My Visit to the Dentist

I would like to share with you my recent visit to the dentist a few days ago,it was as I recalled later extraordinary.I had been psyching myself up for weeks prior to this visit as the offending tooth was beyond repair and it had to come out.The appointment was with a local community health centre,I arrived early and spent some time aimlessly walking around the carpark until I was called.Both the dentist and his assistant were Indian(no prejudice),he looked like a ruffian and she was all of four and a half feet tall.There were no stupid greetings like “Hello how are you ?”, good I thought,they`re in the same dour mood as myself.I gave my surname and it was straight to business with much tapping of computer keys and eventually a comment “are we going to pull your tooth out ?”,I said to myself,jeez I have to make a decision now so I decided to man up and say yes.Take a seat he says but there are no seats except his work couch,into which I gingerly lower myself,he then elevates it up and flattens it so that I`m laying down with a spotlight shining in my face.Lets have a look says he as he dons a pair of rubber gloves and inserts an index finger and mirror into my mouth,hmmmmm I hear and a word to his assistant in a language I don’t recognise.The assistant quickly produces a syringe I swear was 12 “ long,all of which I`m sure disappeared into my mouth.Good I says,thats the worse part over and done with,he disappears for about 5 minutes and returns wearing a face mask and eye shields and he`s changed his rubber gloves,jeeez I says,what did you see in there.In a trembling state by now I`m hoping and hoping the anaesthetic has done its job,he again inserts said index finger in mouth and a mirrow and looks again.Soft muttering between him and his assistant in a mixture of English and Indian produces a shiney pair of tongs,pliers or some such thing.With a frenzied look about him and me wide eyed the implement disappears into my mouth,I want to yell out please give me a pair of sunnies that fit and which I can`t see out of.But I know that in 5 minutes time I`ll be out of there,after much tugging,twisting and pulling he says ahhhhh and places the implement on his tray,he says well I`ve got the tooth but the root has broken off.Oh jeeez I says,what now!,soft muttering between the two of them has much opening of drawers and the rustle of sterile packs being opened,oh mate,that looks like a skewer but it wasn’t,it was a mini shovel as I could tell the way he used it.More muttering and opening of drawers and rustling of packs over the next 10 minutes produced more skewers,short ones, long ones, thin ones and thick ones,bloody hell I`ll need a jaw transplant after this.The drill comes out,I have to drill a hole he says,I have no grip,I now have a drill ,finger and suction hose in my mouth,how do you feel ?he says.What can I say?,this blokes on a mission,if I could understand Indian I`m sure I would have heard some choice words.More muttering and opening of drawers and cabinets and rustling of packs to reveal shiney tongs,I kid you not 6 different tongs were produced ranging from the plumber type to the jewellers type.He takes a stance on the floor,feet apart and shuffles into position,he`s on a mission,he uses all the implements,still no root,he disappears behind me for a minute,I hope he is not scratching his head or has his chin cupped in his hand musing.More digging and levering,I thinks please don`t give up,another batch of tongs come out,he`s like an athlete at the starting blocks for the 100 m footrace,he attacks again and after another 3 tongs and 15 minutes he says ahhhhhh,I have it,good I says,beam me up Scotty.With a wad in my mouth big enough to bandage a sprained ankle,he asks , how are you feeling? I lie and mumble fine thanks.I mumbled my thanks and ran out of the surgery to my car to get away thinking he might have an encore he wants to perform.
I hope I haven`t put anyone off a dental visit,I saw the funny side of things later,a dentist like I had I would recommend to anyone,he spoke quietly and gently to his assistant and kept asking me how I was with my mouth full of things,but he always said thats good,even though I couldn`t answer him.I hope I`ve conveyed the funny side of my visit,I didn`t feel a thing during this ordeal and it can only get better from here.