The Wooly Booger

She had married quite young, and found herself trapped in an abusive relationship. Whenever he felt put upon by the world he would get drunk and come home and beat her. As the years passed he was drunk more often than not. Because she loved him, she stuck it out. Year after year.

One night while he was out a storm rolled in. She grew concerned about his driving in such weather, especially in his obvious condition. So she decided to go out and find him, and bring him home safely. She searched every bar she found, but no sign of him. She was wet, cold, and tired. Told herself that she would stop at the next bar and have a drink. Just to warm up.

It was a small, quiet barroom. Only one man (not her husband) sat at the bar, nursing his drink. She sat several stools away and wearily ordered her drink. Then she noticed the strange ball of fur laying beside the man’s arm. Her curiosity got the better of her and she meekly asked him what it was

“Wooly Booger, ma’am.”
“Wooly Booger? What does it do?”
” Eats things, ma’am.”

Then, to demonstrate, he bellowed out, “Wooly Booger, Chair!” And the ball of fur jumped off the bar, went to the nearest chair, and devoured it. Not so much as a splinter remained.

“Oh, let me try. Wooly Booger, chair.” Nothing happened.
“Ma’am, it only responds to a man’s forceful voice. Wooly Booger, Table!” And again the fur ball jumped into action and demolished the table.

She was amazed. She begged the man to let her borrow the wooly booger. He was perplexed, because the woman’s voice was too soft. But he finally gave in to her pleading. With the promise to return it to him the next evening, she lovingly carried it to her car. Upon arriving at home, she gently carried it upstairs and laid it on her husband’s pillow. Then she got ready for bed herself.

A couple hours later she was awakened to the noises of her husband as he crashed and banged up the stairs to their bedroom. He was drunker and meaner than ever as he slammed open the door. His eye fell upon the furball and he boomed out, “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?”

“It’s a Wooly Booger, dear.”

“WOOLY BOOGER, MY ASS!”