WHY WOMEN ARE CRABBY

October 8, 2011
34 Comments

We start to ‘bud’ in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came into contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears.So came the ridiculous uncomfortable training bra contraption that boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early mid teens (or sooner).Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn’t know we even had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils ( If he did it right and didn’t end up with his little cart before the horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about….

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live off dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn’t spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course amazing creatures that we are ( and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary’s baby.

Once our flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee’d our pants every time we sneezed.When the big moment arrived, the dam in the nether regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, “Please stop screaming Mrs Hearmeroar.Calm down and push ‘just one more good push’ ( More like 10 ), warranting a strong well deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom- headed 10 pound ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that ‘cute’ wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their ‘Teen Years’ need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in the early 40’s while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: ‘The Menopause,’ the Grandmother of all womanhood it’s either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned ‘buds’ or aforementioned Nether Regions, or,sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy,INCLUDING the icing on life’s cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks….

So, while I love being a woman,’Womanhood’ would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby.You think women are the ‘weaker sex?’ Yeah Right bite me!

Good friends are are the rare jewels of life…

Difficult to find and impossible to replace!

Have a great day today, friend, and a better tomorrow!

Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
Categories: Senior Chatters

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Responses

  3. angela-2 October 8, 2011

    There was once a very funny episode of the Bill Cosby Show where all the men in the family were pregnant instead of the women. It was hysterical and proves what you’ve just said.

  7. Unknown Member

    Now what about this male menopause? Does it really exist? Apart from splashing out on sport cars, combing over what little hair they have, keep saying “cool”, downloading obscure rap “artists” and, the worse of all, thinking that their daughters friends secretly fancy them, is it a “time of life”?. Two sayings spring to mind “Men are just little boys in long trousers” and “Takes all night with what he used to do all night!!!”

  8. Unknown Member October 8, 2011

    Well Tania that brought tears to my eyes with laughter and also the thought of all that pain. Truer words couldn’t have been spoken…Yes a man next time round is looking good Marjie lol.

  9. foreveryoung2 October 8, 2011

    Ann this is brilliant – tells it exactly like it is. Boy am I glad that I’ve gone through it all, but old age aint too good !!!!!! I’ve still got my good sense of humour though!!!!:)

  15. Unknown Member February 20, 2013

    Haahahahha ann, how true is that, remember at the wanting to punch hubby and the doctor stage thinking My God, how do women live through this one lol and then went back and did it all again hehehhe. Great blog ann, enjoyed it xxx

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