An Imaginary Piece.
Today I fight back tears, they come from somewhere deep inside….I have the logical reasons for them….past events….sad memories..a longing to go back in time and look once more at those I love before they were gone.
So I have given into the need to sit and write these words even though I have as yet no knowledge of what they might be, or even if I will let them be seen, but I shall know soon enough and so will you.
I need to feel once more the warmth as I am held by the safest of arms, to feel your gentle lips against my cheek, a hand running through my hair, then twisting it up on top of my head , seeing that wonderfully mischievous smile as it tumbled down again…..again and again you would do this, tangling my hair into such a mess. Your eyes would capture mine and hold them fast. They were the mirror of my truth. They dissolved my self doubts and challenged my self judgements.
I need to feel you hold me in your arms one more time, just once would be all I would ask for, to feel that passion, that depth of love that took us to such heights, whether it be in times of intimacy or a simple time spent together reading or walking along the path to our home. Your hand holding mine, the way you used to rub your thumb over mine as we walked.
I miss the way you would stop suddenly , laughing and then gently guide me to a smile, that special smile that told me of a time to come……my breath would catch and then also tears would form, but these tears came from a joy never known to me before. I miss feeling your soft fingers brush them away and then you would lick your fingers and make that silly face as my tears would then turn to laughter.
I want just one more time to watch you as you worked on your paintings. Concentration etched on your face as you would pace up and down looking at the easel, stopping suddenly and then with one last stroke with your brush, your face would soften and become so very still. You would wrap your arms around yourself as if to hold in the feeling of accomplishment. Sometimes you turned and would catch me watching you, then blushing and become so busy in gathering up paints and rags that would be littering the floor and surfaces. Then you would pull me into your arms gathering me up so effortlessly and carrying me over to show me your latest creation.
Did you know that I knew how scared you were? Scared that I would not like what you showed me, I did….I could feel it in the trembling of your hands in mine as I would look at your painting….I could feel your eyes searching my face for any sign of false praise. Then I would feel the relief when you could see the reflection in my eyes at the pleasure your work brought to me, and how proud i was of you as a person , then you would see..then you would feel also…..just much you were loved by me….I miss you and I want just one more time to remember, I know now why I have these tears…I am so scared I will forget…
Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
How beautiful Cat. Thank you.
Wow !! where did all that come from !! Just awesome ! x
You can reduce me to tears with your words – beautiful Cat – awesome indeed ((((((hugs)))))))) Lina xxx
What a beautiful testimony to a relationship of truth and shared intimacy with a soul mate..You obviously were one of the. Lucky ones who found your soul mate. Treasure that and all those special times of often unspoken love. Thanks for sharing and giving us a glimpse into those memories held so deep in your private space in your heart..Don,t be lonely in there. X x
Cat, this love, such a precious love, only happens once in a lifetime,its intransient, too precious to last forever,,it doesnt happen to everyone just a fortunate few, and no ammount of wishing can ever bring it back once it has gone. but one can live in the knowledge that it was real and a piece of one,s heart will be ever more locked into that love and no-one can ever take it away or replace it ,we can have other loves , but that one precious once ina lifetime, can never be repeated with anyone else..I t is not imaginary , Cat, it can and does happen to many. and bless those it does happen too.xxxx.
This brought tears to my eyes,but it also brought joy to my heart to learn about the profound memories that are deep seated in your heart,((((hugs))))
Cat, this is really beautiful and made tears come to my eyes . Thank you for sharing this with us.xxxx
Beautifully done, you were able to share special moments in your life. If you see these scenes as lovely a you wrote, they will be there for you forever. How blessed to have those memories and the experience.
Cat, absolutely beautiful . I agree with Linda. How blessed you are to have such wonderful memories. I feel they will be etched in your soul forever. Thank you for sharing with us all. xo
Cat what a beautiful blog, it bought tears to my eyes. Memories such as those will never be forgotten. Thank you for sharing xxx
Beautiful Cat and as others have said you have wonderful memories to last your lifetime. This made me wish for the love and warmth you described – it has been so very long since I felt a comforting arm around me and that so wonderful intimacy. Thank you for sharing this xox
Well thank you everyone, but I have to say that as the title suggest it is all made up, but that means that I have truly conveyed emotion to those that read it, then that’s the best compliment I could get. I love to write but this is the first time I have posted on here.
I know that the emotion of ‘love’ I draw from my own marriage, one that is truly as blessed as the one I made up in the blog.
I am so pleased that you enjoyed it , maybe I will be brave enough to post more now..:)
Please do post more – you have a special gift for portraying emotion – not an easy thing to do…. xxxx
I was going to say you need to let go and get about the business of living. Whether real or make-believe, one needs to let go. and go forward. We have to let go of the bad and let go of the good and who know what will be next, but we need to proceed with the rest of our life.
There is no genre in the Arts that truly paints a picture of our deepest hidden emotions then the written word. Keep painting.
These were such beautiful memories of a loved one….all dealing with touch. Don’t forget to hug your loved ones, touch a cheek, smooth back a grandchild’s hair. Lawyers have made us fear the simplest of touches….and they are so healing…..and so needed by us all.