Euro-English
As an amateur student of the history of English, this humor strikes me as particularly interesting because English is a Germanic language notwithstanding the Romance influence. OB
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government has conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
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Brilliant OB, lmao 🙂 Just about every word must have had a red line under it by the time you finished. The scary part is, I wouldn’t put it past the EU to try and do it!!! Great blog 🙂 🙂
that is what made it so brilliant – the fact its as nutty as the straight banana and hot and cold pastie prices and jaffa cakes not being biscuits or cakes etc.
Very creative indeed, and funny! If it really happens, I might not be laughing though. 🙂
My God, but the middle part of that was difficult to understand. Amazing what chaos simple changes make.
We Yanks are not to be left out; after all a sort of English is our mother tongue too. Our contribution will be the doing away with irregular verb forms, notably “to be.” So instead of learning by troublesome rote, children will intuitively absorb the correct regular forms, which will be, “I be,” “you be,” “he/she/it be,” etc. Gender specific pronouns are also troublesome and some academic wag has suggested, “hesheit,” which however, could be problematic in the southern United States where vowels are mostly diphthongs.
dip-WHAT?? 😛
arn’t thongs ladies underwear or knickers and so did thongs must be knickers for swimming or getting dipped in. sorrycouldnt resist. Lol
arn’t thongs ladies underwear or knickers and so dip thongs must be knickers for swimming or getting dipped in. sorry couldnt resist. Lol
Funny! Don’t be sorry Hurting! Hahaha! OB should have known he’d get a response from at least a couple of Smarty- Pants types on here, using a word like that. Yes, I know it has to do with phonetics and such…
You don’t mean Smarty-Thongs, do you, KayBee? 🙂
you see that pesky “ph” is one of the spelling quirks Euro-English will eliminate, so the word will be spelled more as it is pronounced, “diF-thongs.” Hurt is on the right track but it means new knickers not ‘kini bottoms.
Yes, even BETTER Steve! 😀
Wow OB.. loved this! lol It’s so creative and I really enjoyed it! It made me laugh and, being a lover of words, really dissect it. haha Thanks for the post..
Good on yu mate glad they leave our Aussie lingo alone Funny O B enjoyed it Xxx
Hahahhaha ob, good one xxx
BRILLIANT. You got me totally hooked and in the end i felt sorry for all the dyslexics in the world. BRILLIANT POST
in our community we have special help groups for lysdexics… (OMG I’ll hear about this….)
help! for poets. ha ha xx.
Totally brilliant piece of writing! xx