THIS KIND OF STUFF HAS GOT TO STOP!

We Must Stop This Immediately!This Kind of Stuff Has Got To Stop In Our Country

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street has become! This extension work was apparently done at night!! Very sneaky stuff. And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the youngsters. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.

On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day, and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognize me.This cannot be me

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection…….. Well, REALLY NOW – even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 32 pair of pants a 42, or medium shirt as ‘extra large’? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and neck?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually “believe” the number I see on that dial? Heck! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they’re fooling? I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on — but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused my computer’s regular fonts to be smaller than they once were. (They must be sneaking to my house and messing around with my computer. Probably CIA….!!!) Pretty scary stuff huh?

Not So Much a Short Story – More a Poem

Amusing Observations on Growing Older

Your kids are becoming you…and you don’t like them

…but your grandchildren are perfect.

Going out is good.

Coming home is better.

When people say you look “Great”…

they add “for your age”.

When you needed the discount you paid full price.

Now you get discounts on everything …

movies, hotels, flights, but you’re too tired to use them.

You forget names … but it’s OK

because other people forgot

they even knew you!

The 5 pounds you wanted to lose

is now 15 and you have a better chance

of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

You realise you’re never going

to be really good at anything … especially golf.

Your husband is counting on you

to remember things you don’t remember.

The things you used to care to do,

you no longer care to do,

but you really do care that you

don’t care to do them anymore.

Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair

with the TV blaring than he does in bed.

It’s called his “pre-sleep”.

Remember when your mother said

“Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident”?

Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

You used to say,

“I hope my kids GET married …”

Now, “I hope they STAY married!”

You miss the days when everything worked

with just an “ON” and “OFF””switch..

When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem …

were unheard of, and a mouse was something

that made you climb on a table.

You used to use more 4 letter words …

“what?”…”when?”

Now that you can afford

expensive jewellery, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

Your husband has a night out with the guys

but he’s home by 9:00 pm …next week it will be 8:30 pm

You read 100 pages into a book before you realise you’ve read it.

Notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Everybody whispers.

Now that your husband has retired …

you’d give anything if he’d find a job.

You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ….

2 of which you will never wear.

But old is good in some things:

old songs

old movies

And best of all OLD FRIENDS.

Love you, “OLD FRIEND”.

Send this on to other “Old Friends” and

let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!!

Author unknown