D – Devil in the blue dress medley…………….Bruce Springsteen

Grandad , why are sitting on the porch with no pants on?

Well my little one , when i sat out here yesterday with no shirt on i got a stiff neck.

Its your grandmas idea

Just been to doctors , i said with all the to-ing and fro-ing i feel like a pair of curtains.

He told me to pull myself together

I was in a pub in London on Saturday night, had a few drinks.

I noticed 2 very large women by the bar, they both had strong accents, so i said “hey are you two ladies from scotland.

One of them looked at me and screamed “its WALES you idiot”.

I immediately apologised and said sorry are you two whales from Scotland.

Thats all i remember

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink when washing up, and closer to the oven when baking.

(Thats it now Way, im going into deep hiding as i will have to learn how to dodge rifle rounds)

Why do women get married in white?………

Because they suit the kitchen appliances.

(I think i’ll be off now