Hamlet and The Plumber

I once had a plumber show up in pink jeans and a pink shirt. He was over six feet tall with a beard. His fingernails were painted pink to match his lipstick. I have some very dear friends who are Gay, but this guy took my breath away. He was a Nelly and wanted everyone to know it. He had the swish in his walk and an I dare you to say anything attitude. He talked a lot with his painted fingernail hands twirling through the air like gay flags saying look at me.

He made it very plain from the git-go that he was proud of being a Queen. He also had no tolerance for my opinion of what the problem was with my plumbing. He insisted on being shown how to get under the house immediately. I tried to warn him/her that there might be a problem. It was clear he/she did not think I had a brain. So I led “the plumber” to the very small opening and “her” fanny was not going to fit. The plumber insisted I was not to worry he would manage.

After disregarding my warning I shut my mouth and just watched. He got stuck. I had forgotten Hamlet was in the yard. He heard screaming and came running around the corner of the house. My pot-bellied pig Hamlet fell in love when he saw that big pink fanny just sitting there.

Hamlet had been ousted to the backyard until after his appointment with the vet because he wanted to love everything and everybody in the house. He squealed with pure delight and headed straight to claim his bride. He was squealing, the plumber was yelling under the house as Hamlet kept stomping all over his legs with his hooves. Hamlet only weighed 10 pounds so could not reach his trapped bounty. Hamlet was stomping all over his own little corkscrew and squealing even louder.

I was on the back deck, laughing my head off. Just as Hamlet had tugged on those pink jeans just enough to show a butt crack… I rescued the plumber. He/She huffed and puffed her way all the back to her pink truck and drove away. The landlord sent a very skinny plumber to fix my problem. He also made me promise to post signs about my attack pig.

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  1. Lol not sure if it was abuse for the potbelly, or the flaming pink plumber, either way–it sounded like perhaps they both walked away from that ordeal with you as the hero of your own creation. It is hard to work on plumbing with pink nails but Hamlet stomping all over his corkscrew a tail of a tale. Thanks for sharing.

    1. I am so glad you saw the humor in my story. I laughed so much that day I almost fell off my deck. I did have to put up a sign that said, “Attack Pig” in the yard. Thank you for responding.

  2. I am so glad you have enjoyed this little story. It is true. It did happen. I laughed so much I almost fell off my back deck. I was indeed the hero for Hamlet and the plumber. I think I rescued Hamlet first…. Yep, that is how it went.

    1. Hamlet passed a long time ago. He lives in my stories and in my memories. He was so very precious to me. I do have a few pictures of him but do not know yet how to upload pictures so I will have to save that for another time. I am so glad you enjoy my stories. It means a lot that you responded to one.

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