A romance concern
I have blogged about my senior dating. I have a dating issue and need help. I have been dating a very unpredictable man. He won’t make plans. I know I can leave but I don’t choose to do that yet. We have a lot of fun when we do see each other. I don’t want to throw out the baby with the bath water. I think I must not be his one and only which is okay because he hasn’t said I was, but the lack of planning is a problem and I think disrespectful, but he is country and I am city and in the city, we plan everything. I have never experienced this before. Has anyone of you?
In writing this, I may have answered my question. I must be just one in a group of several. I met him on a dating website. I think I must set my own standards and right now my standard for basic consideration is missing. Naturally, this is a real romance except for this issue.
Rose, you have just answered your own question, your standard for basic consideration is missing……..this is not too much to ask for irrespective of where you live………..country life moves at a slower pace and is more laid back……….but no excuses……….are you saying he just turns up when it suits him…..out of the blue………..if you are, then this is causing you to question his intentions………..only one thing to do here and you know what it is……….sit him down and ask…….but maybe you don’t want to hear the answer………Rose if this set up suits you all is good……..but i’m picking up that it dosent………..if you have something more secure in your mind for the future then I think you may have to look elsewhere……..like a lot of men he may want someone around but no commitment. Same old story……good luck Rose.x
Starlett. thanks. I know you are being kind and honest. I appreciate your answer very much. I agree with what we both said.
I agree with star..it sounds like he wants a ‘relationship of convenience’..if you’re happy with that rose, then that’s great… but I don’t think you are…the person that I met recently wanted that type of relationship..and I said no and walked away…I deserve better..and so do you. Take care.x
Val. I want some convenience. LOL. We both should have convenience.
I would like to know what to expect. Is it an old man issue?
thi
Courtesy and respect are not bound by location. Either they are present or they are not. You, and only you, can decide how important they are to you. I agree with msval…you deserve better. The choice is yours. Your happiness is the issue. I don’t believe you would have asked for our comments if you were truly happy. Good luck, Rose. xxx
Right. It is a problem and could there be a logical reason. He doesn’t seem to be a bad guy but maybe he is.
Well rose i hope you make a decision which sits well with you. You have actually made me think though. I’ve been married 32 years and i hate planning, where as my hubs wants it ( but very rarely sticks to it). I am country, he is city. Whatever happens you have answered a guestion for me. For you though if you really want to keep seeing him just talk plainly and honestly. Every one has a different relationship and if it works for you, go for it. xxxx
Blinker, your comment is very insightful. Country people do just roll along more. It is interesting that your husband plans, but doesn’t stick to it. Is that real planning, or carving out free time. I had a husband like that.
Rose, I don’t think you should think that this man is a bad guy just because he dosent seem to want commitment……..men’s minds are not tuned in with ours…lol Men are from Mars, Women from Venus……..some women don’t want commitment either……..just have to find a happy medium……..he probably hasn’t got a clue what you want………just going with the flow like a lot of men do. x
Starlette. I am talking about the next meetup not a long term commitment.
You may be right about not having a clue about what I want really. I am ready to take one day at a time, but I would like to know something more about that.
Your saying you don’t even know from one day to the next when you will see him next…….. well if you can live with that uncertainity ok………you know what i always ask myself……..would my life be better or worse without this man in it….you have your answer.
The right question for sure, and the answer is tilting to the negative.
think you have answered your own question,he dont want commit that ok if he do all fun will go,you enjoy the going out and fun why not leave it at that for time being he ever say he wanted commitment ,if not then thats what you got,commitment scare crap out of people….if you like him dont push…..without a doubt he had more than one woman on the go are you sure he has not now
rosy trust your heart, that will tell you what to do, right or wrong,as the saying goes, the balls in your court, love john harden xx
Johnwarden. I really wanted a man’s opinion and I appreciate yours. I am glad to be reminded to follow my heart because if I don’t my heart won’t like what I get.
Hi Rose do as you like and feel. But any step should match your own given standards.
If the guy friend is playing the field and is not willing to make a commitment one way or the other, or even as you say plan from one date to the next, I would make it obvious to him that you have other people in your life that are better and more considerate friends. And the next time he phones for arrange a date at the last minute, say something like ‘sorry guy friend, I have a better offer’ even if you don’t and see how he responds. If he found you through a dating site there must be dozens of eligible guys who are taking that dating scene more seriously than he is. I know that living alone and going out and about on my own, I feel like a pork chop at a bar mitzvah, more so when most of the people I socialise with are couples. My situation, as you know, is different from yours and you do have other avenues to explore while I cannot look for more than friendship and chat.
Thanks. I appreciate your answer and we both have to be guided by our standards. The unpredictability has also been joined with some negative behavior.There is not much left.
It gets better or there will be no decision.
Chat and friendship is a lot but it depends on the type of friendship.I emailed him to that effect.
Rose u haven’t been in a relationship long, I say talk to him, that’s how u get ur answers, x
I have to say, I agree with cath. It is called communication. It is better to talk it out with him, and discuss things. To me, any solid and honest relationship starts with communication, even from the very beginning. Isn’t it better then assuming? I hope it works out the way you want, Rose. x
Passy, I thought men don’t like communication, but I will talk and be clear about what I want. The behavior has become unacceptable.Thanks
Rose look at the worst aspect of your relationship and decide if you are prepared to tolerate that. If the answer is yes, then everything is fine but if the answer is no (which I suspect it may be given that you are questioning it) then its time to get out beacause although he has good points and bad points there may come a time when the bad points become more prevalent in your relationship.
Good Luck whatever you decide xxx
Right question. Good prediction. Cant do it unless it improves.
Thanks. You all have helped. ty and all.
hello bloom waited awhile to answer your predicament, thought for awhile, what would i do in a situation like that?, well disrespect is the big no no with me, if they dont respect you from the start it will not change later on , some men find it hard to communicate, most dont know there own minds early in a relationship,and some don,t even realise they are showing disrespect, they need to be told things, they cannott find the toothpaste if you don,t show them where it is kept, can,t find their sox if you don,t open the drawer for them ,even if they have been in the same place for years, lol sorry guys but it is true, some just like to play the field and will lead you on for convenience,or to bolster their ego, this is not a man bashing blog answer ,this is the truth as a wise woman sees it ,the poor loves don,t know there own minds, sometimes the ladies have to give them a bit of a push in the right direction,their all sweet , but spoilt, and think they all are the most handsome, the most inteligent, the most masculine man who was ever born, haha ha, but we love them them anyway, so sit him down show him these blogs and ask his opinion ,tell him you value his opinion and make himfeelgood about himself lol xxx hope it works out for you .xxx