A LITTLE BIT OF KIWI (and maybe Aussie) HUMOUR

A little bit of Kiwi culcha –

Rural New Zealand Terminology:

LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbeque hotter

LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbeque.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbeque.

DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute.

HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold beer….

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys.

WINDOW: What you shut when the weather’s cold.

SCREEN: What you shut in the mosquito season.

BYTE: What mosquitos do…

MEGABYTE: What South Island mosquitos do.

CHIP: A pub snack.

MICROCHIP: What’s left in the bag after you’ve eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps….

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get on an airplane.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks – from K-Mart…

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won’t go.

CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won’t go.

YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch.

USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren’t strong enough.