,……..well i do work 7 days a week,….
I can not believe i got it wrong again,LOL,……………………INAPPROPRIATE,behaviour ,hahaha,xxx
First I don’t share my man. Of course I would like to know. I don’t dismiss any rumours, there’s no smoke without fire. We women have a way of finding out. lol. I’ll find out who it would be, then nip it in the bud first. If it doesn’t work I’ll make him chose…………me or her. If it’s her he’ll have to go. Leave with nothing only what he got on his back. Glad to know you Anurri and Bob are doing well. Cheers xxx
you are the devil women
I have been here, and even though it hurts like all hell, I would choose to know. No, I dont agree with tit for tat – that only causes more agony, anguish, and hurt. Would I tell someone, yes if I was absolutely certain, I would tell him/her – it is always up to them to believe it; but then I in good conscience have done what I could to minimize the hurt for that person. Telling the person’s spouse they are cheating…that is a hard question to answer – in most cases I would say no. The real ramifications of this are the lifelong trust issues that someone can develop.
There’s an old saying that goes “What you don’t know can’t hurt you” It’s wrong!
What you don’t know can kill you, be that emotionally or literally.
So yes! I’d want to know.
this is a big question , I would want to know but i would handle it a little differently i suppose , I would ask a male friend to dinner and ask my partners friend to dinner without either of them knowing why? I would be out the door and leave her to see how uncaring and unkind and unfaithfulll he is, head held high with the male friend i had invited to dinner and leave them too it., leave him to wondering if it was me instead of him that was philandering for the rest of his life.
LOL I like ya style, lani 😀
Lani…. you are killin’ me. 😆
Hi
I would like to know because I want to be able to make decisions about my own life. Either I don’t care what he is doing or I care and confront him about it and after that make the decision about what I want. If I don’t know then he is deciding for me.
Tiina
Well put Tiina
Yes I would have wanted to know if my husband was cheating on meand we were married for 33 when he passed away.
I would never ever want to know because the fact that he cheats on me with people he suspects I shall never know , is evidence that he is trying to protect me from emotional trauma that comes with knowing that he is cheating on me. Besides that, he has the capacity to walk out of my life if he nolonger loves me.
And I would never tell my friend that her spouse is cheating on her because it is her husband’s responsibility to open up to his wife and say,’hey honey, for reason so and so I am seeing other ladies’. This is because if I tell this friend of mine I must be responsible enough to offer the emotional and other support depending on the outcome of my ‘being the bearer of bad news’.If their marriege ended in divorce because of my big mouth and a small mind, I would live to regret the decision I made and would at the same time lose my friendship with my friend.Couples should be left to play their marriege game with no external influences. This is my view and would never trade for anything else.
I’d definately want to know.
Hi anurri. I have to admit, I am curious why you ask. Upon our replies, are you thinking on any action? If so, then you might need advice on what to do.
But if you are just curious what we would do, then thats okay 🙂
Yes, of course I would want to know about it, but it might cause a huge upset with the person who told me. Id rather it be my own radar that alerted me, or receive an anonymous tip off so I could check it out myself.
Being ignorant about a partners actions, is betrayal which you have no idea of, and unable to do anything about.
Knowing about it, I could chose which way to handle it.
I find it interesting that only 3 men have posted on this…. I wonder why?
Good point passaggio, I would like to see more of the guys responding to the blogs…..a mans point of view would be refreshing.
You could take a look at the ‘shouting down’ I received Pass and Star when I dared to put my thoughts down on a womans blog. Maybe more men havn’t answered because they don’t live such squeaky clean, angelic lives, and they suspected this may happen if they’d dared say what they’d like. Refreshing Star ?, more like sheer suicide, never again, hahaaaa
‘Nothing clears up a case so much as stating it to another person.’
Sherlock Holmes Quote
I have been in that position and I bless the person who told me , who wants to live in a fools paradise, not me, betrayel is a dreadfull feeling ,and the worst thing is the fact that some boast about what they are doing to that third person ,saying she doesn,t know. and relaying excuses as to why he had to do it . ha ha ha .fly away and leave them to their dirty dealings.hold your head high because people who cheat are insignificant creeps who usually end up being lonely old men(usually) with nothing in their lives, but their own ego,s.
lolololol lani ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
For me honesty and commitment in a relationship it’s a BIG DEAL ! I would be devastated if the person I love cheated on me …would I want to know ? Yes! Preferably from his own mouth !
Would I tell ? It all depends …if I was 100 % sure and it affected someone I love I may …but then again how can we be 100% certain ? This is a tough question !
Cheating be it on line or real life are equally unacceptable and hurtful in my books !
When it comes to LOVE I’m a “Totalitarian “…that may explain why I’m still single 🙂
well said Norma ha ha xxxx.
So thanks folks! I really appreciate your comments. I want to hear more comments, but I want to clarify why I asked these questions- My husband 20 plus years ago was an A_______ . He was the one who ‘fooled around’ with other women. His co-workers knew it and didn’t tell me. No one told me. I found out on my own. I also found out he had lied about being in Viet Nam. But that is another story. As soon as I found out about his adultery, I divorced him. It was devastating. To be lied to so long was horrible, to feel such a fool was a very difficult to learn.
Recently I have been thinking about the choices I made back then, and what I should have done differently. I have asked a couple of other questions here and really appreciated the candor. I was curious as to your opinions.
My answers to these questions, should you ask me are: Yes, I would want to know. I would want someone to care enough about me to tell me the truth. I will ALWAYS choose truth over lies. AND I would tell someone else if their spouse was cheating ’cause….well, see above.
Try not to get weighed down by the ‘should have done’, which cant be changed. There is not one person on this earth that has not made a misjudgement in life. It hurts, yes, but the only one who still hurtis, is the one who continues to carry it around. Then he has won. Im not saying its a competition, but its up to us to get rid of our skeletons. ((((hugs))))
To me cheating on your partner is doing or interacting with someone be that online or off that you wouldn’t do in front of your partner.