Medical Humor

There is a little medical humor. Brought you by the soap opera “Daze of our Hives” now showing in the group Smile you are on Celebration Camera. Do drop by to see what is happening in SC Hospital! You may be a patient!

An Alternative Medical Dictionary:
[Submitted by Nigel Morris]
1.Artery – The study of paintings.
2.Barium – What Doctors do when patients die.
3.Caesarean Section – A neighbourhood in Rome.
4.Cauterize – Made eye contact with her.
5.Colic – A sheep dog.
6.Dilate – To live long.
7.Enema – Not a friend.
8.Fibula – A small lie.
9.Genital – Not a Jew.
10.Impotent – Distinguished, well known.
11.Labour Pain – Getting hurt at work.
12.Morbid – A higher offer. 13.Nitrates – Cheaper than day rates.
14.Node – Was aware of.
15.Outpatient – A person who has fainted.
16.Post Operative – Letter carrier.
17.Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery.
18.Seizure – Roman Emperor.
19.Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport.
20.Urine – Opposite of ‘you’re out’.

A Good Medical Joke
While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took some X-rays of a trauma patient and took the results to the senior radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis.
‘What on earth happened to this patient?’ he asked in astonishment.
‘He fell out of a tree,’ according to the report.
The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree.
‘I’m not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Mark’s Expert Tree Pruning Service.’
Gazing intently at the X-rays, the radiologist blinked and said, ‘Cross out ‘expert.’

Did you hear why Cyclops had to close his school?
He only had one pupil.

From Bad to Worse
Doctor Henderson spoke very seriously to Old Terry, ‘I’m afraid I have some bad news and some worse news for you, Terry.’
‘Tell me the worse news first, please, Doc,’ mumbled Old Terry.
‘You’ve got cancer and have only 3 months to live,’ replied Doctor Henderson quietly.
‘What’s the bad news?’ asked Terry after a short while.
‘You’ve also got Alzheimer’s disease,’ said Doctor Henderson.
‘Thank the Lord,’ muttered Old Terry, ‘For a moment there I thought I had cancer.’

Some Benefits of Alzheimer’s Disease
You never watch repeats on television.
You are always meeting new people.
You don’t have to remember the complaints of your spouse.
You can hide your own Easter eggs.
Mysteries are always interesting.