Got a reply from Screwfix after I sent them a letter the other week:

Dear Bill Thanks for your letter, unfortunately we are unable to help with your request as we are not a dating agency.

Regards

Screwfix

HICCUPS

woman went to A&E, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes being examined, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in…

Read more

According to a news report, a certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the…

Read more

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!”
Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse.”
Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.”
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse!”
… Read more

The ex President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!”
This startles the would be assassin so much that he hesitates and as a result is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him…

Read more

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest:

The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked. “Say Father, what…

Read more

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her
birthday. “I’d love to be ten again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up
bright and early and off they went to a local
theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride
in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop,
the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!

Five hours… Read more

DISTINCTION BETWEEN GUTS AND BALLS

Just so any people who don’t know the difference between guts and balls, here is the medical description

Guts-is coming home from the pub after a heavy drinking session with the boys, been met by your wife with a broom in her hand and having the guts to ask”are you still cleaning or are you flying…

Read more

People may hate you for being different and not living by society’s,s standards.

But deep down they wish they had the courage to do the same