YOU SHOULD READ THIS ..
MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Remember love is the richest of all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is everything. Love never perishes , even if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love.
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Oh what a lovely story and sad, sob sob. Life is short and never forget to let your husband/wife know that you love him/her. Without love life is empty. cheers shadow xxx
Hello cinta :). Thank you for your reply. I totally with you ” Without love life is empty”. 🙂
It is so common for partners to take each other for granted, when living together becomes a habit rather than a life. Thats the start of when things go wrong. Laugher turns into tears, happy times turn into sad times, caring turns into blaming, talking turnes into shouting.
Buried deep beneath all that, almost forgotten, there remains a small piece of love. But if only one is willing to dig it up, it wont work. It takes both to dig it up again.
You have put it in a nut shell PollyPie. Thank you for your reply to the blog. 🙂
Wonderful blog shads, My favourite person in all the world is my hubby (sorry charlie) we live, work and play together, after nearly 40 years he said to me recently, he loved me more now than ever, i feel the same way, we treat each other as interesting individuals with always something more to discover and never take anything for granted. I wish you all happy marriages xxxx
I know how much you love Charlie skippy and i hope you both have many more years together. I think you know that i lost my husband very suddenly..no warning, no illness…gone like the wind. I look back on our years together and sometimes i find myself laughing at certain expression’s he use to come out with…they drove me crazy at the time but i never told him to change the record! I am so very glad i kept my mouth shut ( for a change!) becouse now, whenever i heard them i feel him so close to me that i look round expecting to see him…stupid i know…like all married couple’s we had our fights..we also had lots of love and laughter…and i KNOW love is the richest of all treasures, now he has gone…i KNOW it always will be. Thank you skippy in replying to my blog. 🙂
(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) shads xxx
I have read this lots of times before shads and each time it makes me cry…it is true in every relationship…husband, wife, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, grandparents, and lastly friends…we all take it for granted we are always goin to be there and life will go on…what we should be doin is tryin as hard as we did in the beginnin right from the first word, touch, hug, kiss, etc to keep the relationship alive, and care for each other as if it was all we had…tomorrow is not promised to anyone of us, so make the most of what we have with each other now…love you shads and appreciate your friendship very much hun xx 🙂 🙂
Thanks poll. You are so right and my reply to skippy’s post says it all for me so i wont repeat myself. Love is a four letter word but it’s the strongest word i have ever come across becouse without love we have nothing…its a bridge that winds round our relationships, whether they be friend, son’s, daughters, mother’s, brother’s, sisters and so on. I know i cant speak for some of these relation’s and you know why!…But i see how people interact with each other and sometimes, what i see makes me cry, then i look another way and i see LOVE …so when ever i can get out, i look for the love in people that this sad, sad world needs so badly. Sorry Polls…never get me started on love…in fact..dont get me started on anything…lol think i will finish off in shout hahaa! I have few friends..my choice..you are one of them but i wont name the other’s becouse THEY know who they are. love you too polls and your frienship to me is top of the range! 🙂 🙂 xx
hi shadow, never have I been moved so much by a story, never ceases to amaze me what some partners do by taking each other for granted, Secrets can destroy lives, lies do also,avoiding real issues instead of calmly working things out together , it is a partnership after all, marriage, or a committed relationship, honesty above all is parramount, but the most important one of all is LOVE because it can surrmount any obstacle, An ( I love you at the end of each hard days work) A single rose as an expression of love is unforgettable,just the thought that rose was given in love and thoughtfulness.makes A woman feel treasured. I was brought to tears by your story shadow and resolve myself that if the day ever comes when I am respected and loved that much I will give my heart once again.thank you shadow xxxxxxx
Oh lani. What you said was truely lovely and i couldn’t agree with you more. I honestly dont know how to reply to you? you have said it so much better than i could ever express . I’m not a gal that is good with words, it’s all in my heart but i find typing them very difficult, so what you said you have truely blest me and i have no doubt your words have blessed others. Thank you lani. 🙂 x
powerful story shads and one everyone should take notice of.
I so agree with you my old friend. Not old in years..old in friendship S/C friendship. Thanks JCB :)…that doesnt make sense…its staying i cant be bothered to delete it lol.
Wonderful story shads and it also brought a tear to my eyes. I thought I had that love but it was not meant to be. Maybe there is still time to find that real true love – I hope so. Love fy2 xoxox
I also hope you find real love forever. I cant imagine, or even feel what it must be like to have someone and there’s no love there. I have always believed in dreams forever…most times they have turned out to be nightmare’s, but i was born with a stubborn streak and i will never, ever give up. Dont you either forever? i am sure you will know love one day…i believe that…so must you. Remember that old song…follow that dream wherever that dream my lead? Sorry..never could sing lol. 🙂 xxx
Thank you shads and perhaps one day we will both find it – take care dear friend xoxox
Shadow, so touching and sad — and wise. Always remember the love, yes. Thank you for sharing this timeless reminder. Bright Blessings, Faerie
What a lovely story Shadow. I lost the love of my life recently. What we had together was so special and I miss it so much now he is no longer here to share each day with me. There are some people who never really know true love and I feel so sorry for them as “love” is the most wonderful feeling.
I have seen this before and it is a good reminder than none of us know what tomorrow will bring or even if we will be around to see it….I have been married for 47 years, we have had nine children, eight surviving…I think what makes it work so easily for us is that we have never tried to change each other, not even those little ‘quirks’ that can annoy, as without those quirks we are not the same people…..the only changes we have wanted for each other are the changes we have wanted as individuals I.
We have never been a ‘joined at the hip’ couple, we have some different likes and dislikes, we respect each other’s individualities.I have my friends, he has his friends and we have our friends……..doing different things means we always have something fresh to bring into our relationship…for me the key is….I am responsible for my happiness , he is responsible for his happiness… we do not hold each other responsible for each other’s happiness, what a burden that would be…. so together we are very happy…we let each other know in the simplest of ways what we feel for each other..a touch on the shoulder as he passes me by, a whispered’ hello sexy’ makes me feel like a queen…and when I look into the mirror and see the signs of time on my face I only have to look into his eyes to see how he sees me. I am still the beautiful girl he fell in love with and still loves..I think when we get older people think they don’t have to try as hard anymore, they stop bothering to remember that deep love they had and by forgetting it will wither and die like any beautiful flower that is not tended too with gentle hands..he really is the love of my life, he is the breath I take, the reason I smile every day, the reason I have known the heights of joy and shared grief and loss with him. So when a spouse get’s annoying, just take a moment and remember the experiences you have shared, remember all those good times and tell them what you are remembering….the annoyance will go away and the memories of those times will take its place…..