Witticisms

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he isn’t.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice “?

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

“No comment” is a comment.

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

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